This Disillusioned Life
by Trufreak89
Summary: Two years after leaving Bristol for uni Naomi is back for the summer. Emily's gone and Freddie's dead. Everything's different, including Katie.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **This Disillusioned Life

**Summary: **Two years after leaving Bristol for uni Naomi is back for the summer. Emily's gone and Freddie's dead. Everything's different, including Katie.

**Disclaimer:**I don't own Skins or anything associated with the show.

**Rating:**M

**A/N:**Told from Naomi's POV.

What the fuck am I doing here? Not just in this squalid overcrowded club with its shit nineties dance music, but back _here. _In Bristol. I've only been back home a few hours and already I can feel the drudgery of this city soaking through my skin like a poison; slowly seeping inside of me, tainting me from the inside out. I don't want to sound like some fucking cliché, or even worse my mother, but I'd like to think the last two years I've spent away at university have helped me to grow as a person. I'm not the fucked up kid I was in college; or at least in London I can pretend I'm not.

It's easy to pretend to be someone else at Goldsmiths, where no one knows me or my sins. Being back in Bristol is like a hard slap to the face from reality. It's like time stood still here and nothing has changed. Like no matter how much I try to change the city won't let me, it holds us all in its grip, refusing to let the past die.

Cook cackles like a madman as he pops another pill and starts raving like a lunatic. He's been out of prison for only six months and from all accounts he's lived each day of his new found freedom like it was to be his last. Fucking, drinking, popping pills; the boy is like a walking time capsule. On the surface he hasn't changed.

I see through his act though. I see the heavy set of his brow, the emptiness in his gaze when he thinks no one is watching. His eyes are dark pools as he broods on his failure to kill John Foster. Don't get me wrong, he had a good try, came damn close to beating the snivelling worm to a pulp; but Foster had survived, and unlike Cook he would never have another day of freedom in his life. Just like Freddie wouldn't either.

I close my eyes and try to keep those dark melancholic thoughts at bay. Freddie's death had changed us all. Our gang of misfits had slowly broken apart after the news of his demise, like it had been the excuse we all needed to go our separate ways. I ran away to the anonymity of Goldsmiths, indulged in the sanctuary of being far away from Bristol and every fucked up decision I'd ever made. I even toyed with the idea of not coming back at all. It had been easy the first summer to just not come home, but with Cook getting out of prison and my mum complaining about never seeing me I didn't have any choice this summer. It would have been so easy to stay in London, with my friends who don't all hate each other, with people who don't look at me and see a fucked up kid who gave a suicidal girl drugs; or broke the heart of another.

God I fucking hate Bristol and I hate this club. I feel bile rising in my throat as I push my way through the crowd of people on the dance floor, not knowing what to expect as I go in search of the others. I know JJ's with Cook and Panda and Thomas aren't flying back from the states until tomorrow, other than that I'm not sure who I'm going to find out tonight.

My stomach drops as I spot the one person I really don't want to have to face. It's been years since we last spoke and I must have replayed the conversation in my head at least ten thousand times. We tried to make it work. We really did; but there's only so many times you can have the girl who's supposed to love you look at you like you're a fuck up. I was, but she was never supposed to see that. Her wide chocolate coloured eyes that had always looked at me with such wonderment had looked so dead and disillusioned as she'd told me it was over. She couldn't keep fighting for us anymore. We were a childhood dream that had died long before we had given up. Of course that didn't make it hurt any less.

I've been with girls from uni, had the odd date here and there, even got laid a few times, but nothing really serious. I just can't do it. My head hasn't been in the right place for a relationship for a long time.

She hasn't spotted me yet and she carries on dancing with some blonde girl with big tits and no waist. She laughs and pushes the other girl away as her hands try to get a little too fresh. The stab of jealousy that runs through me is like a hot iron poker and it's ridiculous how easily she can make me feel like a messed up hormonal sixteen year old kid again. All this before we've even shared a word.

Fuck I knew it would be hard to see her again but this is ridiculous. She looks good. More than good. She's more stunning than I remember as she dances recklessly with anyone and everyone around her. It's almost painful to watch as it's a reminder of how she was towards the end; when we'd go out and she'd be all over Mandy or some other bimbo, trying to make me jealous. Trying to make me hurt just as much as she did.

Her hair hangs in loose curls around her face as she shoots the blond a coy smile and starts dancing with some random beside her. Her hair is a deep chocolate colour that is a stark contrast to the vibrant red it used to be, but she makes it work. Her frame is still small and petite, though her curves seem a little more filled out and I find my tongue darting out against my lips as I try not to remember the feeling of her body pressed against mine, the sound of her breathing deep and ragged against my ear, her nails digging in to my back...

Fuck. I can't do this. I just can't. I turn to make my escape and find myself bumping smack in to Cook. He blocks my escape and ushers me forward straight towards Emily. He's off his tits on god knows what and seems to think it's a good idea to push me straight in to her. Her arms reach out to break my fall as I stumble and she laughs good naturedly, thinking Cook is trying to hook her up with some random. I'm not exactly sober myself, but I'm nowhere near drunk enough to deal with Emily touching me. I'm drunk on memories of a time when we were happy and all I want to do is take hold of her and kiss her soft full lips until she forgets about the last two years and just kisses me back. I want to hear my name tremble on her lips as she gasps for air. I want...

I want the world to swallow me up as dark chocolate eyes glare back at me. She realises who it is at just about the same time I come to a startling realisation of my own. The girl I've just been shamelessly perving over is not Emily at all. It's Katie. I've just been a heartbeat away from trying to kiss Katie fucking Fitch.

"What the fuck is she doing here?" Katie shouts over the roar of the music. When she opens her mouth her soft lisp is a clear difference to Emily's gravelly husk. I know it's been two years but I can't believe I mixed them up. That's never happened before. Not once. Even when the twins played their little switcheroo trick at college if one of them was hungover, or more like when Katie wanted to pass a test, I had never been fooled by it.

I feel a tightening in my chest. Katie continues to glare at me as Cook tells her I'm home for the summer. She looks less than impressed with my presence and it's not like I could blame her. I hurt her twin sister and as self-conceited as Katie Fitch is she's also fiercely loyal. I was lucky to walk out of Bristol with both my legs once Katie found out I had cheated on her sister.

"Easy Katie-kins!" Cook hollers as he drapes an arm around us both. We fight him off at the same time. "Make love not war, yeah?" Once again my thoughts return to sex with Emily, and somehow my drunken mind twists Katie in there too and the tightness in my chest grows even heavier. It's too hot and crowded in this place for me to catch my breath and the wrath of Katie Fitch isn't helping. I have to get away from her. Breaking away from them I fight my way to the bar. It doesn't take me long to get the attention of the blonde behind the bar. I flash her a smile and lean a little further over the bar than I need to as I order a drink. Her eyes are on my chest the whole time and as she hands over my drink she waves off my money.

I turn around and find Katie shaking her head. I'm getting really sick of her looking down her nose at me. A few more drinks and I'll probably tell her that. I can't help but smirk at the thought of a good old fashioned argument with Katie. Really, nothing ever changes in Bristol. I've been back five minutes and it's like I never left. This could be any other night out we've been on, any one at all. Cook's pissed and hitting on anything with a pulse, JJ's following him like a shadow, Katie's being a bitch and I'm…

Well I'm in a foul mood and thinking about Emily. So yeah, any other night out all. God I fucking hate this city. If I hadn't promised mum and Cook I'd stay until the start of term I'd pack my bags tonight and fuck off back to London; but I've let far too many people down over the years so it looks like I'm just going to have to knuckle down and put up with this shit hole for the next six weeks.

Just getting through this night is going to be hard enough though so I make several trips back to the blonde at the bar. She's very liberal with her shots and even makes me some strange cocktail concoctions that would pickle the liver of any hardened drinker. As the night wears on and the drink flows Katie seems to mellow out a bit too. She dances with Cook and teases him as she grabs JJ and starts grinding herself against him. Same old Katie. JJ for the most part doesn't seem to have a clue what to do and so stands there just looking at her like she's a particularly hard Sudoku puzzle. The poor boy wouldn't have a clue what to do with a woman if she came complete with an instruction manual.

I'm dancing with Cook, slapping his hands away as they slip too low to my arse, when someone tugs at my hand and pulls me away from him. Katie's arms slip around my waist as she starts dancing up against me. It's a show for the guys around us. I know it is, just like I know it's Katie's arms around my waist and not Emily's. Except when I close my eyes it could almost be real. It could be Emily with her hands on my hips and her body pressed flushed against mine. Her lips at my ear. But once again the voice and the words are wrong and my little fantasy is broken.  
"Are you gonna get us a drink from bimbo barmaid or what?" She snaps and it comes out as an order.

I roll my eyes but for once I don't fight back, I simply do as I'm told and head to the bar. The blonde, she told me her name hours ago but I couldn't for the life of me recall what it is, is once again more than happy to serve me, opting to ignore people who have been waiting longer than I have. She looks a little disappointed when I ask for two drinks and downright hostile when Katie slides up beside me. I almost jump as her arm slips around my waist and her other hand finds my cheek as she puts her lips to my ear. It takes everything I have no to shudder as her lips brush against my lobe. Everything about her is so familiar, yet achingly different at the same time. I open my mouth to ask her what the fuck she thinks she's doing, but as hard as I try I can't get the words passed my lips. The barmaid glares at me as she snatches my money out of my hand. "Cock blocked." Katie giggles in my ear before she takes one of the brightly coloured cocktails and disappears.

I stand at the bar; my breath coming in short gasps as the world around me swims in and out of focus. I've drank far too much and I'm pretty sure the pill Cook slipped me earlier was MDMA. That's got to be it. It's the alcohol and the drugs coursing through my system, blurring my senses and dulling my mind. That's the reason I'm thinking about following Katie Fitch and kissing her until she's gasping for air. I think about fucking the barmaid, just for something to take my mind off Katie; or more accurately Emily. That's what this is all about. It's nothing to do with Katie whatsoever.

The blonde wants nothing to do with me though; Katie's done a very good job of making sure of that. I give up any ideas of trying to get anywhere with her and make my way back over to Cook and the others. I do my best to ignore the oldest Fitch, but every time I catch her out of the corner of my eye, for just the briefest moment, I think it's Emily and the tightness in my chest increases just that little bit more. It's a miracle I'm still breathing when the four of us stumble out of the club in the early hours of the morning.

JJ, as the only sober one, is carrying Cook as we stumble in search of a taxi. I'm a little steadier on my feet than Cook, but not much. Katie grumbles about her heels as she struggles over some cobbles. "Christ sake." I mutter as she slips and almost falls flat on her arse. I catch her before she can do any damage.

"Fuck you doing?" She snaps at me as I pull her shoes off. She tries to push me away but ends up nearly falling over again for her trouble. I catch her wrist and hold her steady as I slip my Converse off my feet. I'm not doing this for her benefit; I just want to get to the taxi rank as quickly as we can. My shoes are a good size bigger so I have to tie them tight to keep them on her feet. She starts giggling like crazy as I kneel down to do the laces up.  
"Fuck me Naoms, you're fashion sense hasn't got any better has it?" I stiffen at the use of my nickname. It sounds wrong coming from her lips.

I don't say anything as I stand up and storm ahead to catch the others up. I'm thankful it's early July and the ground is bone dry. We haven't had any rain in weeks so I don't have to worry about getting soggy feet as I plod along in my socks.  
"Wait then!" Katie whines as she struggles to keep up with the pace I'm setting. I slow down a little, just to light the cigarette between my lips, and she catches up to me. The rush of nicotine and the smoke in my lungs are a welcome distraction, along with the night air they seem to wake me up a little bit, sharpen up my senses. I offer Katie a cigarette but she shakes her head. I forgot she doesn't smoke. The pack goes back in to the pocket of my jacket.

For all it's summer the night is still cold and I'm glad I had the sense to pick up my denim jacket on the way out the door tonight. Katie didn't have the same good sense and is shivering in only the short dress she's wearing as we soldier on to find a ride home. I'm at least wearing a t-shirt and skinny jeans which are a bit warmer. Her chattering teeth are grating on my last nerve and that's the only reason I pull off my jacket and hand it over to her. She just stops and stares at it like I'm handing over a live rattlesnake. "Fuck sake." I roll my eyes as I step forward and drape the jacket over her shoulders. It takes a moment but she finally slips her arms in to it and zips it up.

"Thank you." Her voice is much quieter than usual, but I hear her muttered thanks all the same. We walk in silence after that as we catch up to the boys. Cook's managed to find us a taxi.

He jumps in the front and I'm sandwiched in the back with JJ and Katie. Katie's dress rides up as she takes the seat by the door, revealing yet more soft tanned flesh. My mouth feels as dry as a bone and I avert my gaze to something safer. Her thigh is still pressed in to mine though and I can't get away from that as easily. Mercifully Katie's apartment is the closest. The second she's out of the taxi I scoot over to the door and roll down the window, basking in the cool breeze as it berates my face and sobers me up enough to know that checking out Katie's anything is a bad idea.

We pull up at my mum's house next and I dig around in my jeans and come out with a tenner to give to JJ towards the fare. I stumble out of the car and up the garden path. I find my house key in the same pocket as my money and open the front door as quietly as I can. It's weird being back home after living away for so long. It's been a while since I've had to sneak in to the house in the dead of night. I skilfully manoeuvre my way up the stairs to my room. I could really do with a shower. I went more or less straight out after dropping my bags off in my room. I think mum and Kieran would be pissed at me running the shower this late, or early; either way I give up on the notion and strip for bed.

It's been a long day and all I want is to crawl under the covers and sleep for a week. I'm already starting to come down from the pills and my head is throbbing. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have the hangover from hell tomorrow and not even the pint of water I manage to force myself to drink is going to help. I'm utterly exhausted but even as I curl up under the covers my mind refuses to shut down.

I close my eyes and all I can see is red. I feel tears welling up in my eyes and hate myself for it. It's been ages since I last cried over me and Emily. It's ancient history; or it should be. Tonight, being back here in Bristol, seeing Katie, it's brought it all up again. My inebriated mind is racing with thoughts of Emily and somewhere along the line Katie gets blurred in there too. I fall asleep thinking of chocolate coloured eyes glaring in to my very soul; and I'm not quite sure who they belong to.

**So this is a first for me, I've never tried my hand at Naomi/Katie b****e****fore so I thought I'd give it a try and see how it goes. Also I don't o****f****ten write in the first person, but it hopefully flows ok. I have three other fics on the go at the moment (and that's just for Skins) so it may be a while before I update****.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**A big thanks to everyone who's reading and for the enthusiastic reviews! Naomi/Katie has been a bit of a guilty pleasure pairing of mine and as much as I love Naomily and Keffy it's nice to write something different. I hadn't planned on updating so soon as I have a ton of other stuff to work on but I think this is going to be one of those stories that sticks in my head until it's written. I hope you guys like this chapter and where I'm going to be heading with this fic in general :)

I wake up late the next morning. My head is throbbing and the blinding light shining through my bedroom curtains is not helping in the slightest. I climb out of bed and lurch unsteadily towards the window to pull the curtain shut properly. It's sometime in the afternoon and I'm surprised my phone hasn't woken me up before now.

I pick up last night's jeans and rifle through the pockets in search of my mobile. I frown as I come up empty handed. I go to search my jacket next and remember where it is. "Fuck." My hand runs through my hair as I chew on my lip, a nervous habit I've never been able to kick. Katie still has my jacket and my phone along with it. The last thing I want is to see Katie Fitch but my phone is like a fifth limb and I can't go without it.

I vaguely remember where we dropped her off last night. I'm pretty sure I can find it. After a quick shower I dry my hair off and tie it up. I don't have time to straighten it and I'm hardly going to visit the Queen. I pull on last night's jeans and a clean T-shirt with the logo of some obscure indie band, knowing Katie will probably once again scrutinize my dress sense, but I could care less. I pull on a hoodie and go downstairs to find mum and Kieran sitting in the kitchen.

"Rough night?" My mother is as tactful as ever as she wrinkles her nose at me. I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to get in to a long drawn out conversation. "Do you want some lunch love? There's some left overs in the fridge."  
"No thanks." One thing I have definitely not missed is Gina's cooking. It's barely edible the first time around, never mind the leftovers. My stomach can't face anything solid right now so I grab a can of coke out of the fridge and pull up my hood as I go outside.

The good old British summer is in full swing and it's finally raining. It's a pretty decent area to live in, which tells me the Fitches are probably doing well for themselves again. The flat Katie went in to was the one on the corner but I can't remember which door she went through. I peer at the nameplates by the two buzzers, the light drizzle has turned in to a full on rain and I have to wipe at the names before I can make out K. Fitch on the top one. I hold the buzzer down until I get an answer.

"Yes?" Katie's irritated voice comes over the intercom as I finally let go of the buzzer.  
"Katie it's me." I speak in to the intercom and there's a few moments of silence, long enough for me to have to add, "It's Naomi."  
"I know who the fuck it is." A heavy sigh sounds down the line. "What do you want?"  
"My phone, it's in my jacket…" I'm cut off as the buzzer sounds and the lock on the door gives way. I push the door open before she can change her mind. The staircase leading up to the second and third floor is immaculately kept. This isn't some dingy little flat on one of the run down estates. She probably pays a fortune for this place.

I find the door open when I get to the second landing and let myself in. The appartment is surprisingly tasteful in decoration. I was honestly expecting leopard print everywhere. "Katie?"  
"In here!" She calls from somewhere up the hall. I follow the sound of her voice and find a large open plan kitchen and living room at the end of the corridor. The apartment is even bigger than I first thought, utilising the extra space with being on the corner. There are large bay windows on three sides, letting in floods of light that bounce off the magnolia walls. The floor is solid looking wood and completely spotless. I suddenly feel like I should have left my trainers at the door. Though I noticed my Converse from last night were already there.

I let out a long whistle as I take in the view. "Nice. Expensive?"  
"Of course." Katie smirks as she puts something in the oven and then tosses aside her bright pink oven mittens. "Your jacket's over there. Shoes are by the door." She nods towards the dining table where my jacket is slung over the back of one of the chairs. A thank you would be nice, but this is Katie Fitch we're talking about. I take out my mobile and find a few missed calls and texts from Cook. Even one from Effy. I stand there checking my phone as an awkward silence descends over us. Katie is too much her mother's daughter to be rude enough to ask me to leave, so she plays the role of polite host and waits silently for me to go.

I bite my lip as I chew on my next question. "How is she?"  
"Who?" Katie frowns. She's playing games and I can't be arsed with it. I'm not going to beg her. I just need to know she's ok. That she's happy. "The fucking Queen, who do you think?" I snap at her. I know where this is going to lead. She's going to shout back at me and then I'll shout some more and it will turn in to another screaming match.

Except it doesn't. "She's good. Happy." Katie's glare silently adds that she wants it to stay that way. It's a strange thing, to have Katie meeting me halfway for once. We'd come to a sort of uneasy truce, back when Emily and I had been together and she'd forced Katie and I to be civil to one another. But that had been when she was doing it to make Emily happy; she had no reason to answer my question. She could have kicked me out there and then, but she doesn't. Maybe not everything in this city is the same. "She's studying at Leeds. Wants to be a primary school teacher." I can't help but smirk at the idea of Emily Fitch as a teacher. It's a good fit.

"So what are you doing then?" I don't really want to know, but if Katie can play nice then so can I. She seems startled by the question and it takes a moment for her to answer.  
"Modelling." She replies holding her head up high and daring me to comment on it. I really should have expected that answer. Katie has always been up on fashion and other than her short stature she's got the looks and the body for it.

It's not like I can say she's not attractive. I was in love with her almost identical twin sister for most of my teenage years for Christ's sake. No, no one could ever say the twins aren't attractive. Still these thoughts leave me feeling uneasy and I'm just about to offer to leave when the front door opens and then slams shut. Great. Now I'm probably about to have to introduce myself to whatever airhead male model or sleazy agent Katie's dating.

'_Hi, I'm Naomi Campbell, I was dating Katie's twin until I cheated, gave a suicidal girl drugs and generally fucked things up monumentally. How do you do?' _Yeah. That will go down like a lead balloon.

"Kay, have you got any of that wine left? I've had the shittest day…oh." As Katie's visitor stops at the end of the hall I feel a genuine smile break out on my face. Effy grins at me in return. She's not the type to start screaming and hugging which I'm eternally grateful for. I'm still nursing my hangover.

"So you finally made it then?" Effy quizzes and Katie shoots her a look that clearly expresses her anger as seemingly being left out of the loop. I can understand why Effy and Cook never told her I was coming back; they probably didn't want to give her time to sharpen her pitchfork.  
"Looks like it." I shoot back, contemplating how I can still make a quick exit. As much as I'd love to stay and catch up with Effy I don't want to push my luck with Katie.

Effy cut's me off at the post though. "Are you staying for dinner? Katie's a great cook." I'm not sure when these two got so close, but apparently it happened as Effy clearly has her own key to the apartment. She hangs her coat up on the rack and then makes her way over to where Katie is standing by the oven. They share a look and for a moment I entertain the thought that maybe they're together; which is ridiculous of course because Katie Fitch is not only the straightest girl I know, but the most bigoted one too.  
"Uh, no thanks. Maybe some other time." When hell freezes over and pigs start flying past the window. Effy stares right through me and shakes her head, making it clear I'm not going anywhere.  
"You're staying Campbell. I missed last night so we'll just have to have a girl's night tonight instead!" I'm not sure who looks more displeased with the idea, me or Katie.

"Right, well I'd better go buy more wine then." I'm actually impressed by this new adult Katie. A couple of years ago I would have been thrown out on my arse regardless of what Effy said. She picks up a set of car keys and storms out, leaving Effy and I alone in her flat.

As it turns out it's Effy's flat too. They've been living together for the last year or so, ever since Effy got out of the clinic. She brushes over that bit and refuses to speak about her time there or anything to do with Freddie or Foster whatsoever. Instead we make small talk while we wait for Katie to return with the wine that will hopefully break the tension in the room. That pretty much sums up our entire friendship. We were a rag tag group held together by pills and parties. I don't think that's going to work anymore; but then again maybe just for tonight it can.

Katie returns twenty minutes after she left loaded down with bursting shopping bags that Effy takes from her with a practised domesticity. They're interesting to watch the pair of them, the way they move in perfect sync as Katie plates up dinner and Effy busies herself setting the table and pouring wine. It's clear this is a well-rehearsed routine and I feel like a bit of a spare part hanging around in the kitchen. When Effy hands me a particularly large glass of wine I'm more than happy to take it from her. It's barely gone four in the afternoon and I'm not sure I'm even sober from last night's antics, but the chilled chardonnay is a welcome relief as Katie slams my plate down in front of me with a little more force than necessary. She takes the seat opposite to Effy and I seriously couldn't feel any more like a third wheel right now if I tried.

I'm dubious about tasting Katie's cooking and with good right after so many of Jenna Fitch's inedible family dinners. It's some sort of vegetable lasagne and despite my reservations it does actually look good. I take a tentative mouthful and I'm genuinely surprised with the explosion of taste on my tongue. Effy's right, the girl can cook. "This is delicious Katie." I even manage a sincere smile, but Katie looks at me sceptically, like I'm being sarcastic. For once I'm not.  
"Katie's a domestic goddess." Effy teases and it seems to break the ice as Katie's mood lightens and she manages to smile as she rolls her eyes. It's amazing how much these two have changed over the last couple of years. Back in the day Effy was even higher up on Katie's hit list than I was; which considering I was fucking her twin sister really was quite an achievement on Effy's part.

We all manage to keep a conversation going through dinner, though it's the kind of trivial stuff you'd talk about with people you used to know and hadn't seen in years; which I guess is perfect for the three of us. Katie's a lot quieter than I remember her ever being and it's almost as unnerving as if she were screaming at me. She doesn't touch much of her food, just pushes it around her plate a little until Effy and I have finished and then collects all three plates and dumps them in the sink to soak. I discreetly watch her over the rim of my glass as she stands with her hands on the sink, her knuckles turning white as she's gripping so hard and then she lets out an almost silent sigh.

"I should go." It doesn't take a genius to figure out what's upsetting her. I get to my feet and reach for my jacket but Effy pulls it away and shoots me a look that tells me I'm staying whether I like it or not.  
"Don't be stupid, we haven't caught up yet. And there's still plenty wine left, right Katie?"  
"Right." Katie sighs as she dries her hands on the tea towel by the sink and comes back to the table to pick up her own glass of wine. Before she can lift it Effy refills it to the top and does the same to mine. I don't object. I need as much wine as I can get to play nice with Katie Fitch for the evening.

We've never really spent much time together, well not without Emily as mediator. It's weird, sitting in her living room, sipping wine and making small talk. In all fairness she plays the role of hostess perfectly and after a few hours I almost forget that she hates me. Between the three of us we've drank the apartment dry of wine and Effy's off in her room looking for something else to drink. I sit on the black leather recliner in the corner of the room while Katie is draped over the sofa opposite. Her chocolate coloured doe eyes are soft and glazed over, and if she's anything like Emily it's a sure sign she's drunk.

Fuck. I have to stop letting my thoughts drift away to Emily, except it's a little hard when I'm staring over at her twin. I concentrate on their differences instead; to remind myself it's not Emily sitting across from me. Not anymore. Katie's lost weight, some of the puppy fat she'd had on her cheeks is gone, but they're still fuller than Emily's cheeks. It suits her though; she's always been more curvaceous than Emily. Fuck! What am I doing? I'm checking out my ex-girlfriend's twin's chest for Christ sake! I berate myself and give up on the comparison game. I'm drunk, again, and once again my thoughts are going to a bad place. Where the hell is Effy anyways? She's been gone ages.

I sigh as I close my eyes and try to stop the room spinning in front of me. The tightness in my chest is back and I feel like I'm about to have an anxiety attack as images of last night's dreams come flooding back to me. They're a blur of chocolate doe eyes, vibrant red hair, full breasts and soft lips.

"You really fucking hurt Ems." Katie's voice isn't angry. She talks like she's simply stating a cold hard fact. Which in a way I suppose she is.  
"I know." My eyes open slowly as I somehow find the words to answer her. I'm staring her right in the eyes as when mine were closed she's stood up from the sofa and made her way to stand in front of me. Her arms are crossed against her chest, almost protectively; but it's all some sort of act as her eyes are as sharp as her tongue as they both strike me. "She's coming back in a few weeks. I suggest you fuck off by then."

Effy comes in at exactly the right moment, because honestly I have no fucking idea what I was going to say back to _that._ I don't even fucking want to be here anyway. Not just this flat but Bristol in general. I'd be quite happy back in London with my proper friends; not stuck here in Bristol with people I used to know. "Tequila!" Effy beams proudly as she holds the bottle above her head like a trophy.  
"Not for me. I've got an early shoot in the morning." Katie kisses Effy's cheek goodnight and shoots me a look of pure venom as she slips back out in to the hallway and in to whichever of the rooms is hers.  
"What the fuck is her problem?" I can't help myself as I growl the words out.

Effy gives me one of those oh-so-annoying-all-knowing looks as she pours double shots in to our empty wine glasses. "She blames you." Effy shrugs like it should be obvious. "For everything." Well that's a bit dramatic, even for Effy.  
"Look I know I hurt Emily-" I start, knowing I'm in the wrong but still feeling the need to defend myself. Yeah I fucked up, but Emily gave up. Isn't that just as bad?  
"Naomi." Effy suddenly seems entirely sober as her serious gaze burns in to me. "The way Katie sees it she let you have Emily, let you share the most important person in her world…and you fucked up big time. You hurt Emily and she didn't just leave you behind, she left Katie too. That's what her grudge is."

The tequila burns my throat as I snatch the bottle from Effy's nimble fingers and take a hefty swig. I hadn't thought of it that way. "Fuck."

For the second time in two days I wake feeling dazed and groggy with a mouth that feels drier than the Sahara desert. This time it's definitely not light outside though. The living room is shrouded in darkness and I'm curled up on the sofa, where Effy and I spent hours drinking tequila long after Katie had left us. I try to work out what managed to wake me up and quickly realise the thick blanket draped over me wasn't there when I fell asleep. I clutch it around me a little tighter as I bury my head in the soft pillows that have been put there. I'm not sure Effy would be in any state to stealthily sneak pillows under my head without waking me sooner. Given that Effy is probably passed out in her bed that just leaves…

At the end of the hallway I hear the clip clop of heels on the wooden floor before the front door opens and closes. It sounds like Katie's off for her modelling shoot. I snuggle further under the duvet, my head spinning as I try to make sense of the enigma that is this new Katie Fitch.


	3. Chapter 3

"Wake up bitch." Effy kicks at my legs to wake me. I grumble and try and shoo her away, but she's relentless as she pulls at the duvet and pushes my legs out of the way so she can sit down. "Why do you have Katie's blanket?" She quizzes as she munches on toast. I swipe a slice from her plate as I sit up. I have the world's worst bed hair and have to run my hand through it to try and sort it out.  
"I dunno. I think she put it over me this morning…maybe she was trying to smother me with it?" I joke, not sure of Katie's motives myself.  
"Maybe." Effy muses as she chews her toast, her attention clearly elsewhere. "She's changed you know. She's less of a monumental bitch."  
"Well you two seem to have kissed and made up." My retort is a little on the snarky side, but I'm far from a morning person. Effy doesn't seem to mind anyways, my words roll off like water off a duck's back. She shrugs in response.

"She was there for me when…when I needed her."  
"I'm sorry I wasn't." After everything with Freddie and Emily I had ran from Bristol the moment I could. I hadn't thought much about the people I was leaving behind, hadn't cared enough to wonder how Effy would cope alone. Except she hadn't been alone. Out of all of us it was self-absorbed Katie had been the one that had been there for her.  
"It's ok. You had your own stuff to deal with…Besides I think Katie needed me as much as I needed her. Like when Emily left she needed someone else to lord over." She shoots me a sly smirk, but her words still don't help ease the guilt I feel. I, Naomi Campbell, am a shit friend. I've got six weeks left in Bristol to make it up to her though.

I groan as I remember Emily's coming home in a few weeks. Maybe I'll go home early after all. Even if it would kill me to give Katie the satisfaction of thinking she had driven me out. Playing nice with Katie is bad enough; the last thing I want is to have to deal with Emily too. I can't face her. Not yet. The last time we spoke I was standing in a shed pouring my heart out to her, but it hadn't been enough. Too much had been said and done to just take back with a few pretty words. I loved her, with all my heart and soul, had done since the moment I first laid eyes on her, but in the end it still wasn't enough. Sometimes people just grow apart and there's nothing that can be said or done to fix it.

The all-knowing Effy picks up on my foul mood and tries to change the conversation to something safer. "So what are your plans for today then?" I shrug in response. I don't really have anything planned while I'm in Bristol. "Great you can bum around here and keep me company." She sees me hesitate and adds, "Katie won't be home till late."  
"Must be long hours. Modelling I mean. She left pretty early."  
"Modelling?" Effy laughs at me and shakes her head. "You think short-arse is a model?"  
"But she said was in to modelling…" I frown, wondering what she actually does that's so shit she has to lie to me and say she's a model. A small part of me hope's it something really embarrassing so I can wind her up about it.

Effy leans over and picks up a glossy magazine from the coffee table. She flips through a few pages until she comes to a particular photo shoot and hands it over to me. "That's her work." The shoot is impressive, tastefully shot in black and white with the models dressed in twenties glam. I scan the page, but can't find any sign of Katie.  
"So where is she?"

"There." Effy leans over me and points to the by-line at the bottom. Katie's name is there in print. 'Katie Fitch, photographer.'  
"She works _with_models. Taking pictures. She's pretty good too." Effy nods towards the large canvas hanging above the fireplace. It's another black and white shot, this time of the canal all lit up at night. It's a good shot I admit it, but it seems a bit odd to think of Katie behind the camera instead of in front of it. I've never had her down as the creative type. As I look around I realise the walls are covered in photographs. I wonder just how many are Katie's. "She makes a hell of a lot more than those models anyway." Maybe mummy and daddy aren't paying for this flat like I thought.

"Why'd she lie?" I frown. If Katie's some big shot photographer making loads of money then why lie and say she's a model?  
"Isn't it obvious?" Effy smirks like I'm missing something. "She's playing a part Naomi. The shallow egotistical bitch you think she is."  
"Why?" It seems to be the only word I know at the moment. I have no idea what Effy's talking about.  
"Maybe she's afraid the two of you will actually get on if you stop bickering for five minutes."  
"She started it!" I object, but stop as I realise how childish that sounds. I laugh and shake my head. "I hardly think me and Katie are going to be BFFs."  
"I'm not asking for that Naomi. Just make an effort, yeah?"

I agree; just to keep Effy happy. In all honesty I have very few intentions of actually seeing Katie while I'm home. I'll just have to be careful to avoid her when I'm hanging out with Effy and Cook. Katie might have grown up a bit but she made her feelings quite clear when she told me to fuck off before Emily comes back. I've got no interest in making friends with Katie Fitch.

I spend the morning lounging around on the sofa with Effy, eating toast and watching shit day time TV. When the front door opens around lunch time I curse myself for not leaving sooner as Katie storms in. She dumps her coat and her bag on the dining room table before heading straight to the fridge and pulling out a can of diet coke. She brings it over to the sofa with her as she takes Effy's seat beside me. Effy's gone in the shower leaving me alone with the oldest Fitch. I've promised Effy I'll make an effort so I try to start a conversation. "Good morning?" She rolls her eyes at me but answers anyway.  
"I spent three hours waiting for two girls to turn up and then another one fell off the stage and chipped her tooth…Fucking models!" She pulls out her hair pins and fluffs her hair loose.

I know the worst thing I can do is laugh, but I can't help it and I start sniggering. Katie frowns at me, but a smile creeps on to her face and eventually leads to her laughing too. "It's not funny!" She swats at my arm playfully as I carry on laughing at her. "We were doing a fucking shoot for a toothpaste add!" That's the last straw and I burst in to a fit of giggles. We're still laughing when Effy walks back in, washed and dressed after her shower. She's wearing a conspiratorial smile as she catches the two of us chatting on the sofa. For some reason I feel myself blushing like I've just been caught doing something wrong, even though it was Effy who asked me to make an effort with Katie. Maybe I'm still freaked out from mixing the twins up for the first time ever, or maybe it's the way Effy's looking at me, either way I feel uncomfortable sat next to Katie and I make my excuses to leave. I'm still wearing yesterday's clothes and I need to go home and shower. Effy doesn't let me off that easily though.  
"The guys are coming over for dinner tonight. Six o'clock sharp." It's not so much an invitation as it is an order.

I only have a few hours to myself at home before I have to start getting ready for dinner at Katie and Effy's. I'm feeling a lot more human after my shower and even the prospect of spending an evening in Katie Fitch's company can't dampen my mood. Who knows, tonight might even be fun. I sit in front of the mirror and do my hair, adding a little wax to texturize the long platinum layers that frame my face. I'm going for the messed up didn't even try look, which as a student is an essential look considering most days I barely get time to run a brush through my hair between lectures and seminars. Choosing something to wear is a little harder and I spend a good ten minutes just staring at the clothes hanging up in my wardrobe. Most of my stuff is back in my dorm at uni, I had to get the train back home so I tried not to pack too much, so my choice is pretty limited.

I eventually give up and just pull on a pair of black jeans that have fashionable frayed rips in the knees. I smirk at myself as I stand in front of my mirror, dressed in only my jeans and my bra. Katie will hate them. It's childish I know, choosing what to wear based on what will piss Katie off the most, but simple pleasures and all that. I decide to go all out with the grunge look and pull on a simple black blazer over a creased white T-shirt. I finish the look off by being quite liberal with the mascara and eyeliner, the deep black setting off my ice cold eyes. As I step back and look at myself in the full length mirror on the back of my door I'm quite impressed with what I've been able to achieve with my limited resources.

Once I'm ready I order a taxi and get it to drop me off at the off license around the corner from Katie and Effy's apartment. Since I helped drink them dry last night the least I can do is buy a decent bottle of wine to bring with me. It's a little after six by the time I finally get to the apartment and the others are already there. Katie buzzes me in and she's standing there at the door when I reach the second floor, her arms crossed and a less than friendly expression on her face. "Late much?" She snaps, starting with her usual attitude before I can even take a single step in the door. She stands in the doorway, blocking my entrance, daring me to snap back at her. This is the good old Katie Fitch I remember. Well I'm not going to give the bitch the satisfaction of an argument. I force a sickly sweet smile on to my lips as I brush past her to get inside and throw her a wink.  
"Aww, miss me?" My taunt has the desired effect as she almost jumps a mile.  
"Fucking bitch." I hear her mumble as she slams the front door behind us.

"Naomikins!" Cook bellows as I walk in to the open living room. He almost crushes me as he comes over for a hug. When he lets go of me JJ offers me a sheepish smile. He's standing holding a small toddler and I struggle to remember his name. At least I remember his mother's name.  
"Lara, nice to see you again." I smile politely at the blonde by JJ's side. We've only spoken a few times and that was back when she and JJ had first gotten together. In all honesty I'd been too wrapped up in all of mine and Emily's shit to really get to know her very well. She probably thinks I'm a bitch but if she does she hides it well as she greets me like we're old friends. She introduces me to Albert, who was only a baby the last time I saw him, and the child looks at me with big wide eyes as his bottom lip trembles.  
"Aww, is mean old Naomi scaring you?" Katie teases as she scoops the little boy out of JJ's arms and rests him on her hip.  
"Gnome?" The toddler asks, looking from Katie to his mother. Cook roars in laughter and I get the feeling the name is going to stick.

The six of us sit around the dinner table, making small talk and drinking wine. I hate to admit it but Katie really is a good cook. Emily was always good at baking…

I pick up my glass of wine and try not to let my thoughts drift to Emily. I'm so wrapped up in my own head that I don't realise Lara's been trying to get my attention. "Naomi? I asked what you've been doing in London."  
"Oh, um, sorry. I'm doing a degree in Politics and a part time MA in Political Communications."  
"So what is it you want to do when you finish?"  
"I'm looking in to political journalism-" I try to answer her but Albert starts crying. He's been playing with the food on his plate for the last twenty minutes and now he's completely lost interest and is wailing at the top of his voice.

"Someone's tired." Katie gets up from her chair and picks Albert out of his high chair. He's still crying but his face is buried in to her shoulder and it smothers the noise a little. Lara offers to take him but Katie waves her off and carries the infant out of the room. Once she's certain Katie's ok with Albert Lara turns the conversation back to my future career plans. She seems genuinely interested too, not like she's just forcing conversation. I feel a little bad about looking down my nose at her the first time I found out she had a kid. She's great with Albert and even better with JJ. She's so patient with both of them and she's obviously been good for JJ, I haven't seen him get locked on once tonight.

We're all still sitting around the table long after everyone's finished eating, drinking wine and talking rubbish. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and set off down the hallway to find it. I pause outside the room that I think belongs to Katie. The door is ajar and I can hear someone singing. It's a low and harmonious melody but I can't make out a word of it. I can't help my curiosity as I step inside the room. I'm more than a little surprised to find that it's Katie singing. I thought she had a CD or something on for Albert, but she's cradling the toddler in her arms and cooing to him in something that sounds a lot like French. There's no hint of her lisp as the words flow effortlessly from her lips. Her voice is gorgeous.

She looks up and catches me listening. I expect her to yell at me or at least scowl, but she just looks away like I'm not even there. She finishes the song and gently places the sleeping boy down in to the travel cot at the bottom of her bed. "What was that?" I whisper as I step a little further in to the room. I know I'm pushing my luck, but I'm intrigued by the song.  
"'Dodo, L'Enfant Do'. It's a lullaby Thomas taught me it last Summer."  
"It's beautiful…you're really good with him." I nod towards Albert as I stand beside Katie at his cot. I'm probably the least maternal woman in the world, but with Katie it's a different story. I can tell from the way she looks down at him in awe as she strokes a stray curl back off his forehead.

I know Katie can't have kids. She was diagnosed with early onset menopause in our last year of college. She's never shared this information with me of course. Emily had to get tested for it too. Apparently it's hereditary. As loving and nurturing as Emily is she's never been interested in kids, but when she was told there could be a chance she might never be able to have any it terrified her. God knows what it did to Katie, whose life goals at the time had clearly included becoming a WAG and starting a family. "It must be hard." I've had a bit too much wine and I'm clearly not thinking straight as I put my hand on her arm. I expect her to pull away and start screaming rape, or at least to flinch. So it's a shock when she turns around and wraps her arms around my waist and buries her face in the crook of my neck. I feel small sobs wrack her body as she silently cries against me.

With no idea what to do for the best I tentatively wrap my arms around her, trying to comfort her. I feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes, but it has nothing to do with Katie and her infertility. Once again I find myself repeating a mantra in my head. _She's not Emily. She's not Emily…_

After what seems like hours, but in reality has probably only been a few minutes, Katie pulls away and wipes at her eyes. Her mask slips back in to place as she puts on her usual front. "You tell anyone about this and I'll fuck you up Campbell, yeah?" She hisses in a harsh whisper so as not to wake up Albert. I can't help the smile that tugs at the corner of my mouth. This side of Katie Fitch is familiar. I can deal with her when she's playing her part as a bitch so I nod.  
"Mention what?" Seemingly content with my answer she thrusts her head up high, flicks out her hair and walks out of the room like nothing happened. Except something did happen. Once again Katie has let her mask slip and once again I'm questioning just how much she has changed over the years. This caring, nurturing side of Katie is a new one and it's intriguing. Katie Fitch might actually be a half decent human being.

When I walk back in to the living room a little after Katie I see Effy's brow quirk and a small smirk playing on her lips. I discreetly roll my eyes at her as I take a seat on the sofa beside her. What the hell does she think we were doing? It's not like I'm likely to jump Katie Fitch on a trip to the bathroom. Lara and JJ are curled up on the arm chair whilst Cook sits on the floor between Effy's legs, rolling a dubious looking cigarette. That leaves the only spare seat for me next to Katie on the sofa. After getting my wine glass from the table I take a seat between her and Effy. After a couple more glasses I'm comfortably buzzed and when Cook suggests going for a smoke I'm all up for it. I follow him and Effy upstairs to the roof, which has quite an impressive view of the city. It looks like they come up here a lot, there a few deck chairs scattered around and even a BBQ grill and a cooler box. As Effy pops open the cooler and hands me a beer she explains that the roof access is part of the lease for the apartment so she and Katie have it to themselves. It's nice, sitting under the stars on a marginally warm night, sharing a joint with Cook and Effy. It's nights like these that I've missed.

"So…" Effy starts and it already sounds like a loaded question. She pauses to take a long draw before passing it on to Cook. "You and Katie playing nice then?" I snort in to my beer, already quite buzzed from the wine and getting giggly from the weed.  
"Well we haven't killed each other yet I suppose." In all honesty tonight hasn't been too bad and Katie has been almost tolerable. It's not like we're the best of friends but I've definitely seen a different side to her. Who knows, maybe if we didn't have so much history, if we'd just met now, we might have had a chance of getting along. I think there's too much water under the bridge for that now though. She's always going to be my ex's sister, just like I'll always be the twat who broke her twin's heart. I don't think there's any getting past that.

We sit on the roof until the spliff is finished and we've all had a few beers. When we get back downstairs in to the flat JJ and Lara have called it a night and gone to bed, they're staying over in Katie's room with Albert. Katie's changed in to her pyjamas, a low cut vest and some very short shorts that leave little to the imagination. I don't realise I'm staring until Cook shoots me a nod and a wink. I feel my cheeks going red and try to roll my eyes at him like he's the world's biggest pervert; in reality I think I'm in line for that title tonight. I suppose it could have been worse. I could have been caught by Effy or, god help me, Katie herself. She'd literally kill me if she even thought I was checking her out.

"Naomi? What are you doing?" Katie snaps at me and I think she's already asked me once before.  
"What?" I splutter, my mind snapping out of its drunken stupor. "I uh…nothing. I wasn't doing anything-"  
"God you're fucking wasted." Katie shakes her head and looks at me like I'm stupid. Right now I whole heartedly agree with her. My head isn't in a good place. Even as she's trying to talk to me again I feel my gaze slipping to her chest. Fuck me I'm not making things easy for myself. This has got to stop. Katie is Emily's sister, her twin sister, and me checking out her rack is all levels of wrong. "I said what are you doing? Staying or going?"  
"Staying where?" I'm pretty sure I'm missing chunks of this conversation.  
"Here you dozy cow. Are you staying over or going home?"  
"I should…I should go." I stumble over my words. I need to get out of this apartment, need to get far away from Katie Fitch and her ridiculously short pyjamas.  
"Suit yourself." Katie shrugs, thankfully missing the fact that I've been eyeing her up. I'm not so lucky when it comes to Effy though.

She follows me to the door once I've said goodbye to Cook and puts her hand out to stop me opening the front door all the way. "You should stay" She's wearing that fucking smug grin, the one that makes it look she knows every last little thing I'm thinking about. I hope she doesn't, for both our sakes.  
"No, really Eff. I should go. I need to go home." I can't stay here. I can't trust myself not to say or do something stupid.  
"Ok." Effy takes her hand off the door and steps back to let me out. "We're having lunch tomorrow though…we can talk about why you were looking at Katie like you wanted to shag her senseless."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Once again a big thanks to everyone who's reading and for all the encouraging reviews. I'm supposed to be updating a ton of other fics at the moment but this one is playing on my mind so I'm updating while I can.

I'm sitting in a café on the high street, nursing a mug of coffee and yet another hangover. I have a pair of sunglasses firmly over my eyes, protecting them from the ruthless July sun that shines down through the window. Effy's running fashionably late as usual, not that I mind. I'm not looking forward to the conversation that I know is coming. When she finally does arrive she looks no worse the wear for last night. Life just isn't fair sometimes. She orders a coffee, throwing a flirtatious smile at the bumbling young waiter who takes her order. He has long dark hair that flops over his face and a graze on his cheek. I don't mention who he looks like. We're not here to talk about Freddie. Even if we were Effy is hardly the sharing type. I wonder how she coped after we buried Freddie. I left Bristol the day after his funeral, spent a couple of weeks in Cyprus clearing my head before I started uni. She hasn't mentioned him since I got back and I'm certainly not going to be the one to bring him up. Some ghosts are better left alone.

"Sooooo…" She draws the word out as she stares at me with her all-knowing eyes. I feel like I'm been interrogated already and she's only said one word. I fidget in my seat, playing with the pepper pot on the table in front of me. "You and Katie huh?"  
"What?" I scoff, trying to play it cool. I know she caught me staring at the other girl last night, but I'm hoping to play it down. "As if. I was fucking wasted! I mean yeah I was checking her out, but come on! She's Emily's twin, I just forgot it wasn't her for a second, you know?" I'm talking myself in to a bigger hole as Effy sits quietly opposite me, her smirk growing bigger the more I say. She's really not buying it and I can't blame her. I knew full well who I was looking at last night, drunk or not.  
"Finished?" She asks, her eyes filled with amusement. I glare at her, though it's not really Effy I'm mad at. It's my fault I'm in this mess.

"I'm fucking screwed aren't I?" I slump over the table and bury my face in my hands. I can try and dress this up any way I want, tell myself it's just because she reminds me of Emily, but at the end of the day I fancy Katie Fitch and the whole world has gone to hell in a handbag. Effy shrugs her slender shoulders at me.  
"Depends on what you do about it."  
"Do?" I laugh at the idea of doing _anything _about it. Just because I find a girl attractive doesn't mean I have to act on it. Despite the fact that Katie would literally kill me if she found out, I just don't want to do anything. Despite Effy's comments last night I don't actually want to shag Katie. So I was checking her out, big deal! I find lots of girls attractive; it doesn't mean I have to act on it. I tell this to Effy and she infuriatingly just shrugs her shoulders again, that bloody smirk on her lips.

"This isn't a big deal. She's attractive ok, she's my ex's twin, of course I'm going to fancy her. It doesn't mean I have to do anything about it. She's still straight… Hell we still fucking hate each other! No, all I need to do is avoid her for the next few weeks and fuck off back to London."  
"Hate's a strong word." Effy scorns, though she looks more amused than condescending. "And I think there's a tiny flaw in your plan." I'm about to ask what it is when the door of the café opens and Katie Fitch walks through it. She stops as she catches sight of the two of us and I can see her muttering curses under her breath. I stare daggers at Effy as Katie goes up to the till to order a latte. It seems Effy is the flaw in my plan.  
"Hey babes." Katie has forced a smile on to her face by the time she reaches our table and takes a seat next to Effy. "Naomi." She adds a little more coldly.  
"Katie." I manage a smile over my coffee cup. I'm guessing she's been to work because she's dressed a lot more conservatively than she was last night. Wearing a plain white shirt and a black pencil skirt over tights. Her hair hangs in loose curls, framing her face and holding her sunglasses on top of her head. I feel Effy's eyes watching me, discreetly trying to catch me out.

I try my best to act casual around the pair of them as I ask Katie if she's made any more models toothless. "Don't get me fucking started!" She rolls her eyes as she runs a hand through her hair, clearly irritated. "Four hours I was waiting around this morning to get fucking half an hour of shots! If I never see a fucking model again…" She trails off as she picks up her coffee, grumbling to herself.  
"Don't you have that party tonight? I can't make it by the way."  
"What? You fucking promised Eff!" Katie's irritation has been firmly unleashed on to Effy and for once I'm out of the firing line. Until of course Effy lands me squarely in the middle of it.  
"Take Naomi. You don't have plans, right?" They both turn to look at me and I find myself floundering as I try to come up with an excuse why I can't go to some party with Katie. Other than the obvious.  
"I suppose she'll have to do." She huffs like I'm not sitting right across from her.  
"Gee thanks Katie." I roll my eyes. I haven't even agreed to go yet.  
"It's a launch part for a new fashion line, so try and dress like a normal person, ok?" She glares daggers at my T-shirt with a picture of Brainy Smurf on it.  
"Hmm, might be tricky, I'm not sure I can actually dress myself." I snap back, my voice dripping with sarcasm.  
"You're right. I'll come by yours at six and pick something out." Sarcasm is seriously lost on Katie Fitch.  
"Wait I didn't say I'd-"  
"Right that's sorted. I'll see you guys later, I've got another shoot in half an hour."

Katie flounces out before I can get another word out. I stare after her my mouth hanging open. "Catching flies?" Effy muses, devilment playing in her eyes. The bitch planned that.  
"What the hell Eff?" I snap at her, less than impressed at being played by my so called friend. "How was that helpful?"  
"I dunno. Maybe you'll get lucky?"  
"With Katie?" I snort in to my coffee. "I doubt it. She's fucking Barbie straight…besides I don't want to shag Katie Fitch."  
"Why not?" Effy challenges me, her eyes boring in to mine. "Maybe that's just what you need. To get her out of your system…oh and for the record, she's not that straight." She winks at me and I almost choke on my coffee.  
"What? Wait; are you saying you and Katie? Oh my God Eff!"  
"Jealous?" She muses and I hate to admit it but a tiny ridiculous part of me is. I can't imagine Katie even kissing a girl never mind fucking one.

"It was no big deal." Effy shrugs and with her I can believe it. Effy's always been good at keeping sex and feelings separate. I think the only person she ever felt something real for was Freddie, and that hardly ended well. It's probably better that she sticks to no strings attached sex; just not with Katie. "It was last year. We got drunk, we had sex. End of."  
"Look I don't want to sleep with Katie, ok?" I grumble, my mood admittedly sour. "This thing, whatever it is, it's just about Emily ok? I mean I haven't seen her in years and then I see Katie and…it'll blow over."  
"Whatever you say." She clearly doesn't believe me. Honestly, I'm not sure I even believe me. "Have fun tonight."

Effy's words play on my mind for the rest of the afternoon and I'm a nervous wreck by the time it gets to six o'clock. I'm tempted to just put anything on and refuse to change whether Katie's happy with me or not, after all I'm doing her a favour by going to this launch party with her, I should at least get the privilege of choosing what I wear. I'm standing with a towel wrapped around me and staring at my open wardrobe with a blank expression when the doorbell goes. I let my mum answer the door and hear her greeting Katie. She calls her Emily and I cringe. I can hear my mum apologising as Katie makes her way upstairs, her heels clicking on the stairs. I take a deep breath as she approaches my door. I can handle this. I don't fancy Katie Fitch and I can get through one stupid party with her.

But then the door opens and the only thought running through my mind is, '_I'm so fucked'. _She looks stunning. Her hair is pulled up in to a bun, with a few wispy strands hanging down around her face. She's wearing heels just like I guessed, though her tights are gone now, revealing her smooth tanned legs poking out from her knee high black dress. It's simple yet elegant and she really makes it work with a silver necklace and bracelet. She looks older somehow, a stark reminder that we're both supposed to be grownups now. Right now I feel more like a hormonal teenager than an adult. Katie dives straight in to the task at hand and rummages through my near empty wardrobe, clicking her tongue and shaking her head at almost everything. She pulls out a flowery shirt I don't think I've seen since my first year in college and we both share a laugh over it. "I can't believe you actually wore that thing!" She laughs as she tosses it aside and I make a mental not to burn it. "I suppose you're dressing a little better now after all." It's probably the closest thing to a compliment that I'll ever get from Katie.

She finally finds something she likes and hands me a black ruffle skirt and a white blouse. "Oh, and curl your hair." She shouts over her shoulder as she makes her way to the door, giving me some privacy to get changed.  
"Yes mother!" I snap back at her, though I have to admit she's chosen a pretty decent outfit for me. I plug in my curlers while I change and by the time I've done my makeup, thick black eyeliner and ruby red lipstick that gives me a glam look, I'm ready to curl my platinum blonde locks. I add a few finishing touches of my own, a gold chain and a chunky gold bracelet, before going downstairs to find Katie in the living room with mum and Kieran.  
"You look nice love." Mum smiles up at me. "So where are you two off to then?"  
"It's on the roof of the Avon George Hotel." Katie answers with a huge grin. "It's overlooking the river and super exclusive."

Katie really isn't kidding when she says it's exclusive. The front of the hotel is packed with photographers and onlookers crowding around the models and celebrities making their way inside. When the taxi drops us off in front of the masses I scoff at the red carpet leading up the steps to the front door. The paparazzi ignore us as we make our way up the steps and in to the hotel. The valet at the door greets us with a friendly smile as he asks to see our invitation and our ID. I fish my ID out of my purse as Katie hands over her invitation and her driving license. When he takes my card off me he barely supresses a smirk. "Very good Miss Fitch, Miss Campbell." I can see he's dying to laugh at my name, but he's professional enough to hold it in, at least until we're out of earshot.

"Right, ground rules." Katie snaps as we step in to the lift that will take us up to the roof. She ignores the attendant with the practised ease of someone used to overlooking the help. "No getting pissed, no trying to pull and _try _not to embarrass me, yeah? Oh and for fuck-sake, don't tell anyone your full name."  
"We're going to a party with free drinks and fit models and you expect me not to try to pull?" I'm not interested in pulling some bimbo model; I'm just trying to wind Katie up. It works.  
"Keep it in your fucking pants Campbell!" She rolls her eyes at me and sneers. "Besides, if you saw half of those fucking models without their makeup on you wouldn't look twice."

The elevator opens on to a sea of people and Katie instantly has a dazzling smile on her lips. She plays the crowd, talking to everyone who catches her eye. I stand quietly beside her, making the most of the free champagne as she talks to models and woos designers. Katie Fitch is most definitely a social creature and she has them all eating out of the palm of her hand. It's interesting at first, but the novelty of being at the swanky party soon wears off and after countless hours socialising I'm bored out of my mind. I leave Katie talking to some Swedish guy and make my way to the bar. I've been drinking the champagne the scantily clad waitresses have been carrying around on trays all night but I can't touch another drop of the stuff. I go to the bar and catch the eye of one of the barmen. "Jack and coke please."  
"ID?"

I roll my eyes at him as I fish through my purse for my passport. I'll be twenty-one in September and I'm hardly some fifteen year old yob trying to buy a bottle of cider. I finally get my hands on my ID and hand it over, realising too late that he's going to look at my name. "Jesus, with a name like that you want to get a fake ID love." He chuckles as he hands the offending passport back to me. Or at least he attempts to. It's swiped out of his hand before I can take it.

"Naomi Campbell? Christ and I thought I had a bad name for a model." She laughs as she hands me my passport back.  
"I'm not a model."  
She definitely is though, with short dark hair and sharp cheekbones, highlighted perfectly by her pixie style haircut. Her tanned skin looks natural and if I had to guess I would say she was of Italian descent. My suspicions are confirmed when she introduces herself.  
"I'm Gia. Gia Carangi."  
"Well Gia, shouldn't you be out shooting crack?" I snap, irritated at her for taking my ID. The last thing I want is to draw attention to my name. I'm already tipsy so that's one of Katie's rules broken, and from the way Gia is eyeing me up I guess I'm about to break another. She smirks, taking my dig in good humour.  
"I'm taking the night off. What about you Naomi? Shouldn't you be at anger management?" I can't help the smile that flutters across my lips, remembering when Cook said the same thing to me on the first day of college. I'd thought he was an arrogant prick…I'd been right of course; James Cook was and still is a prick, but there's more to him than that and without fail the boy can put a smile on my face.  
"I'm taking the night off." I shoot her own words back at her. She's obviously entertained by my response as she slides up beside me at the bar.  
"Oh? What about tomorrow night? Are you free then?"

She's expecting me to say yes, to jump at the chance to go on a date with a gorgeous model. I'm not that easy though and she's about to find out. "Who said I swing that way? Maybe I'm trying to chat the barman up." I wouldn't. He's a little runt of a man with greasy slicked back hair and I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole. She chuckles at me, a knowing look in her eye as she leans in close, her lips brushing against my ear.  
"Trust me Naomi; I know more than you think." I frown as I pull away, trying to figure out what the hell she's talking about. It doesn't take me long to get an answer as Katie makes her way over to us and gives Gia a brief hug.  
"Hey babe, Naomi's not bothering you is she?" Katie narrows her eyes at me like it's my fault her friend is hitting on me.  
"No, actually I was just asking if she was free tomorrow night-"  
"She's not." Katie snaps and the tension in her voice is unmistakable. "We're leaving." She glares at me, daring me to argue.  
"Shame." Gia pulls out a business card from her purse and places it in my hand, her fingers brushing against the palm of my hand. "Call me sometime. When you're free."

"What the fuck was that?" I finally snap at Katie once we're in the privacy of the lift. The valet is gone now that it's the early hours of the morning and we're free to argue in private. That's the second time in a few days that she's stopped a girl from flirting with me.  
"What? You fucking trying it on with one of my friends? Remember the rules? No fucking pulling!" She screams in my face and it's the last straw. Suddenly I'm faced with the good old Katie I used to know and hate. It's easier to be angry at her then it is to think about how good she looks in that dress, how it pushes her chest up, drawing my eyes in. I forget about all that as I slam my hand on the emergency stop button and the lift lurches to a stop.  
"What the fuck does it matter to you if I pull or not?" I shout back at her, knowing full well a confined space is not a good place for me and Katie to have a showdown. We'll be lucky if both of us leave this lift alive. "The barmaid, Gia, I mean what the fuck Katie? Are you jealous or something? Do you want a shag, is that it? Afraid you're missing out on something Emily's had-" She cuts me off mid-rant with a slap to my cheek. The noise echoes in the silent lift as she hits me hard enough to leave a red mark on my cheek and I'm stunned in to silence. I went too far. I know I did. Me and my big mouth have once again landed me in the shit.

Katie glares at me with every ounce of fury she can muster and I brace myself for another slap. It doesn't come, though the words she forces out through gritted teeth hurt far more than any physical blow. "It fucking matters ok? You and Emily were supposed to last! While the rest of us were fucking everything up, you two were supposed to be forever! But you fucked it up didn't you? Couldn't keep it in your fucking pants! You broke Emily's fucking heart and she left because of_ you_! She left me in this shit hole to deal with mum and dad and Effy. She left _me!" _Katie slams the button to start the lift again, her breath coming in short sharp furious gasps. "And you do have plans…In case you forgot we fucking buried Freddie two years ago tomorrow!"


	5. Chapter 5

I can't believe I forgot about Freddie's anniversary. I mean I knew it was coming up, I just didn't realise it was tomorrow. Last year had been a different story. The night we found out about Freddie, the night Cook found his blood stained clothes neatly packed away in plastic bags in Foster's basement, had also been the night Emily and I had finally broke up. After months of trying to make it work, with Emily flirting with every girl in sight and almost fucking Mandy just to hurt me back, after my big speech about loving her since I was twelve, she finally admitted it just wasn't enough. We just weren't working anymore. Emily was the one who ended it, and as much as I begged and pleaded for one more chance, I think deep down I knew it was too late too.

This time last year I was a mess. My head was all over the place and all I could think about was Emily and Freddie. I had lost them both, admittedly in different ways; Emily's still alive after all, but what we had together is definitely six feet under. This year has been different though. Somehow the pain got a little less and a little easier each day, to the point where I could go weeks without even thinking about Emily; or Freddie. It's hard, but that's how things work. How we cope. We keep going, keep living our lives, forgetting about the people we lose and leave behind.

Katie's words were like a slap to the face and there really wasn't anything I could say to defend myself. I'm sitting in the back of a taxi, my head resting against the cold glass window. That champagne has definitely gone to my head. Between that, arguing with Katie and thinking about Emily and Freds I'm on a complete downer. It's only as we come to a stop that I realise we're outside Katie's apartment. I stare vacantly up at her as she hands a tenner over the driver and then gets out. "Are you fucking coming or what?"  
"Uh, yeah." I fumble with my seatbelt and get out of the taxi. I follow her upstairs and in to the apartment, all in silence.

She kicks off her heels and tosses her handbag on to the kitchen bench before pulling a bottle of Jack Daniels out of the top cupboard. Without asking she fills two glasses and hands one to me. I never had her down as a Jack Daniels kind of girl. The straight whisky burns my throat as it goes down, warming my chest and keeping my brain in its alcohol induced fog. I knock it back in one and Katie follows suit. She tops us up and makes her way over to the sofa, taking the bottle with her. I follow her and the silence is getting awkward so I finally speak up. "I can't believe it's been two years."  
"Yeah." Katie mumbles and I can tell she's lost in her own head right now.  
"It must be hard for Eff-"  
"Yeah, poor Effy." She sneers as she finishes off her drink and goes straight for the bottle instead. "What about me? I lost him too you know! I fucking loved him Naomi..."

There are tears building up in her eyes and a couple finally fall as she scrunches her eyes shut and takes a hefty swig from the bottle in her hands. I snatch it off her before she can drink herself stupid and help myself to a long drink. I had always presumed Freddie was just a shag to Katie, but apparently her feelings ran a little deeper. I set the bottle down on the coffee table and out of her reach, before putting an arm around the sobbing Fitch. She shifts on the sofa and buries her head in the crook of my neck. My arms wrap around her of their own accord as I hold her tight and try to calm her down, muttering soothing words in to her ear.

Even as she's crying on me all my drunken mind can think about is how nice she feels against me. Her hair smells like cherries as she lifts up her head and it tickles my cheek. She's about to say something but I don't give her the chance. My lips press against hers, cutting off her words. For a second her soft full lips don't move and I know I'm in trouble. She's going to kill me when I pull away, so I don't. I carry on kissing her and surprisingly her own lips start to move against mine. She shuffles forward and somehow Katie Fitch is sitting on my lap, kissing me just as fiercely as I'm kissing her.

Just as suddenly as she started she stops and once again my cheek is stinging as she slaps it. She raises her hand again, but this time I catch it and use her own momentum against her. She stumbles forward and I crush our lips together once again. In for a penny, in for a pound and all that. I keep a firm grip on her wrist as I kiss her. She tries to pull away, but even as she's trying to wrestle her arm free her lips are moving against mine. Her other hand is still free though and it finds its way to the back of my head. She grabs a handful of my hair and yanks it, pulling my head back with enough force to make me whimper in to her mouth. Her tongue brushes against my lower lip, drawing my whimper out as she deepens the kiss; her hand is still tugging painfully at my hair and I finally give in and let go of her wrist. She lets go of my hair in return but our lips are still firmly locked together, fighting for dominance. It's a battle neither of us is going to win, but we're both stubborn enough to try.

My hands find their way to the smooth skin of Katie's bare legs, which are straddling my hips. She doesn't stop me so I let my hands slide a little higher, slipping them under her dress and running them along her thighs. Everything about this situation is so utterly fucked up, but right now if I don't get Katie's dress off her I think I'm going to crack up. Apparently our booze soaked brains are on the same wave length as Katie starts working on the buttons of my blouse. She frowns as her fingers fumble over the buttons and she breaks the kiss to focus on what she's trying to do. Her full lips are set in a pout as she continues to struggle with the buttons and I really can't help myself as I lean forward and nip at her jutting lower lip.

I think I've hit one of Katie's buttons as her eyes flutter shut and her hips grind against me, my hand is still under her dress and it brushes against her centre. She moans as I deliberately flex my fingers, pushing harder against her and making her hips buck again. She kisses me again, hard enough to bruise my lips as she pushes me down on the sofa, her entire body pressing down against my own.

"Katie-kins!" Fuck! Katie pulls away so quickly she almost falls on her arse as she scrambles off the sofa. She just finishes pulling her dress down as Cook walks in to the living room, grinning like an idiot and smelling like a brewery. Somehow I've managed to sit up in time and fasten the one button Katie actually managed to undo before he notices me. "Naoms! Alright, who's up for a party?"  
"I'm going to bed." Katie snaps, her voice is strained as she deliberately avoids looking at me at all and makes her way out of the room. Fuck, I wish I was going with her. Whatever the hell just happened between us has got me wound up tighter than a spring and I feel ready to snap as Effy walks through the door. She has to have passed Katie in the hallway and there's no way she can't know what's just gone on between us. Effy knows everything.

My cheeks are flushed, my lips swollen and my hair is a mess from Katie tugging at it. Effy takes in my appearance with a single look and a small smirk spreads over her lips. "Fun night?"  
"I have to go." I brush past Cook, ignoring his pleas for me to stay and have a drink with them. I've drank far too much already. Effy follows me to the door and takes hold of my arm before I can slip out.  
"You're coming tomorrow, yeah?"  
"Tomorrow?" I frown, not sure what I'm supposed to be coming along to. Though if it involves Katie my answer will definitely be no. She was drunk and upset tonight, tomorrow she's just going to be pissed. The wrath of Katie Fitch is not something I'm looking forward to.

"To the shed. Karen's invited us all over. We're having a drink for Freddie…I asked Katie to tell you about it. You are coming, right?" Suddenly all of her confidence is gone, she looks lost and alone and that's more frightening than anything Katie can throw at me so I crumble and nod.  
"Of course. I'll see you tomorrow."

I'm shaking by the time I get outside and the crisp night air is biting at my cheeks, making them sting as much as Katie's hand across my face had. I'm not sure whether Cook and Effy walking in on us was a blessing or a curse. They definitely stopped me from doing something stupid; but a part of me can't help but think about what might have happened if they hadn't turned up. Katie's going to kill me the next time she sees me anyway, so I might as well have done something to really deserve it. It's been months since I've slept with anyone, and in all honesty there haven't been that many girls other than Emily.

Katie has somehow gotten under my skin in the few days I've been home. Maybe it is something to do with residual feelings for Emily, or some sort of unresolved teenage tension, but whatever it is right now Katie Fitch is like an itch I can't scratch. And I _very _much want to scratch that itch.

***  
It's a miserable day, gloomy and overcast and totally clichéd as I make my way through rows and rows of graves, looking for the headstone of an eighteen year old kid. It's not hard to spot it, among the umpteen untouched graves there is a quite new looking black marble headstone, immaculately polished and surrounded by fresh flowers. It looks like I'm not Freddie's first visitor today; but thankfully I am alone at his grave.

"Hi." I feel stupid talking to his grave; I know he's not in there. Not really. All that's left in the ground below is the empty shell of a young man cut down in his prime. I'm not spiritual or religious. I don't believe in an afterlife or spirits. When we die, that's it. We just stop. Everything that makes us who we are is gone, leaving only skin and bones behind. Freddie can't hear me as I stand over his grave. When we try to talk to the dead we're doing it to comfort ourselves, no one else. "Sorry I didn't come last year. Had a lot going on you know…I didn't want to come back to me honest. It's this place you know, I felt like it was killing me…sorry. I guess that's a pretty stupid thing to say; but it's true. When I lost Emily I felt like I was dying. It was so hard. I had to get away, and when I did it got easier. Being in London, away from Ems and Effy and Cook, all of them, I felt like I could breathe. I've only been back a few days and I already feel like I'm choking again. I've already fucked everything up. It's what I do though, isn't it? Fuck things up." My bitter laughter is carried off with the wind as I shake my head. What the hell am I doing here? Wallowing in my own self-pity. Today is supposed to be Freddie's day and I'm turning it in to all about me.

I'm supposed to be at the shed in twenty minutes, but I'm not sure I can go. I know what's going to happen tonight. We're all going to pretend to play nice and get drunk and stoned off our tits in Freddie's memory; but as much as we pretend we can't forget about all the shit that's gone on. Effy and Cook, Freddie and Katie, the three musketeers, me and Emily…none of that shit can ever be undone. And now there's me and Katie to add to the mix of fucked up shit that's happened between our merry little group of screw ups. God she's going to kill me. I might as well start digging a plot beside Freddie because I can guarantee I'll be dead before the end of the night.

I spend another half an hour by Freddie's grave, until my phone starts going nuts as Effy and Cook take it in turns to phone me. I let their calls ring through and only set off once Effy leaves a particularly irritated voicemail. It doesn't take me long to get to Freddie's dad's house, but it does take me a while to build up the courage to go in the shed. The one and only time I've been in there before was the night I poured my heart out to Emily. The night she ended it. The night we found out Freddie was dead. Unlike the others the foreboding shed does not hold any fond memories for me. I've almost talked myself out of going inside when a curt voice accosts me from behind. "Are you just going to fucking stand there all night or what?" Fuck me; someone up there _seriously _has it out for me. I haven't even properly arrived at the party and I'm already facing Katie Fitch.

I turn around to face her and hold my breath, waiting for the verbal or possibly even physical assault that she is sure to reign down on me. "Katie-"  
"Save it Campbell." She snaps at me, her arms folded across her chest. Rather than making her seem intimidating she seems to shrink in on herself. "Tonight's about Freddie, yeah?" She doesn't give me a chance to respond as she shoves past me and opens the door to Freddie's shed. It hasn't changed in the two years since I was last standing in it and it's like stepping back in time as I find the others sprawled around, drinking and smoking dubious looking rollups. There's a definite party atmosphere and I can't help but think how appropriate it is. Freddie would love this.

"You made it!" Effy smiles as she pulls me in for a hug, she's still sitting down on one of the ratty old chairs so I end up being pulled down on to her lap as she presses her lips to my cheek. Her eyes are already glazed over and she smells like cheap vodka and weed. Out of the corner of my eye I see Katie give us a disapproving look. I'm not sure if it's because Effy's drunk or that I'm still sitting on her knee. Cook hands me a beer and I shuffle so I'm perched on the arm rest of the chair with my feet up on an upturned bucket. Katie sits beside Karen and JJ with an unopened bottle of beer in her hands and a distant look on her face.

It's clear she misses Freddie. After last night it dawned on me just how much she actually cared for him. He wasn't just a notch on her bedpost, a cool skater boy to dangle off her arm. She really liked him. Despite everything that happened between them and all the business with Effy, she stills holds him up high on a pedestal. She still protects Effy like a sister and I think maybe part of her does it for Freddie. She knew how much Freddie cared about Effy, and despite everything that happened between the three of them she's still looking after Effy for him.

Tonight Effy is buzzed and happy, surrounded by her friends and loved ones; the people who miss Freddie just as much as she does, and for once Katie should be able to relax, knowing where all here to look after the fragile girl; but she doesn't. We're there for hours and she barely gets through her second beer. She's on edge, her attention firmly on Effy; waiting for her to crack. She looks tired and I can't help but wonder if she slept at all last night. I can't help but feel a little guilty, knowing I'm at least partly responsible for keeping her up last night.

And then of course my thoughts go a little low brow and I start to think about other ways I could have kept her up last night and I can feel my cheeks burning with shame. I try to make small talk with Karen, asking her how she's doing and I find out Katie's got her a contract with a modelling agency. It looks like it's not just Effy that the oldest twin is looking after her.

We sit in the shed until the cold becomes too much and we each make our excuses to leave. JJ is first, he has to get back to Lara and Albert. Karen calls it a night next and tells us we're welcome to stay in the shed as long as we want. Effy and Cook have other ideas though. They want to keep the party going at a club. I'm really not in the mood and politely decline the invitation. It seems Katie doesn't want to go either and it's clear she thinks Effy shouldn't. They share a few harsh whispers before Katie finally relents and warns Cook to keep an eye on her. She hugs them both goodnight before turning to me. I can't read the expression on her face as she grumbles goodnight to me too.

Despite Cook and Effy trying to convince me otherwise I say my goodbyes too and make my way to the nearest bus stop, intending to catch the last bus home. I end up waiting ages and my fingers are numb by the time the bus finally shows up. I can barely feel them as I dig around in my jeans for some loos change. The driver shoots me an impatient look, but in all honesty I could care less what the balding prick thinks as I toss some coins at him and stumble down the length of the bus to the seats at the back. I really need to stop drinking. Despite being a student my liver really isn't used to this much abuse anymore. I even stopped smoking; though as I sit with my head against the window I'm craving a cigarette. Nicotine is far from the only thing I'm craving though.

I know I got lucky tonight with Katie. Apparently this new grown up Katie is capable of playing nice, or at least pretending to to keep the others happy. I know I won't be so lucky next time I see her and I'm probably going to have to keep my distance. Which is easier said than done when she seems to occupy all my thoughts. What is it with those Fitch twins? How do they work their way so far under my skin?

I'm not far from my mum's house when my phone goes off. My eyes find it difficult to focus on the small text of the message I've just received and I have to read it over a few times before I take in what it says. My fingers press the bell to stop the bus and I lurch forward as I try to hold on to the bar and try to dial a number at the same time. I have no idea what I'm doing as I get off the bus and wait for the taxi I've just called. All I know if I've just got a text from Katie saying we need to talk and my drunken mind is obeying.

The taxi takes me to her apartment and after paying the driver I make my way to the security door and clumsily hit at the buzzer for Katie's flat. The buzzer goes off as the door opens without Katie asking who it is. Taking a deep breath I push my way through the door and slowly make my way up the stairs. I start to drag my feet as I reach the second floor. I'm pretty certain I'm walking willingly to my own funeral, but I can't stop myself. I_ need _to see her. I get my wish as Katie's door is open and she's standing leaning against the frame. Her expression is set in a scowl as I slowly make my way towards her.

"Katie-" I have no idea what I'm meant to say to her. I'm sorry I kissed you? The problem is I'm not. I know it's wrong and messed up and I have no right to want her like I do, but I just can't help myself.  
"Shut up Campbell." She growls at me and I expect her words to be followed by a barrage of abuse and a long list of reasons why I'm a fuck up. What I don't expect is her lips on mine as she pushes me up against the door frame, pinning me between the door and her body.

She tastes like Jack Daniels again as our lips stay locked and we stumble inside. I notice the empty bottle on the table beside the door. It looks like she's made up for not drinking much tonight in the shed. "Katie-" I try again, knowing we're just digging a deeper hole for ourselves, but the fierce Fitch is having none of it. She bites down on my lip, hard enough for me to get the message. "You're not here for a fucking conversation Campbell." The door slams shut behind us as she pushes me down the hall. I expect her to guide us towards the living room, but instead she leads me in to the first door on the left. Her bedroom.

I vaguely register the leopard print bedspread before I'm roughly pushed down on to my back on the bed. In an instant Katie's straddling my hips and she's once again kissing me. Her tongue teases against my lips until I part them and grant her entry in to my mouth. I moan in to her mouth as she grinds her hips against me. It's clear exactly what's going to happen here. What isn't clear is why. I know she's slept with girls before, or at least Effy; but why me? I'm her twin's ex-girlfriend for fuck sake! Whatever the reason she seems to be gripped in a fever as frenzied as my own as she tugs my shirt over my head and her hands eagerly push my bra up out of her way. Her lips latch on to one of my nipples and any coherent thoughts I had fly out of the window as her skill full tongue flicks against my hardening nub. I can't help but think about exactly where I want that tongue and I can feel myself growing even more turned on at the idea of Katie Fitch going down on me. It's all kinds of wrong, but right now, with Katie's lips and hands all over my body I could care less about what's right.

We end up clawing at each other's clothes, desperate to get rid of the last physical barriers between us. As soon as Katie's breasts are exposed to me I take them in my mouth, giving them the same generous amount of attention she gave to mine. It's been months since I last had sex and it's almost shameful how desperate I am. How much I want Katie writhing beneath me and screaming my name. Except that's not the way it happens. "Fuck!" I hiss as Katie unceremoniously shoves a finger deep inside my core, her hand snaking up under my knickers, not even bother to remove them first. The unexpected intrusion is not unpleasant though as her thumb finds my clit and she starts to build up a steady rhythm. She certainly knows what she's doing. "K-Katie!" Her name comes out more like desperate pleading as she adds a second finger and picks up the pace.

It's nothing like sex with Emily, which shamefully at this point in time should really be the last thing on my mind, but as my eyes roll to the back of my head all I can do is compare the two. With Emily it was all love and tenderness; we literally made love. With Katie it's fucking, pure and simple. She's using me and I'm using her. I feel my legs trying to press themselves together as the pressure begins to grow and I'm not sure I can take much more. She uses her knee to spread my legs further apart and when she adds a third finger it's far too much. It's bordering on painful and I'm starting to see stars as she pounds in to me. I feel the pressure between my legs building up and I'm panting, desperate for release.

Without warning Katie dips her head down and her warm tongue replaces her thumb, lapping against the sensitive bundle of nerves at my core. It's too much and all at once I feel my muscles clench tightly around her fingers as that talented little tongue of hers forces me to come. I scream her name at the top of my lungs and all thoughts of Emily are banished from my mind. Emily and the others can wait until morning. Right now paying Katie back for what she's just done is the only thing I can think about.

**A/N:** **So I don't write that much smut, hopefully pulled it off without it being too cringe worthy XD Anyway, thanks again to everyone who's reading and reviewing! I'm quite enjoying writing this at the moment, as much as I'm a Naomily fan it's nice to be writing something different after months of just working on Naomily and Keffy fics.**


	6. Chapter 6

When my eyes open and take in the leopard print bedspread I instantly want to close them again. My mouth feels dry as a bone, a complete contrast to the wet stickiness between my legs. That's one of the worst things about sex, waking up the morning after and desperately craving a shower; unless of course you have sex _in _the shower which is a whole different thing and something Emily was quite fond of so I don't want to take my already guilt soaked brain down that particular avenue of thought. Mercifully Katie is nowhere in sight and I thank god for small miracles. I just know she's going to blame me for this, and yeah maybe it is partly my fault, but then again she was the one who text me. I was fighting it, this strange attraction the sister of a girl who I had adored with all my heart and soul.

Maybe it was a good thing this happened though. Maybe now it's done I've got Katie out of my system. I mean she is Emily's twin and I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about her in _that _way. I'm not blind. Katie Fitch is gorgeous; and boy does she know it. She has confidence, a way about her that just demands your attention. And damn is she good in bed for a straight girl. Ok bad thoughts. Fucking Katie, or more aptly her fucking me, was a onetime thing to get her out of my system. I should not be thinking about how good it was or how much I want it to happen again. "Fuck." I sigh in to the empty room as I push the covers back and start searching the floor for my clothes. I _really _need a shower right now, but I don't want to risk being half naked if Katie decides to come back in to the room.

My plan of attack is to head straight for the front door. Katie's room is the closest to the door, so unless she's standing waiting outside the door for me there's a good chance I could get out without having to face her. "Good morning." I open the door and find Effy sitting down on the floor opposite; her long legs poke out from under the oversized T-shirt she's wearing and block my path. She's sitting eating a bowl of cornflakes like it's the most natural thing in the world. Considering this is Effy then maybe she often has breakfast outside Katie's door, but my money is on the all-knowing Effy knowing I was asleep in Katie's room. Oh god, I don't even know what time Effy came home last night, and Katie and I weren't exactly quiet. I feel a heat spreading to my cheeks as Effy looks up at me with that infuriating smirk. "Breakfast?"  
"No. Thanks." I run a hand through my hair, aware it's a ruffled mess, as I try to smooth it down and tie it up. My throat is dry and I'm choking for a drink of water, but I don't want to hang around any longer than I need to. "Um…Where's Katie?"

Effy shrugs her slender shoulders at me. "She wasn't here when I got home." Oh thank god, at least I don't have to put up with the embarrassment of Effy having overheard us. Nope, I just need to contend with the walk of shame, which Effy is making quite difficult with her legs blocking my exit. "So, you scratch that itch then?"  
"Yeah. All sorted." It's a lie. Sleeping with Katie has made things ten times worse, but I'm not about to admit that to Effy. I don't want her blowing this thing out of proportion. I can deal with it. I can. I just need to lock myself in my room for the next six weeks until I can scurry home to London and not have to face anyone in Bristol for another two years. Possibly ten if I get my way.  
"Good." Effy nods; seemingly satisfied that her work is done. "So, who's better? Emily or Katie?"  
"Fuck off." I roll my eyes at her. I know she's joking, but it's cutting a little too close to the bone this morning.  
"Personally Katie gets my vote."

It takes a moment for my sluggish mind to pick up on the implications of that sentence. For her to pick she must have… "You fucking didn't? Effy, tell me you didn't fuck Emily-"  
"Who hasn't?" She smirks up at me, looking for a reaction. My hand lashes out and I slap her across the cheek. She doesn't even flinch, just looks up at me with that smirk on her lips like the whole world is one big joke to her.  
"You fucked Emily!" I growl at her, my temper rising at the thought of anyone else touching the girl I had loved since I was old enough to know what love was.  
"And you fucked her sister." Effy shoots back at me and we're suddenly at a stalemate. "It was just sex Naomi. Right?"  
"Right." I let it drop, feeling like the world's biggest hypocrite for being mad at Effy. She's right. Emily isn't mine anymore; and I'm not hers. We can screw who we want. Even if our choices are a little questionable. "I've got to go. I need…I need to go." This is all too much. I need to get away from Effy, and Katie and everyone else in this fucked up city. My hand is on the door when Effy finally speaks. Her voice is low and I almost miss what she says.  
"I lied."

When I turn back around her intense blue eyes are burning in to mine. "I didn't have sex with Emily. I was making a point."  
"And what point was that?" I snap back at her, more infuriated by the truth. I'm sick of her mind games. My head's screwed up as it is without her prodding and poking at it.  
"That maybe this thing with Katie is really about Emily. You still care about her."  
"Of course I do." I can't deny that. Emily was my first girlfriend, my first shag, my first everything. Regardless of what happened I can't just flip a switch and have that all mean nothing. I hope that somewhere deep down Emily still cares about me too; but it's not love. Not anymore. And this thing with Katie isn't because she looks like Emily, because I see the differences between them. Katie is nothing like Emily, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I sigh as I open the door, so close to my escape, and find Lara and Katie standing there. Katie's eyes widen in panic at finding me still there. She quickly hides her reaction though and wrinkles her nose at me. "You look like fucking shit. Next time you have a bender with Effy and Cook try showering afterwards." Her eyes glare at me, daring me to challenge her. I don't have the fucking patience or the strength to take her on after my little chat with Effy so I flip her off.  
"Go fuck yourself Katie."

Bad bad choice of words Campbell. She glares at me, those full lips of hers are set in a scowl and if it weren't for Lara and Effy I'd have pushed her up against that door by now and taken that jutting bottom lip between my teeth as I pushed my hand down her pants. Fuck this is so not healthy.

"JJ and I are having everyone over for dinner tomorrow night if you'd like to come Naomi." Lara smiles up at me. We never really had much of a chance to get to know each other when she first got with JJ, and the few times we did hang out Emily and I were constantly at each other's throats so she probably still thinks I'm a total bitch. I'd like to get to know her better, but the prospect of dinner with the whole gang, Katie included, seems a little too daunting right now so I think of a nice way to blow her off.  
"Sorry Lara, I've got plans with mum tomorrow. Maybe next time." Katie looks visibly relieved when I decline the invitation and a twisted part of me thinks that maybe I should go just to piss her off. After all, why should I make her life easy? It's not like she's ever made mine any easier. Whether it was the rumours she spread about me in high school or the hassle she gave me when I was with Ems, Katie's never done me any favours, so why should I do her any?  
"You should come. You've never tasted anything like Lara's cooking." Effy tries to convince me, but I've already made up my mind. I need a day or two to myself and time to sort my head out.

I say my goodbyes and make my way home. The second I'm in the house I pull off my clothes and take a nice long shower. The water is scalding hot and I stay under the spray until my skin is red raw. I still can't believe what happened last night. Katie and I have been at each other's throats since we were fourteen! If you'd asked me a week ago who I was most likely to fuck out of our merry little group of misfits then Cook probably would have been higher up on the list than Katie. Hell JJ would have had a better chance than her! I stand in the shower, letting the water wash over me as I try to think how the hell things turned out the way they have. By the time I turn off the water and wrap a towel around myself I'm still yet to have any sort of epiphany.

I stop in my tracks as I catch sight of my shoulders in the mirror. My skin has always been pale, which makes the angry red scratches that mar my back and shoulders stand out all the more. I twist and turn in front of the mirror, trying to take in the full extent of Katie's assault on my back. "Fuck!" I curse out loud. I can't remember the last time someone has marked me so much.  
"Alright love?" Mum pops her head around the bathroom door and I curse again.  
"Fuck! Bit of privacy please?" I snap angrily and make sure to keep my back away from her. The last thing I need is the Spanish Inquisition from Gina.  
"How was last night then?" She outright ignores my indignation. "Did you go to town? Did you pull?" She grins at me and it just pisses me off all the more.  
"Fine, no and…no." I falter over the answer to her last question. For a moment I consider breaking down and telling her the truth, but I'm pretty sure she would call me a daft cow and go in a mood with me. Mum liked Emily. Almost as much as I did. When she and Kieran came back from travelling the summer we split up she was less than impressed when she found out what had happened. What I had done. It had taken mum a long time to forgive me and I don't want to spend the rest of my time here being lectured about how much I'm screwing with people's lives; because really I don't need mum or anyone else to tell me how fucked up it is that I slept with my ex's twin sister.

Mum eventually picks up on my mood and leaves me alone. When I get in to my room I lock the door behind me and let the towel drop to the floor as I stand in front of the full length mirror on the back of my door. I wince as I run a finger over one of the deeper scratches on my shoulder blade. I shudder as I remember how these marks were made, my head buried between Katie's legs, her sharps nails scraping down my back, urging me on, pushing me further in to her…fuck!

I pace my room, suddenly feeling restless and far too turned on by the thoughts of last night. I should feel disgusted with myself. I should be angry at how I've once again betrayed Emily, even if we're not together anymore fucking her sister is still a pretty big betrayal, but it's been months since I've been with anyone and Katie has left her mark on me in more ways than one.

I lie in bed and try not to think about either of the Fitch twins, but my mind is a traitor and my room, which has mostly been unchanged in the last two years, is like a time capsule, frozen in a moment in time when Emily and I were together. There are photos of us on the walls, hugging and kissing, posing for the camera. There are clothes in my wardrobe that don't belong to me; books and DVDs that have lay on my shelf untouched for years, waiting for their rightful owner to claim them back. Emily had been living here when we'd finally called time on our relationship, or what was left of it anyway. She'd hastily packed her bags after our last big row and had left an assortment of things behind her. For some reason this pisses me off all the more and I find myself on my feet, frantically pulling down pictures from the wall and shoving everything of hers I can find in to a duffel bag that I find at the bottom of my wardrobe.

It doesn't take long to cleanse my room of her stuff, but when I collapse back on to my bed I feel physically drained. Days and nights of drinking, never mind last night's bedroom Olympics, have finally caught up with me and not long after my head hits my pillow my eyes begin to close of their own accord. I don't fight it. I'm exhausted and I know sleep will do me good. It's a chance to escape this living nightmare where I seem to have found myself fancying Katie Fitch; I know at some point I'll need to talk to Katie about last night, but the longer I can put that particular conversation off the better.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **So I've got a load of stuff I should be updating but this is all I seem to be able to write at the moment, though I can't promise updates will always be this quick! Thanks again for reading and to everyone who's reviewed.

"What do you mean you're not coming?" Cook whines at me as he shovels cornflakes in to his mouth. "Dinner at JJ and Lara's is practically tradition! Trust me that girl can cook!" The boy has food on the brain as he fills his bowl for the second time in the ten minutes since he got here. My own bowl is still half full with the soggy cereal sticking to the sides. I push it away and cradle my cup of coffee in my hands.  
"I mean I'm not coming. I've got plans." I shrug, knowing it won't be good enough to appease Cook but I have no intention of letting him talk me in to going out tonight.  
"Aww, c'mon Naoms! Katie's already dropped out so it's only me and Ef as it is!"  
"Katie's not going?" I ask, trying to keep my tone natural. Cook shakes his head as he shovels in another spoonful of cereal.  
"Nah, she's got some fancy party to go to. I tried to get us an invite, what with all them lovely models." He throws a wink my way. "But Katie was having none of it."

"Fine. I'll change my plans." I sigh, trying to sound like I'm doing it for him and not just because Katie isn't going to be there. A night with the gang might help keep my mind occupied so I can stop thinking about what happened between me and Katie the other night. I've been going over it constantly, trying to work out why it happened. Why Katie even asked me over in the first place. Had she planned on getting me in to bed? I mean she knew Cook would keep Effy out all night so there was no fear of getting caught...or had it just been because she was drunk?  
"Sweet! I was thinking, why don't we go in to town, shoot a couple games of pool, have a couple beers, watch the match this afternoon then go to JJ's tonight? Lara's let JJ out for the day so he's up for it."  
"JJ doesn't drink." I point out the obvious to him, though I've got to admit it does sound like a good plan. It's a hot sunny July day and I can't think of a better way to waste it then sitting in a beer garden somewhere drinking a cold one.

By the time I get ready and we meet JJ at Cook's uncle's pub it's late in the morning and the sun is high in the sky with not a cloud in sight. We order a couple of pints to save us going back to the bar and sit outside the pub on the picnic table out the back. "This is the life, aye Blondie?" Cook grins at me after he's supped his first pint in one long gulp. I pick up my own and take a tentative sip. It's the first morning since I got back that I haven't woken up with a hangover and I don't intend on having one tomorrow morning so I take it easy, it has barely gone ten after all. JJ has his usual orange juice in one hand and Albert sitting on his knee. The little boy is quite adorable as he sits playing with a bright red fire engine and a plastic dinosaur, which appear to be at war with one another, muttering away to himself. He's lost in his own little world of make believe and I'm a little bit envious.

Cook seems in his element out here too, with the sun on his face and a pint in his hand. He's like a different man to the one I saw last year in prison. Freddie's death had hit him hard. Finding his blood stained clothes, neatly packed and stacked in Foster's basement had sent him teetering over the edge he had been so precariously resting on for so long. He had almost killed Foster that night, had a concerned neighbour not rang the police he might have finished the job properly. I wonder where that neighbour had been the night Foster had beaten an eighteen year old kid to death. No one had heard Freddie calling out for help, no one had been looking out for him; except Cook. He had gone to Foster's to find Freddie, never imagining he would find his best friend's body.

Cruelly Foster had survived Cook's attack, but it could hardly be said the man was living a good life. Cook had hit him so hard with a baseball bat, when had finally wrestled it out of Foster's hands, that he had shattered several discs in his back. John Foster would never walk again, that was for sure. Foster had been sentenced to life for murder and attempted murder. Cook had been cleared of GBH as the jury believed he was acting in self defence when he attacked Foster; even if he had gone a little too far. He had still been an escaped convict though and had gone back to prison to finish his time for attacking that guy at the party; and of course for the drugs that had led to Sophia's death.

I take an extra long gulp of my pint as I try not to think about Sophia. I have enough to feel guilty about right now without thinking about her or Cook taking the rap for one of my many stupid mistakes when I was a kid. It's funny how at seventeen, eighteen, we all think we're such grown ups. Even now, only two years on, I can see how wrong I had been back then. I thought I knew best. Thought I was all grown up and ready for what the world had to throw at me.

Cook doesn't talk about his time inside, he's not the type to dwell on the past. He lives each day like it's his last; which I guess is pretty understandable when your best friend is murdered at eighteen. I only saw him twice when he was inside. It was hard to see him in there, caged like an animal. He hadn't been himself back then. His eyes had been wide and unseeing as he'd sat opposite me in the visiting room. His eyes had been dead. Today though, today they're sparkling as he laughs and jokes and whistles at women that walk past our table. He starts asking my opinion and somehow he comes up with a rating scale from one to ten. We sit enjoying the sun and the view until a car pulls up a little down the road and Cook lets out a long whistle and playfully elbows me in the ribs. "What do you think then Naoms? Seven, eight?"

I squint against the sun and catch sight of the girl he's talking about. I don't get time to answer though as she walks straight up to us, a scowl contorting her pretty face. "Fuck off Cook." She sneers at him knowing exactly what game he's playing. "I'm a fucking ten and you know it." Cook howls with laughter and slaps his leg as he barks like a seal.  
"Well you know Katie-kins I've yet to see the goods so I can't exactly give top marks now can I?" He teases as he waggles his eyebrows at her. I have definitely seen all Katie has to offer and I'd gladly give her a ten. I'd gladly give her a lot of things, but that's besides the point.  
"Language." JJ scorns as he covers Albert's ears. The little boy giggles as he places his own hands over JJ's like they're playing a game.

Katie's expression instantly transforms as she scoops Albert up in to her arms. "Hey little man, are you coming with auntie Katie?" The little boy claps and giggles as he pulls as at her necklace. It's clear he's quite taken with her as he's lost all interest in the rest of us, even if his toys lie abandoned on the table. JJ hands over the bag he brought with him which I'm guessing has the kind of things you need to carry with you when you have kids. You know, spare clothes, nappies, earplugs, that kind of thing.  
"Lara's expecting him at four o'clock and she said to say she's not happy you're not coming for dinner."  
"Sorry JJ. I've got to go to this party last night. I've got a meeting lined up with a pretty major player. If I get the contract I'm going to Milan for..." She trails off as she looks between the three of us and realises she's not talking to anyone with any particular fashion interest. Though I must admit it's been a while since I've worn anything floral. "Anyway, I'll drop him off when I bring Effy over. Come on Albert, let's go to the park and play on the swings, yeah?"

I watch her get back in to the car and completely ignore me. She didn't even send a scowl my way or even really acknowledge I was there. Cook catches me looking at her and grins. "So what about it then Blondie? I'd do her!"  
"You'd do anyone." I roll my eyes at him and return the shove. He feigns indignation, but JJ backs me up.  
"She's right Cook. You do have particularly low standards."  
"Give off it!" He sulks and finished off what's left of his pint. "You would though! I bet she's well filthy-"  
"Can we change the fucking subject please?" I snap, not happy with the way he's leering at me as he talks about Katie. "Didn't you say something about pool?"

Mercifully Cook does as I ask and we go inside to waste a couple of hours playing pool. When we finally get back to JJ's it's after four and Albert and Effy are already there. "Gnomey!" Albert greets me with a wide eyed smile and it's nice to get such a warm reception for a change, even if it is from a child. Lara is just as friendly, she pulls me in for a brief hug and exclaims that she's happy I could make it after all. Effy tosses me a wave from the sofa where she's engrossed in a glossy magazine. I leave Albert with JJ and Cook and follow Lara in to the kitchen to offer her a hand with dinner, not that I'm very good in the kitchen, but it seems the polite thing to do.

"I really am glad you could make it. It's nice to have another girl around. Katie's always so busy with work these days and Effy's got uni...it's nice having everyone over once in a while."  
"Yeah, it's a shame Katie couldn't make it." The words slip out of my mouth and I mean nothing by them, but Lara's expression falters and for a second she gives me an oddly knowing look. It reminds me of Effy and that's never good. She turned up with Katie the morning after we slept together. Had Katie come here and told her what had happened? Had she gone to Lara's and told her what we'd done? From the way Lara quickly recovers and changes the subject I'm inclined to think she has. Fuck. I didn't realise they were so close. I feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment as I think of what Katie might have said to her.

The rest of the night is pretty uneventful. After dinner Lara puts Albert to bed and we sit around the table drinking the last of the wine and talking rubbish, which is all we ever seem to do when we're together. It's not until the doorbell goes that I check my watch and realise how late it is. When Lara comes back from the front door with Katie in toe I decide it's definitely time to go. "I'm going to call it a night guys. Thanks for having me Lara, dinner was delicious." I try to hastily say my goodbyes but Effy cuts me off.  
"Katie will drop you off, won't you Kay?" I have to stop myself from shouting out in protest. Katie does it for me.  
"It's out of the way Eff." She sighs and usually I'd say she's just being a bitch, but she looks exhausted. Her hair and make-up still look immaculate, but I can tell from her weary expression it's been a long night for her.

"It's fine. I can get the bus-"  
"Don't be stupid. It's not that far out of the way." Effy scorns and that's the end of that argument as Katie rolls her eyes and gives in.

We say our goodbyes and make our way to Katie's car. Effy goes straight for the front seat so I sit in the back. "Actually I'm really tired. Can you drop me off first?" Effy pleads and I hear Katie mutter a string of obscenities under her breath. When she pulls up outside of the flat they share Katie tells Effy to make sure she locks the door and watches her inside before she turns to me with a frown. "Get in the front. I'm not your fucking chauffeur." I scowl back at her as I undo my seatbelt and get in to the front seat. She pulls away the second I shut the door. It's not far to my house, but the thick silence in the car makes the journey seem like it's taking a lifetime.

When we finally get to my house I'm desperate to get out of the car, but a niggling doubt keeps me rooted to the seat. After a moment Katie glares at me. "What?"  
"So we're just going to pretend the other night didn't happen?" I finally blurt it out, no longer able to keep my mouth shut. I expected Katie to scream and shout at me, to claim I'd forced myself on to her or taken advantage of her, some bullshit like that. Instead she sits quietly with her hands on the wheel, staring out of the windscreen.  
"What do you want me to say Naomi?" She sighs, the fatigue returning to her voice as she slumps over the wheel and rests her head down on it. "I was drunk, ok?"  
"Why?" It's the one question that's bugged me the most. If she wanted a drunken booty call why not call someone else? Hell she knows plenty of models, male and female, she must have plenty of friends she can call.

"Because I was tired and upset, ok? I spend every fucking day looking after Effy, looking out for signs she's going to go mental again, or watching Albert so Lara and JJ can have some time together. I was upset Naomi, I lost Freddie too and I miss him! But I can't cry or kick off about it. I just have to get on with it, for Effy's sake...sometimes...sometimes I just feel like I'm going to break. I just needed...needed someone, ok?" Her lisp is more pronounced then I've heard in a long time as she forces the words out. Her hands are white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly and for a moment I wonder if she'd keeping them there to stop herself from lashing out at me. I don't really feel up to another slap from her.  
"So you called me?"  
"Don't fucking flatter yourself Campbell." She tries to laugh but the sound dies in her throat. "I wanted to fucking kick off with you about kissing me...then when you showed up I just...I just needed a release, you know? Scratch an itch." I wince at her choice of words.

"Well if you ever need someone-" I try to do the grown up thing an offer her an olive branch, but in true Katie Fitch fashion she takes it off me and hits me with it.  
"Dream on Campbell, that was a once in a fucking lifetime event so make the most of it perv!"  
"I meant if you need to _talk._ Someone to talk to." I grit my teeth to try and keep my tone reasonable. It's hard work to break the habit of a lifetime but I think my words sound sincere enough. Katie must think so too as her expression falters.  
"Why?" It's her turn to question me now. "Why would _you_ do anything for _me_?" She seems baffled by the notion that I might actually care. I shrug, trying to stop it from seeming like such a big deal.  
"Why would you do anything for Eff?" I throw back at her. After all there had been a time when Effy was even more despised by the Fitch family than I was. "We might not have been friends back then, and I know you hated me but-"  
"I didn't hate you." She admits in an uncharacteristically quiet voice. "After you and Ems got together I didn't really mind you so much..." Until I hurt Emily. She leaves that bit unspoken, but we both know what she means. Maybe this is my way of making amends for hurting Emily though, by offering to help her twin; and of course it has nothing to do with wanting to spend time with Katie.  
"You know where I am if you need me...to, you know, talk or whatever."  
"Thanks." She smiles meekly at me as I get out the car. "Oh, and Naomi? We were friends. Sort of."

It's a few days before I hear from Katie again. Despite our little heart to heart in her car things are understandably still a little tense between us and I've avoided her and the rest of the gang for the last three days. When my phone goes off though it's a text from Katie. '_Had shit day. Can you come over? x' _I begin to regret offering her a shoulder to cry on. I want to be there for her, but at the same time all I can think about is the last time I was at her place; and it's pretty hard to console someone when all you can think about is how good they are in bed. Fuck it. I said I'd be there for her so I change out of my pyjamas, not that I make much more of an effort with my sweatpants and a hoodie. I send her a quick text back letting her know I won't be long and then call a taxi. It's still light outside but it's been raining off and on all day and I can't be bothered with the bus.

It doesn't take long to get to Katie's and after paying the driver I run across the street and up the stairs to the front door to try and avoid being soaked. Katie buzzes me straight in and I'm grateful not to be stuck out in the rain for long. I take my time on the stairs, repeating a mantra in my head to keep cool and not to say or do anything stupid. When I reach the top of the stairs the door is open and Katie's leaning against it and it's deja-vu all over again. Swallowing the lump that's formed in my throat I try my best to sound concerned as I walk up to her. "Got your text, what's up-" I'm cut off as she grabs my wrist and pulls me inside the flat. The door closes behind us as Katie pushes me back against it, her lips find mine and suddenly my mantra is useless as my hands find her hips and pull her flush against me. God, why does this keep happening. "What happened to just needing someone to talk to?" I pant as our lips part, though she doesn't pull away completely as my hands are still on her hips, keeping her close. She rolls her eyes at me and looks at me like I'm stupid.

"If I want someone to talk to I've got Lara you daft cow."  
"Ok...so what do you want from me?" Even as I ask her hand is clamped around the waistband of my sweats, her nails gently digging against my stomach as she drags me down the hall towards her bedroom door. She smirks at me and everything about her expression is purely predatory.  
"And I thought you were supposed to be smart Campbell." I suppress a shudder as I willingly let her lead me in to her room; I still have the marks on my back from the last time her nails were anywhere near me.  
"Katie-" My voice shakes as the door closes behind us. It was one thing shagging when we were both drunk, but this is different. As far as I know we're both stone-cold sober and yet Katie's still tugging my hoodie over my head. Once she gets it off she tosses it aside and silences me with another kiss. Her lips are fierce and relentless as she gently pushes me back towards her bed.  
"I said no talking." Her tone is stern and it's really fucked up but it's sexy as hell as she shoves me down on to her bed and climbs on to my lap and places a finger against my lips. "So shut the fuck up, yeah?"


	8. Chapter 8

For the second time this week I find myself lying in Katie Fitch's bed, as naked as the day I was born. I've been lying on my back looking up at the ceiling for the last ten minutes. It's not that late but my eyes feel heavy and if I'm not careful I'm going to end up falling asleep here. Katie is lying quietly beside me, with her back to me, so I'm not sure if she's fallen asleep or not. I push back the leopard print duvet and slip out of bed, my eyes searching the floor for my clothes. I've just pulled my bra on when Katie rolls over to look at me. I freeze with my T-shirt half over my head, holding my breath and waiting for the fall out. It's not like it's the first time we've done this; but it is the first time we've both stuck around afterwards, and being sober doesn't help either. She's lying on her side, propped up on her elbow, her soft brown eyes staring up at me. Her hair is a tussled mess as she runs a hand through it and lets out a yawn. "Hungry?" She quizzes and it's not quite what I was expecting. I shrug and finish pulling my clothes on. I'm actually starving and my stomach grumbles in agreement. I hadn't planned on sticking around but as long as we're playing nice I might as well get some dinner out of the deal.

Katie wraps the blanket around herself as she slips out of bed. Of course it's a little late for modesty considering I've seen her naked twice now. She doesn't bother searching the floor for her own clothes and just pulls out a pair of shorts and a T-shirt from her chest of drawers. "I can make some pasta or something?" She lets the blanket drop as she pulls up her shorts, not that they do much to cover her. They just about cover her backside and the tops of her thighs, leaving her nicely toned legs on display. I suggest ordering a pizza but she rolls her eyes at me. "Please, do you know how much crap they put in those things? It's not even real cheese!" I get a lecture on food nutrition all the way in to the kitchen. I suppose it's better than her shouting at me for taking advantage or whatever. Really, she's being oddly indifferent about the fact that we've just had sex. Again.

I lean against one of the kitchen counters as she potters about boiling pasta and making the sauce. It's odd, seeing her so domestic. Though it's an interesting show as she bends over to get another pan out of one of the bottom cupboards. When she looks over at me and finds me staring she rolls her eyes. "Are you just going to stand there perving? Make yourself useful and get some bowels out." She's smiling as she says it though and somehow this entire situation is just too surreal. She should be throwing pans and bowls at my head, not asking me to set the table. Since when did she just have casual sex with girls? With me?

"Hey, I'm very useful!" I shoot back, pushing my luck a little as I brush past her to get to the cupboard I think the bowls are kept in.  
"Really?" I almost drop the bowls on the floor as Katie pushes up against me, her breasts pressing against my back as her lips hover by my ear. Fuck, she needs to stop doing whatever it is she's doing that turns me in to a mindless hormonal mess. I feel like a teenager again as her lips find my neck and her teeth every so gently nip at the sensitive flesh of my collarbone. It looks like Katie wants to 'talk' again. I forget all about dinner as I turn around and reverse our positions so that I've got her pinned against the counter. I'm getting a little tired of playing on Katie's terms. She smirks as my hands find her hips, like this is all a game and she's winning. Maybe it is. Or maybe I'm just losing my mind in the most spectacular fashion I can think of. When I try to kiss her she bites at my lip, hard enough to bruise and it's all it takes for me to lose what little sanity I have left. My hands cup her backside and she knows what I'm planning as her arms wrap around my neck and she helps me to lift her on to the bench. Her shorts ride up, revealing even more of her thighs. There's a bite mark bruising the creamy flesh and it stirs something inside of me knowing I'm the one responsible for it.

I kiss her again and this time she allows it and eagerly kisses me back. She moans in to my mouth as my tongue slips past hers, deepening the kiss. At the same time my hand sneaks under her shorts and my fingers brush against her core. She's still wet from before and I easily slip a finger inside of her. Her hips buck forward to meet me as her legs wrap around my waist, pulling me deeper inside of her. I add another digit and feel her clench around me. She squirms when I slow my movements, deliberately teasing her. So far she's been the one in control, and while I have no objections to that sometimes it's nice to be the one taking charge. Especially when taking charge means I get Katie Fitch moaning my name as she impatiently grinds against me. I'm not really sure when that became a life goal of mine, but it's one I'm more than happy to have achieved.  
"Fuck...Naomi-"  
"Katie, I'm home!"  
"Fuck!" Katie pushes me away as the front door slams shut and Effy calls out to her. Before I can even think about what I'm doing I duck to the floor, knowing the kitchen counter will hide me from Effy's view. Katie seems pleased with this as she steps around the counter to stop Effy from walking over and seeing me. Clearly I'm not the only one who thinks what we're doing is a whole new level of wrong; but then again I'm not the one who keeps starting it.

Her cheeks are flushed and her voice is strained as she greets Effy. She moves her weight from one leg to the other as she stands, and I can't help the cheeky smirk that spreads across my lips, knowing how uncomfortable she must be feeling right now, and how close she had been to release before Effy had so rudely interrupted us. They chat for what feels like hours but in reality is more like ten minutes. Thankfully Effy finally decides she needs a shower before bed and heads back down the hallway to the bathroom. I let out the breath I've been holding since she walked in to the flat and jump to my feet, intending to get the hell out before she comes back. Katie has other ideas though. She tugs at my wrist and pushes me back against the counter, trapping me in place with her body. I can't believe this is happening as she guides my hand back to the waistband of her shorts. Effy could walk back in any second. Is she trying to get us fucking caught?

"Katie-"

"_Naomi_." She whines as she bites at her full lip and stares at me with those big brown eyes. Fuck, I can't stop myself as my hand slips under her shorts and continues where it left off. I'm standing in Katie's kitchen, fucking her with Effy only a few feet away in the bathroom and in all honesty I can't help myself. I think she's turned me in to some sort of nymphomaniac. I'm going to have to start going to meetings, find God, get myself a sponsor and a chastity ring...or of course I could always just carry on having 'conversations' with Katie. I forget all about teasing her as my fingers pump furiously in to her, trying to get her off before Effy catches us. It's a little twisted, but in a way it's exhilarating, knowing we could caught at any moment. Ironically the last time I was almost caught having sex it was by Katie herself. Emily and I had been a little impatient at a club and Katie had wandered in to the toilets at the worst possible time. All thoughts of Emily are pushed from my mind as I finally push Katie over the edge and feel her clench against my fingers.

"I should go." I whisper even though there's no way Effy could hear me from in the bathroom. Katie nods, too breathless to talk. Her cheeks are a healthy pink and her lips are full and swollen while her eyes are half closed. I pull out of her and go to wipe my hand on my sweatpants, but Katie has other ideas and guides my hand to her lips, taking my fingers in to her mouth while her eyes stare me down. She smirks as my breath catches in my throat. When she lets go of my hand it drops back down to my side as I stare at her, suddenly dumbstruck.  
"I'd say you could stay the night…but I don't think you could be quiet enough."

Fucking bitch.

I should be making my escape before Effy comes out of the shower but I'm pretty sure the only thing holding me up is my grip on the bench. My legs feel like they're made of jelly and the throbbing between them is unbearable. Somehow I make myself step forward and cup her chin as I lean in to kiss her. My tongue probes her mouth and it's deeply satisfying when she moans in to the kiss and for once it feels like I actually have some sort of control. I pull away first, a smirk on my lips.  
"Your loss." I even manage to keep my voice from shaking as I let go of her chin and place one last peck on her lips. "See you around Katie."

I'm halfway down the hall to the door when she catches up to me. She pushes me against the wall, pinning me by my wrists as she crushes our lips together, her leg slipping between mine and pushing up against exactly the right place. "What was that?" Effy calls out from the shower in response to the sound of my back hitting the wall.  
"Nothing." Katie doesn't miss a beat as she pulls away from me long enough to answer. She growls in my ear as she grabs hold of the waistband of my trousers, pulling me towards her room. "You better be fucking quiet Campbell!"  
"Or what?" I challenge her as I take a seat on her bed. She throws me a sultry look over her shoulder as she locks her bedroom door behind us. It sends shivers running through my body, right to my core.  
"Or I'll make you."

Somehow we get away with me staying over without Effy finding out, which must be a first. Nothing gets past Effy. Katie has another early photo shoot so I wake up to an empty bed. I have to wait an hour before Effy leaves the apartment. When she finally does I slip out of Katie's room and head straight for the shower. It's nice to take a shower in peace and not have Kieran or mum banging on the door. I take my time and by the time I get out I resemble a prune.

After I get ready I pad in to the kitchen and help myself to some breakfast. I'm sitting on the sofa munching on some toast when the landline starts ringing. I ignore it and let the answering machine pick it up.  
"Hey Katie, I lost my phone so I don't have your mobile number. Just letting you know I've booked my train tickets for the second week of August, so I'll see you and Eff soon!" I almost choke on my toast as Emily's voice fills the room.

Fuck, it's almost August now. Emily will be back in Bristol in just over two weeks. I feel my stomach drop and a lump forming in my throat. I haven't even heard her voice in almost two years, yet the husky tones are as familiar as my own voice. Fuck. I can't face her, even after all this time I just can't do it. The last time we spoke, the night _she _decided it was over, she'd looked at me with sad wide eyes that had broken my heart there and then.

_'I can'__t trust you. __Not anymore.'__  
'Do you still love me?' _

'_It's not enough Naomi. I'm sorry, but it's not__…I've applied for uni in Leeds. Got my acceptance letter this morning-"__  
"Ems please-"__  
"It's too late Naomi…it's over. We're over.' __  
__  
_I'm so lost in the past that I don't hear the front door open. Katie walks in carrying a load of bags. I'm not sure if she even had work or if she just wanted an excuse to leave this morning. It's not like we're exchanging pillow talk or anything. It's just sex. Mind blowing, phenomenal sex.  
"You're still here then?" She puts her bags down on the sofa beside me as she catches sight of the light blinking on the answering machine.  
"I was just leaving." I stand up as she presses the play button and Emily's voice fills the room once again. Katie's expression becomes stoic as she glares at the answering machine. She doesn't even look at me as she replies.  
"Yeah. That's probably a good idea."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:**Thanks again to everyone who's reading and for the reviews :) I'm glad people are enjoying this, I'm actually surprised how much I like writing this pairing, and I don't usually write so much smut XD Also Emily is coming in to this, but not just yet.

"Katie-" I hover by the kitchen table as she slams around in the kitchen looking for something to have for lunch, but that's as far as I get as I realise I have no idea what to say to her. Neither of us has said a word since Emily's voicemail. After Katie agreed I should go I went in to her room and finished getting dressed before coming back out in to the kitchen. I know she's told me to go but I can't. There's too much that needs to be said; but I can't for the life of me get a single word out.  
"Please Naomi…just go."  
"Are you…are you ok?"

It's the absolute wrong thing to ask as she turns around and starts screaming at me. "When the fuck have you ever cared if I was ok? We fucked Naomi, that's it. You don't have to start buying me flowers and asking how my day was."  
"Three times." I correct her; apparently I'm just full of the wrong words today as she glares at me.  
"What do you want, a fucking medal?" She snaps and I really can't help the words that slip out of my mouth or the way my lips twist in to a smirk.  
"Well if you think I'm that good."

I expect her to kick off again but she stares at me in shock for a moment before bursting out laughing. "Don't flatter yourself Campbell…I've had better."  
"Right, Effy?" I snap back, my ego more than a little bruised by her comments. It's her turn to smirk as she realises she's rattled me.

"Aww, don't worry babes, you're not the worst."  
"Fuck you Katie." I try not to pout but still end up sounding like a petulant child. It just encourages Katie to wind me up all the more.  
"Not exactly top ten but-" I've had enough of her teasing and shut her up the only way I know how. My lips find hers as I push her back against the kitchen bench, just as I had last night. Unlike last night though she pushes me away.

"I've got an hour till I have to get back to the shoot. You might be good in bed Campbell, but I'm starving, I need to get some lunch."  
"So I _am _good in bed?" I'll take that as a win as she rolls her eyes at me and continues rummaging through the cupboards for something to eat. "Where's your shoot? We could go for some lunch? My treat?"  
"Fine." Katie gives in. "Where are you taking me?"

We end up in a café in town, one of those pretentious places that charge a fortune for coffee served out of tiny cups. "So…" I start after we've ordered and the waitress leaves us alone at our table by the window. Once again I don't make it much further than that. I mean, what am I meant to say to her? Other than 'why me'? Katie cuts me off again though, avoiding the conversation.  
"I've got a favour to ask." This should be good. "I've got a shoot in Milan over the weekend. I need you to stay with Effy; but it has to seem like it's your idea. She hates me making a fuss-"  
"She'll see right through this." I roll my eyes at her.  
"Well just tell her your mum's doing your head in or something…and do a good fucking job of convincing her."

"How's she doing anyway? I mean is she still-"  
"Crazy?" Katie interrupts me, as tactful as ever. Her expression softens as she sighs. "She's doing ok. I just hate leaving her alone. So just talk to her, please?"  
"Yeah, sure." In all honesty it would be nice to get away from mum and Kieran for a few days. "I'll have a word with Effy. So what are you doing in Milan?"  
"I've got a shoot for Versace. I managed to get this model that is _so _in demand. It's gonna be ace."  
"When did you get in to photography anyway?" I quiz. Katie had never exactly been the artistic type.

She shrugs as she picks at the Panini she's ordered for lunch. "Found a camera a couple years ago. I was just messing about, took some photos…got some shots of a few celebs in clubs and sold them to the papers." She shrugs again like it's no big deal, but from what Effy's said she's making something of a name for herself.  
"There's a photography exhibit on at the Gallery next week…" I trail off as I realise it sounds like I'm asking her on a date. "I don't know if it's any good-"  
"Not my kind of thing." Katie dismisses the idea and I feel like I've just been shot down. Of course Katie wouldn't be interested in art galleries. For her it's probably all about the models and the money anyway. The fancy trips to Milan and the dinner parties; not the art. That's not Katie Fitch. "I need to be at my shoot in ten minutes…you can come if you want. Just don't fucking perv."  
"When do I perv?"  
"You've been staring down my top since we sat down Campbell." Busted.

I tag along to the shoot with her, it's not like I've got anything better to do. We go down to an old warehouse by the docks. Whichever magazine she's working for have hired it out for the day and it's full of lights, models and make-up artists all waiting for Katie. The second she shrugs off her coat she starts barking out commands and the warehouse becomes a hub of activity. I'm left on the side-lines as she dives head first in to her work and forgets all about me. Someone else takes an interest though. "Hello Campbell, you come to have a go?" Gia winks at me as she struts over to the wooden pallet I'm sitting on. God knows how she's able to walk in the heels she's wearing and her dress leaves little of her olive toned skin to the imagination.  
"Not really my thing." I squint up at her, the sun hitting me in the eyes as I throw her a smile.  
"You've got the looks for it…from what I can see." She gives me an appraising look, not bothering to hide her intentions. "I'd love to see more of you, maybe over dinner?"

"I…I uh…" I stammer, nowhere near as confident as she is. She smirks at me as I fumble over my words. She's not the type of girl who's used to hearing 'no' so she's certain I'm going to take her up on her offer.  
"Gia!" Katie snaps from the other side of the warehouse where the rest of the models have all gathered around her like sheep. "Do you want paid today?" She rolls her eyes before reassuring Katie she'll be right over.  
"Think about it." She winks before making her way over to the others. Katie glares at me like I'm a nuisance before she goes back to shouting orders at everyone.

Spending the afternoon surrounded by beautiful models turns out be nowhere near as fun as I imagined it would be. Katie's lost in her work and I spend most of the time sitting on the uncomfortable wooden crate playing with my phone. My legs have gone numb by the time Katie speaks to me again. Even then it's just to ask me to get her a coffee. Usually I'd object to being her skivvy, but she looks absolutely run down and I can't say no to her. Apparently the shoot is running over and everything's going to hell. I make my way back to the café we had lunch in and get her a coffee with a double shot of espresso. I pick her up a pastry too and actually get a thank you from her when I return to the warehouse, but once again she becomes absorbed in her work and I'm left to my own devices. She's surprisingly passionate about what she does and something of a control freak; which is why the shoot is taking so long.

Eventually I get bored and decide to explore the warehouse. There are bits of scrap metal and broken down machinery all over the place and I feel like I'm five years old again as I climb up some scaffolding that's supporting one of the upstairs walls. The window is broken and the breeze that blows through is refreshing after the stifling heat of so many lights downstairs. I lose track of the time as I sit staring out at the docklands and the river below. It's nice up here, quiet. I can think about all of the shit that's gone on since I came home. I still can't work Katie out. I really don't get what game she's playing.

A flash and a click snap me out of my thoughts and when I look down I see Katie pointing her camera at me. I frown as she takes another few snaps and then hangs the camera around her neck before climbing up the scaffolding to take a seat beside me by the window. She looks exhausted as she covers a yawn with her hand. We sit in a strangely comfortable silence as she looks through the pictures on her camera. "Best picture I've taken all day." She wears an absent smile as she looks at the picture she took when I was staring out of the window.

I hate my picture being taken at the best of times, but as I look over Katie's shoulder I can't help but be impressed. The picture is in black and white and the light from the window shines on my pensive face. I look lost in a world of my own, my confusion playing out across my face; it's haunting, like she's caught my very soul on camera. She's really good at this. "Gia wanted me to give you this." She pulls out a business card from her jacket. It's one of her own but it has Gia's number scrawled on it with a smiley face. I take it aware of the way Katie's watching me as I pocket it.  
"She asked me out." I try to sound nonchalant about it, watching for her reaction out of the corner of my eye.  
"She asks everyone out." Katie shrugs like it's no big deal, but I can hear the strain in her voice as she carries on flicking through her photographs. "Even had a pop at Effy once."  
"Effy shags anyone." I shoot back teasingly, but Katie doesn't bite. She keeps her eyes on the screen of her camera and carries on deleting shots she doesn't like.

"Maybe I'll give her a call…"  
"Maybe you should." Katie snaps at me petulantly as she finally gives up and looks me in the eye.  
"Jealous?" I can't help the smile that tugs at the corners of my lips as she glares at me. She's jealous. Katie Fitch is jealous that someone else is paying attention to me.  
"Fuck you Naomi!" She growls as she turns to climb down the scaffolding. I catch her wrist and keep her in place as I stare her down.  
"Wouldn't be the first time." She slaps me across the face and I really should have been expecting it.  
"It'll be the last."

"Katie-" I call after her as she climbs down the scaffolding and I scramble down after her. "For fucks sake! Katie!" I'm not used to being the one that does the chasing. I'm not used to being ignored.  
"What?" She turns around and shouts at me. "Go ask Gia out, fuck _her_ for all I care!"  
"Yeah, cause you obviously don't care in the slightest!" I shout back and we both know where this is going, neither of us is very good at controlling our tempers and the tension between us is blowing up. One of us is going to snap and I've got a feeling it's going to be me.

I'm tired of this crap. Of her deciding when we talk and when we fuck. If it was just once, or even twice, then it wouldn't be a big deal; but it keeps happening and I can't go on like this, not knowing what's going on between us. My head's all over the place without Katie being a bitch about Gia. It's not like we're dating, so what has it got to do with her who I go out with? I expect her to try and outdo me, to scream louder, to kick off with me…but she doesn't. She just seems to deflate in front of me and it's more disturbing than anything else. I'd rather she start slapping me again. Katie Fitch backing down, giving up, it's just not right. I feel like pigs should be flying and the sky outside should be falling down, because Katie Fitch is backing down.  
"Can we just not?" She sighs at me with those big wide eyes. She looks utterly exhausted. "I don't want to talk. I don't want to fight…I just…I don't know what I want, ok?" I bite back my sarcastic 'clearly' and just nod at her.  
"Maybe we should just keep away from each other?"  
"Maybe." Katie replies in an uncharacteristically quiet tone of voice.

We stand there in an uncomfortable silence in the empty warehouse as Katie bites at her lip. "I'll give you a ride home. My flight's Friday morning, so why don't you come over tonight and tell Effy you want to stay? I'm babysitting Albert tonight, so you know…"  
"Ok. I'll call round later…to see Eff."

When I get to Effy's later that I've timed it well and Katie has already left to go babysit Albert. We order a pizza and sit in front of the telly talking crap for most of the night. It's nice. Easy. With Effy I don't need to think about what I say, and she's not one of these people who has to constantly fill the silence; which when you've got a million things to think about is quite helpful. I leave it a few hours before I bring up the subject of me staying over and then spin her the partial lie about needing some space from Gina and Kieran. She shrugs as she sips her beer. "Stay as long as you want…If it's ok with Katie."  
"Ok, I'll ask her." I push my acting skills to the limit as I try to pretend Katie doesn't know anything about it.

"Oh? And here I thought she was the one who suggested it to you." Effy's lips form a smirk around the neck of her beer bottle. "So when's she going away? Tomorrow?"  
"Friday." I really can't bullshit Effy so I go with the truth, hoping she'll still let me stay over or I'm going to have Katie shouting at me for something else next. "She just thinks you need some company-"  
"More like a babysitter." Effy snaps, though there's no real hostility in her voice. "Fine, if it keeps Katie happy." She gives in with a sigh and I realise I'm not the only one Katie has a hold over.  
"She's really different Ef…I don't get it." I bite my lip as the words fly out of my mouth. The last thing I want is for Effy Stonem to put two and two together and realise I have a thing for Katie.

From the way she looks at me I'm guessing she already has. Her eyes scrutinize me for a good minute before she finally answers again. "After Freddie…after we found out he was…I tried to kill myself again; did a much better job of it too. It was almost too late when Katie found me. The Doctors said she saved my life, ripped her shirt to make tourniquets, kept my arms up over my heart to slow the bleeding. When I was in the hospital she came to see me every day for the whole year I was there. She kept me going…" Effy wipes at the tears in her eyes and clears her throat before continuing. "The point is, she grew up pretty fast that summer. Emily left, her parents got divorced…she's not the fucked up kid she was in college. None of us are who we used to be back then Naomi. Since we're having sharing time, can I ask you something?"

I nod, not trusting my voice after what I've just heard. As Effy lifts her bottle to her lips I really see the pale jagged scar on her wrist for the first time. "How many times have you and Katie fucked?" I was expecting the question, but it still throws me. I shrug at her; in all honesty I've lost count in the last few days. Her gaze scrutinizes me all the more and her voice is low, almost a threat, as she says, "Once was scratching the itch Naomi. Anything more than that is just asking for trouble. She's Emily's twin-"  
"Really? I thought there was a bit of a resemblance." I snap back at her, using sarcasm as my natural defence. I take a large swig of beer and try to ignore the pressure building up in my chest. Effy's right. I know she is. This is wrong on so many levels; but I just can't stop. It's more than just sex. It's Katie.

I don't know when it happened, or how, but it's like she's become an addiction. Effy's going to tell me to stop, I know she is, but I can't. I know we're messing with so many people's lives, but I just can't stop answering every time Katie calls. "You know Emily's coming back right?" I nod, my eyes on the bottle in my hands as I pull at the label. "Just…Just don't hurt Katie, ok? I don't know what I'd do without her…well, actually I do, and it's not pretty."  
"Hurt her?" I frown at Effy. I think she's losing her touch; she's the one who's supposed to know everything right? "It's just a fuck to Katie. It doesn't mean anything."

Effy shakes her head at me and looks at me with a sad yet all knowing smile and I feel my anger rising again. I'm sick of being two steps behind when it comes to her, and to Katie and everything else in my life. "You were never that good at seeing what was right in front of you, were you Campbell?"


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Apologies for how long it's taken me to update. I've had a lot on at work, some older fics to finish off and barely any time to write. I could have posted earlier but this chapter would have been half as long. **

"You're still here then?" Katie's greeting is less than friendly as she dumps her purse on the kitchen table and goes straight to the fridge for a beer. I roll my eyes at her from where I'm perched on the sofa, watching some rubbish horror movie where every 'teenager' in it looks closer to thirty-five.  
"No, I went home hours ago."  
"You should have." She snaps at me as she slams the fridge door shut. Ok, so that was a bit harsh.  
"Fine, I'll go. I just thought you'd appreciate me keeping Eff company tonight."

I stand up, but instead of making my way to the front door I head over to the kitchen. I fold my arms across my chest lean against the fridge, my head resting on the cool metal. "What's wrong?"  
"Nothing-"  
"Katie." I reach out to stop her from walking away from me, somehow my hands slips and instead of taking hold of her wrist I end up holding her hand. We stand in an awkward silence as we both stare at our joined hands, my thumb brushes casually against the inside of her palm. Katie pulls away first.  
"Leave it Naomi. I'm tired, yeah?" She picks up her beer bottle again and slips past me to take a seat on the sofa.  
"Yeah, me too." I open the fridge and help myself to a beer before taking a seat beside her. "So, I asked Effy about staying over here. She's fine with it. She knows you're going away though."

"Figures." Katie sighs as she spreads out on the sofa and throws her legs over my lap. She looks exhausted and preoccupied. "Fuck are you watching?" She frowns at the television as yet another bimbo blonde meets her grisly death. She picks up the remote and begins channel flicking, a habit I detest. Why can't people just pick a fucking channel and watch it?  
"I was watching that!" I'm not particularly fussed about watching the stupid movie, but it's the principle that matters.  
"My house, my clicker." She shakes the remote in front of my face to wind me up. I reach out to snatch it from her and she pulls it away, high above her head, laughing as I fail to get it from her. The laughter lights up her face as she teases me. I don't give up though and end up climbing on to her lap as I try to snatch the remote from her hand.

Before my fingers can reach the remote our lips find each other instead and all thoughts of television slip from my mind. Katie's lips are insistent and urgent as they battle against my own. She pushes back against me and at first I think she's pushing me away, but then I'm lying on my back on the couch with Katie straddling my hips. I've given up trying to be in control with her so I lie back and let her take the lead. It seems to be the only way we get anywhere anyway.

We lie there for longer than I expect, just kissing. For all the urgency to her actions Katie doesn't try and take things any further; so I don't push it either. The longer we kiss the more relaxed Katie becomes, her lips are no longer fighting against mine, our kisses become slow and soft; almost intimate. Eventually we end up just lying on the couch, with Katie's head resting on my chest. Neither of us says a word. My arms wrap around the girl lying on top of me while my eyes settle on the television screen. Katie's more tired than I realise as before long her eyes are closed and she's softly snoring in to the crook of my neck. I hadn't intended on staying the night, but I feel my own eyes begin to grow heavy as the TV screen blurs in front of me. My eyes close of their own accord for a moment before I struggle to open them again.

I try to wriggle out from under Katie, but she groans in her sleep and drapes her arm over my chest, pinning me down even more. There's no way I'll get out from under her without waking her up and she looks so peaceful that I don't have the heart to wake her. She looked utterly exhausted when she walked in the door and I know she's got a lot on at the moment, with planning her big shoot in Milan and looking after Effy. I close my eyes again, but just for a moment; I'll wait till Katie's in a deeper sleep then try to move again.

My plan to rest my eyes doesn't quite work out as I wake up hours later; alone. My limbs feel stiff from being curled up on the sofa, but at least there's a heavy blanket over me to stave off the cold. It's the little things like this that remind me Katie isn't the bitch she was in college; or not quite anyway. The Katie Fitch I knew back then would have left a window open or something to deliberately make me uncomfortable, not drape a blanket over me and tuck a pillow under my head. I roll on to my back and stare up at the ceiling, contemplating whether or not to take a chance on making my way in to Katie's room; in to her bed.

I've got a feeling she'd probably kick me out though. Tonight was different to what we've been doing; we've been at it like rabbits all week and yet tonight instead of the usual escalation of going from kissing to tearing each other's clothes of we just kissed. No. It was more than that. We lay cuddled on the sofa, kissing until Katie fell asleep. It's not something I ever imagined myself doing with Katie, even after we slept together. I never thought of this as something so intimate. It was just sex, scratching an itch as Effy would say, but now it seems to be growing in to something more. Something serious.

I'd be lying if I said the thought of something actually going on between me and Katie didn't terrify me, of course it does! If this turns in to more than some twisted friends with benefits booty call then I'm screwed. Straight laced Katie Fitch would never date a girl, and even if she would she'd never date her sister's ex, the girl her mother hates with a passion. What if I do fall for her and she brushes me off? What if she wants me back? What if tonight was a sign that this is more than just sex to her too? How could either of us look Emily in the eye again? Eventually I fall back in to a fitful sleep with these thoughts still floating around in my brain, refusing to leave me be.

When I wake up again Katie's creeping around the living room in the dark. It's just starting to get light outside but the thick curtains at the windows block most of it out. I ruffle the hair that's plastered to my face from lying curled up on my side all night. "What time is it?" I croak as she's bent over a suitcase on the floor.  
"Early, go back to sleep."  
"What time's your flight?" I ignore her and sit up.  
"Ten. I'm leaving from Heathrow though so I've got to get to London before the traffic starts." I check my watch and realise it's barely five in the morning. "I've left the number of the hotel on the fridge, there's some emergency cash in a jar in the cupboard if Effy needs it-"

I can't help but laugh at her. "How old are you?" She scowls at me but a small smile sneaks through as she rolls her eyes. "Just look after her Campbell or I'll kick your arse."  
"Bring it Fitch." I smirk back at her as she finishes zipping up her suitcase. Her passport is lying on the coffee table in front of the sofa and when she comes over to pick it up she bends down to kiss me.  
"Why don't you climb in to my bed and get some more sleep?"  
"Why don't you come with me?" It's a stupid thing to say, but I'm still half asleep and the single kiss is enough to get me going. She actually giggles as I steal another kiss from her; maybe I'm not the only one who's half asleep.  
"I'll be back Monday night."  
"Have fun."

When the taxi shows up to take her to the airport I take her advice and drag myself off the sofa and in to her bed. I manage to get a few more hours of sleep before Effy makes an appearance and prods me awake, mercifully she's carrying two steaming cups of coffee, one of which is for me. "Katie get off then?" I almost choke on my coffee as she picks her time to ask her question. "To the airport I mean." From the way she smirks at me I know exactly what she meant.  
"I'll have you know I spent the night on the sofa-"  
"Katie playing hard to get? That's a first."  
"Fuck off Eff!" I snap a little too harshly at her. I know she's joking and that she and Katie are close now, but what she  
said still annoys me.  
"We just kissed." I huff, sulking in to my coffee. "Don't." I add as she gives me that piercing look like she's seeing right through me.

To her credit she manages to keep her comments to herself for a whole two minutes before her lips part. Her words are ominous and her expression is troubled. "Just be careful, yeah? You're playing with fire."  
"Like I don't know that." I snap and roll my eyes at her. I don't need to be told anything. I know I'm skirting in dangerous territory at the moment, but I can't help it. Just the memory of her soft lips, her body pressed firmly down on mine as her hands cupped the back of my neck, ran down my back and tangled in my hair, it's enough to drive me to distraction and she's not even here. God help me I'm becoming addicted to Katie Fitch. I'm totally screwed. I don't need anyone else to tell me that.

Effy looks at me with something akin to pity in her eyes and it just rubs me up the wrong way. "I'm going in the shower." If I hadn't promised to keep eyes on her this weekend I'd be walking out the front door instead of making my way to the bathroom. I wait until the water is scalding hot before pulling off my clothes and stepping under the spray. I stand with my hands braced against the tiles, the only thing keeping me upright as my legs begin to buckle. A strangled sob tries to escape from my lips but it's choked by the water pouring over my face. I can't do this. Not again. I can't fall for a Fitch; For Emily's twin. It's taken me so long to pull myself back together; I can't risk slipping back in to that madness all over again.

A sharp knock at the door rouses me from my stupor and as I finally shut the water off I realise just how long I've been standing under the water as I catch sight of my prune like hands. "Unless you've slipped down the drain I suggest you hurry the fuck up in there. We're going out!" Effy shouts at me from the other side of the door as I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around myself. It's quite a small towel and since it barely covers my thighs I think it's a good guess that it belongs to Katie, I can't imagine it covering much of Effy.  
"Where are we going?" I grumble at her as I tease my fingers through my soaking wet hair, trying to untangle it. I make my way in to Katie's room, well mine for the weekend I suppose, and Effy follows me in. She flops down on to Katie's bed and makes no attempt to avert her gaze as I slip the towel down to get dressed.  
"Anywhere that will put a fucking smile on your face." She teases, though she's only half joking. I can see the concern in her eyes, not quite hidden by the smirk on her lips. She thinks I'm going to crack up, just lose it; maybe I am. If I was, Effy would probably be the first to know.

"London." I close my eyes as I think of my easy life back in my new home. My pokey little flat that has nothing from Bristol in it, no photos or keepsakes from the dark days of my life I'd rather forget. I want to go home, back to my new friends and my new life; but that's not going to happen. Not today anyway. Today it's my job to look after Effy, so I open my eyes with a sigh and wait for her to tell me what we're doing. She doesn't though, she looks at me expectantly and I realise she wasn't kidding. It's up to me what we do today. The only problem is I have no idea what will put a smile on my face right now. There's nowhere in this wretched city that I want to go to. After a few moments Effy's patience wears out and she rolls her eyes at me.  
"Bottle of vodka down the canal?"

At first I think it's a stupid idea to be drinking when it's barely gone midday, like were seventeen again and sneaking drink where we can get it, but as we lounge on a bench in front of the water, the sun searing overhead, I think this is just what I needed; to sit carefree in the sun and drink my troubles away. "Me and Freddie used to come here a lot." _Or not._I try to prepare myself to be a good friend, to push all of my own crap down deep to help Effy; but it's harder than I expect. I know it makes me a really shit friend but I'm falling apart myself right now, I can't help keep Effy together too. "It's where me and Katie made our truce." It seems Effy's not as fragile as we all think as she smiles sadly out at the water, her eyes on the wooden platform moored in the middle of the water. "I wouldn't be here now without her." She idly traces her thumb over the scar on one of her wrists.

"I never thought I'd see the day the two of you were bosom buddies." I admit to her with a bemused expression. "You did bash her head in with a rock-"  
"She tried to strangle me." She shoots back defensively. Neither of us can hold the other's gaze and we burst in to a fit of laughter. Our group of misfits is so fucked up it's unreal.  
"I'd have hit her with a rock back then too." I muse as our laughter dies down and we pass the bottle of cheap vodka between us. "She was a selfish bitch back then-"  
"And now?" Effy quizzes, her gaze intense as she loses her smile, like my answer could mean the difference between life and death. I shrug my shoulders at her in response, pondering my answer.

"And she's still a bitch." I answer truthfully. "She's still brash and loud, and fucking annoying…but something's different. She's different. I see the way she is with you and…" I wring my hands together, unsure of my words. Unsure how to translate the mess that is currently my mind when it comes to Katie Fitch. These last couple of weeks have been a whirl wind and my head is all over the place. I thought maybe it was all to do with Emily; Now I think knowing that it doesn't have anything to do with her makes it even harder to bear. "I don't know how I feel about her now."  
"We fucked more than once." My jaw sets and my teeth grind at her words as I feel a flare of anger and a stab of jealousy. Effy smirks at me as she snatches the bottle back from my shaking hands. "I think you have your answer."

We spend the rest of the afternoon and most of the evening sitting by the canal, talking crap and drinking the foul vodka. When we get back to the apartment Effy follows me in to Katie's bedroom and starts to strip off. My eyes widen and she shakes her head at me. "In your dreams, Campbell." She smirks as she pulls a man's T-shirt out of one of Katie's drawers and it's clear from the way it hangs on her that it's hers. It would seem she shares a bed with Katie more often than I thought.  
"How many times?" I ask her, not sure I even want to know the answer. She doesn't have to ask me what I'm talking about. She knows I've had one thing on my mind all afternoon.  
"Twice." She answers honestly, almost dismissively. "It was just sex…Can I get in to bed now?"  
"As long as you can keep your hands to yourself." I snap at her, but there's no vehemence in my tone. Effy smirks at me as she pulls the covers back and climbs in to bed, on the opposite side to where Katie normally sleeps.  
"I'll try my best."

I climb in to bed beside her and true to her word she keeps her hands to herself. As we lie in the darkness, far from sober, she mumbles in to my back that she sleeps in Katie's bed a lot; when the nightmares get too much for her. I suddenly feel guilty about the time I've spent in Katie's bed, keeping her from Effy. The next night, when Effy follows me to bed again I don't question it. It's nice, to share a bed with someone.

On the third night, Sunday, when the bedroom door opens in the middle of the night, waking me from my fitful sleep, I expect Effy to climb in beside me. She didn't come to bed with me tonight, instead she silently slipped in to her own room, offering no reason as to why. When it clicks shut I lie still and silent, waiting for her to slide in to bed beside me. I hear the soft thud of suitcases being placed on the floor and realise it's not Effy who's slipped in to the room, but Katie. I feel my pulse race as I quietly wait in the dark. She's back early, it's still the early hours of Monday morning and the flight wasn't due to land until later tonight. Is that why Effy didn't come to bed with me tonight?

I hear the buckle of her belt click as she undoes it and slides her jeans down to the floor. It takes a few minutes for her to get changed for bed, but when she climbs in beside me I feel a flood of relief wash over me. She's spoken to Effy over the weekend, which is why I think Effy knows she was coming home early, but I've not had a phone call or a text from her, not even a lousy post on _Facebook. _Despite how frosty she's been this weekend her arms wrap around me straight away as she presses herself up against my back and buries her face in the crook of my neck as though we're regular lovers. "Took an earlier flight." She knows I'm awake as she mumbles her words, her lips brushing against the sensitive skin of my neck. She makes no attempt to actually kiss me, or to move her hands any lower than my stomach, but somehow lying here like this with her is far more intimate than any of the times we've had sex. I feel my eyes welling up with tears and force a sound of acknowledgement to push its way out of my throat. I feel choked with emotions that I can't even begin to put in to words, the last thing I want is for Katie to realise this, so I put my hands over hers and bury my face in the pillow. It doesn't take long for me to drift off. It's the best sleep I've had in days. Effy was right. Katie keeps the nightmares away.

In the morning when I wake up we've changed positions and I'm lying on my back with Katie tucked in to my side, her head resting on my chest. She looks peaceful when she sleeps, without the makeup and the attitude she looks younger and her skin has a healthy glow to it from the Italian sun. I press my lips to her forehead as she begins to stir. She sighs as she turns her head and catches my lips before I can pull them away. Maybe she wasn't as soundly asleep as I thought. My arms wrap around her as my left hand slips under her bed shirt and my fingers begin lazily tracing patterns on her skin. Her head drops back to my chest and I'm reminded of how little I'm wearing as her own hand finds its way to my stomach, and then slides lower, dipping under the waistband of my underwear.  
"Do you intend on doing anything with that hand?" I tease as she doesn't make any further moves and starts to fall back to sleep. I feel her lips against my skin as they curl in to a smile. The rest of her remains stubbornly still and I have to take matters in to my own hands; so to speak.

My fingers wrap around her hand and try to move it away, I'm rewarded with her nails dragging along my stomach, yet when I let her hand go it disappointingly goes still again. "Katie." I whine in her ear as my lips press against it. It's been days since we've slept together and after a weekend alone I'm more than eager for her to wake up. However, it seems Katie is content to play the part of pillow princess today so I'm left with no choice but to slip out from underneath her arms and  
crawl down the bed. She suddenly seems a lot more awake as she rolls on to her back and her legs part. "Bitch." I mutter with a smile as my lips trail a path up her thigh.

"Tired." She mumbles, though she doesn't make any attempt to stop me as I slide her shorts down her legs. She lets out a low satisfied moan as my lips find her core. There's nothing rushed or aggressive about what we're doing as Katie opens her legs further for me and I slowly tease her centre with my tongue. It doesn't take long for her to climax, her eyes rolling to the back of her head. When I climb up beside her, an unbearable ache between my own legs, she's practically asleep.  
"Katie." I whine again, kissing her neck and trailing a path along her jaw and up to her lips. She giggles in to my mouth as her knee presses between my legs, making me hiss out.

"Tired." She repeats again, though she seems more awake as her hand slips down between our bodies and replaces her knee. She's in no hurry though and I'm proven wrong about her being more awake when her eyes close and she drifts off back to sleep; her hand still trapped possessively between my legs.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Thanks again to everyone who's reading and reviewing, and hopefully this quicker update makes up for me not writing that much over the last month! This fic is my priority at the moment, as I can't seem to get enough of this pairing, but I'm pretty busy juggling work and attempting to have a social life so I can't promise the next update will be so quick.

"I'm thinking of going back to London tomorrow…just for a few days." I hastily add as my mother opens her mouth to object. "It's one of my flat mates' birthday. I said I'd go before I realised I was coming back home." It's not exactly a lie, it is my friend's birthday, but I knew about the party long before I told mum I'd come home for the summer. It was always going to be my excuse to go back early; but now I'm torn about staying or coming back for the last four weeks of the summer. Two weeks ago Bristol had nothing to offer me but ghosts. Now I have more than enough to hold my attention. Yeah, there's Katie and whatever's going on there, but there's Effy too. The weekend I spent with her made me realise how much I've missed that girl, and even Cook and JJ too. Then there's Lara and little Albert, who despite how much I hate kids, is actually surprisingly cute.

"Oh, well how about we have a nice tea tonight? Just you and me? Kieran's at the match and-"  
"Sorry, I said I'd babysit Albert tonight."  
"With Katie?" Gina slips her question in there like it's harmless, but I can see the probing look in her eye. "You too are getting quiet close…"  
"Mum." I roll my eyes at her. That's not a question I even want to address with Effy, never mind my mum.

She liked Emily. She really did. Loved her like a daughter. When she found out about all the crap with Sophia, about what I'd put Emily through, she flipped out. When I left for London we hadn't spoken in weeks, and it was only when I didn't come back to Bristol for Christmas that she finally made the first move to speak to me. It was awkward and strained at first, and I feel the same tension creeping over us in the kitchen as she asks about Katie.  
"She's not Emily, love-"  
"Maybe that's a good thing!" I snap at her before storming out of the kitchen. I've had enough of being told that Katie isn't Emily. It's not like I'm still so desperately in love with Emily that I have to go for the closest substitute. I know Katie's not like Emily; she doesn't moon over me and put me on a pedestal that I can't do anything but fall from. There are no expectations between us.

That's why when I turn up at her door four hours earlier than I'm supposed to she doesn't bat an eyelid as she steps aside to let me in. I don't mention what's happened with mum, but she knows I'm pissed off so for once I'm given tea instead of scathing comments about the way I'm dressed. Effy's gone to see her brother for a couple of days so we have the place to ourselves. "So Lara's dropping Albert off at five. He'll be in bed by six though. Hello? Naomi?" She waves a hand in front of my face and I snap out of the daze I've been in.  
"Huh? What?"

She scowls at me and it looks like the line of people I'm going to piss off today is going to be a long one. "Sorry." I sigh at her. She shrugs it off without question and begins flicking through channels on the TV again. That's another difference between her and Emily. Every sigh, every frown, it was always turned in to some giant thing. With Katie I can sulk as much as I want, she doesn't care. No, actually, that's a bit harsh. It's not that she doesn't care, after all I can see the way she watches me out of the corner of her eye as I stare glumly at the screen, it's that she doesn't feel the need to push it. To understand everything that's going through my head. Which is good, because even I don't understand what's going on in my head right now.

She continues to ignore me and changes the channel every five seconds, watching one show for a few moments before flicking to something else. The noise of screaming soap stars and crooning pop stars quickly grinds on my last nerve and I end up snatching the remote from her hand. "Can you just watch one fucking things please?" I snap at her and wait for the fallout. I frown as her expression remains neutral and she calmly takes the remote out of my hand and sets it down on the arm of the chair. When she gets to her feet she takes my hand, dragging me up with her.  
"Come on."  
"Where are we going?" I feel like some helpless animal trapped by a dangerous lioness. She should be kicking off at me, calling me a bitch and snatching the remote back as she reminds me whose house we're in. Instead she's leading me to her room, a smile playing on her lips as she answers me.  
"Well you've obviously got your knickers in a twist babe, and I'm not putting up with you sulking all fucking night, so let's sort it out, yeah?" I really can't argue with that, can I?

It turns out afternoon sex is an excellent stress relief and when we finally drag ourselves out of bed and back on to the sofa I'm so chilled out that I don't even care when Katie starts channel hopping again. I lie spread out on the sofa with Katie lying beside me. Her chocolate brown hair hangs loose around her shoulders and tickles my face. I lean forward and press my lips to her neck, she leans back in to my touch and I really can't help the words that escape my lips. "Let's go out…"

"Albert's coming soon." She turns over to face me, her lips brushing against mine as we're lying so close on the sofa. I indulge in another kiss before replying.  
"Not tonight. Just…let's go out, me and you-"  
"Like a date?" I feel her tense and then begin to pull away. I take hold of one of her wrists as my other hand rests on her hip, stopping her treat. She bites at her lip and looks anywhere but at my eyes. "Naomi I…there's Lara." There's a knock at the door, but I ignore it and keep hold of her. "Naomi, Lara's at the door-"  
"And I'm waiting for an answer." I place a soft, almost teasing kiss on her lips as an incentive to respond. Her eyes flutter shut and there's an unmistakable moan building at the back of her throat.  
"Fine. Whatever." She tries to sound casual about it as I finally let her get up to answer the door, but I see the conflict on her face, and know it's mirrored on my own. I've just asked Katie Fitch out on a date.

When Katie makes her way back in to the living room she has Albert on her shoulders and the unease on her face has been replaced by genuine happiness as she prances around with him. JJ follows behind them, a wary expression on his face as though Katie might drop the little boy at any time. Lara follows them in and dumps a massive overnight bag on the sofa beside me before offering a hello. She doesn't seem surprised to see me, but then again I've spent most of my time back home in this apartment, either with Katie or Effy. "Off anywhere nice?" I quiz, sure that Katie's already mentioned where they're going but trying to make small talk all the same. She's all dressed up for a night out and even JJ looks presentable.  
"Work night out. It'll be boring as hell, but JJ and I take every chance we get to go out together…especially with such a good babysitter on call." She smiles fondly at Katie as we watch her help Albert down from her shoulders and he toddles over to us. His smile widens as he catches sight of me.  
"Gnomeeee!" She squeals as he throws his arms around my neck. I'm not the biggest fan of small children but I've got a soft spot for the little guy so I hug him back. He quickly loses interest in me though when Katie offers to make him some cereal for his supper.

As Katie sees to Albert I see Lara and JJ to the door. Lara reassures me he won't be up for much longer, having almost fallen asleep in the car on the way over. Despite this Albert is still wide awake and running laps around the pair of us three hours later. When Katie finally has the brainwave of putting him in the bath it tires him right out and before long the three of us are curled up on sofa watching cartoons. Albert lies on Katie's chest, softly snoring away. I scoop the little guy up in my arms and hold him as Katie puts the travel cot up in Effy's room. She takes him from me and gently sets him down in the cot, making sure to wrap him up well before placing a kiss to his forehead. It's clear just how much she adores him and I can't help but feel a pang of sympathy for her. She will never have this for herself. She will never have her own child to tuck in at night. As she watches him sleep I step up behind her and wrap my arms around her, my hands coming to rest on her stomach. She leans back in to me and turns her head to catch my lips. She sighs against them. "How about an early night?"

We're both exhausted from running around after Albert all night so when we fall in to bed the only thing on my mind is genuinely getting some sleep. Katie obviously feels the same way as she curls up beside me but makes no attempt to start anything, content in just pulling the duvet up to her head. We lie in silence for a while until she asks a question out of the blue. "So, where are you taking me for this date then?"  
"You're the famous photographer raking it in, you should be taking me out!" I scoff at her, though I must admit that very question has been praying on my mind all night. It was a spur of the moment thing, asking Katie on a date, and in all honesty I didn't expect her to say yes, so now I'm at a bit of a loss.  
"Please, you're obviously the butch one; it's your job to pay."

I roll my eyes at her and begin giving her a lecture on how outdated and homophobic her notion of lesbian dating is but she cuts me off with a kiss and a hake of her head. "I was kidding you daft cow…but you're still paying. And I'm _not _easy to impress-"  
"Just easy then?"  
"Oi!"

We end up wrestling around on the bed as Katie attempts to slap me and I defend myself with a heart shaped cushion. It ends with a lot of giggling and Katie on top of me, which I've come to learn is rarely a bad thing. For all she knows I was just teasing she still pouts as she glares down at me. "I'm not like that. Not anymore." And it's the truth. I expected to see her with a different guy after every photo shoot or night out, but in the two weeks I've been back she's never even mentioned any guys.  
"I know." My thumb traces over her lip as I stare back at her, transfixed by just how beautiful she is with her pouting lower lip and big brown eyes. She is different, I know she is, but there are times when she seems just like the old Katie and for some reason that's more reassuring than anything else. "You haven't been with anyone else…since we…I mean…" I fumble over my words as she nips at my thumb, taking it between her lips. It's really hard to concentrate on anything but the soft supple body pinning me down.  
"No." With that one husky admission sleep is suddenly the last thing on either of our minds.

Albert wakes up through the night, crying for his mum. Lara's at home and Katie's flat out so the poor little guy has to make do with me instead. I cuddle him in to me and lie down on Effy's bed, waiting for him to fall back to sleep. Apparently he wins this battle of wills because when my eyes open a few hours later I'm still lying on Effy's bed; alone. _Shit!_

He's almost three and big enough to open the bedroom door and go wandering. I race out of the room and check the most dangerous places first, bathroom, kitchen; the last room I check probably should have been the first. I find him curled up in bed with Katie's arms wrapped protectively around him. I climb in beside her and instinctively wrap my own arms around her waist. She turns her head and blindly kisses me, catching my cheek, and acknowledging I'm there. My heart's still racing from thinking Albert had gone missing and I can't make myself fall back to sleep. When Albert wakes up again an hour later I take him in to the living room with me to let Katie sleep. He's quite happy playing with some of his toys and watching early morning cartoons. "Look Gnome!" He holds up one of his cars for my inspection and I pretend to make a big fuss about it, which just makes him show me the other three too. He's a sweet kid and easily entertained, which is good considering I'm in no way a morning person.

I make him some juice and some cereal and get myself a cup of coffee while I'm at it. I'm in the kitchen when the phone starts ringing and it's not my house anyway so I just let the answering machine pick it up. I freeze as I hear a man's voice. "Katie, it's Sean. Just checking we're all set for Friday? Give me a call back babe-"  
"Hey gorgeous, I'm here." Katie picks up the phone, the noise having woken her up and she carries on the conversation in the living room. "Of course, everything's sorted. Pick me up at six yeah? Ok, see you then, bye sexy." She's smirking as I walk over to the sofa with Albert hanging on my hip and my coffee in my free hand. I scowl as she swipes my cup out of my hand and helps herself to it.  
"Get your own."  
"It is mine." She teases and though there's nothing malicious about it the small action rubs me the wrong way.  
"Whatever." I put Albert down on the sofa with his cars. "I'm going to get ready and go. I'm catching the train home this afternoon-"  
"You're going back to London?" She snaps, and then seems to regret sounding so bothered about it. "You coming back or staying for the rest of the summer?" She tries to sound nonchalant as she sips at my coffee.

"I dunno." I shrug at her. I had only planned on going back to London for a few days, but now I'm not so sure. I'm annoyed at her for lying to me. She said there hadn't been anyone else, and yeah it's not like we're exclusive, or even dating for that matter, but it pisses me off that she's planning to meet this Sean guy. "Might do. Don't worry, I'm sure Sean will keep you company."  
"What?" Katie frowns and then realisation dawns on her. She laughs at me. Actually laughs in my face.  
"What's so funny?" I snap at her, her laughter infuriating me even more. She puts her hands over Albert's ears and the little boy giggles along with her.  
"You're fucking jealous, aren't you?"  
"Fuck you Katie." I growl and try to shove past her. She catches my arm and kisses me. I don't want to let her, but the second her lips are on mine all of my anger melts away.  
"Sean's camp as Christmas. It's a work thing Friday." She shakes her head and softly chuckles at me. "Daft cow."  
"I'm still going home." I grumble, sulking over making a fool of myself.  
"Yeah, but you're coming back though." It isn't a question. "You owe me a date Campbell. Saturday."

So it looks like I don't have any choice about coming back to Bristol. I leave her with Albert and head home to get packed for going back to London. I didn't bring much up with me so it doesn't take long. Kieran offers to take me to the train station, but he's still driving the piece of crap he had when I was back in college so I politely decline the offer and take a taxi. The journey back to London doesn't take too long, but I get a few texts off Katie on the way down, including a picture message of Albert wearing his plastic cereal bowl on his head with a wide grin on his face.

I get back to my flat at around lunch time and I'm grateful my two flat mates are out. I need some time to myself anyway. I lie in bed and text Katie for a bit until I fall asleep. I'm woken up a few hours later by my flatmate Fiona squealing at the top of her voice and jumping on me. "You came!" There's a large badge pinned to her dress declaring her to be twenty-two. She's a couple of years older than me but we've been mates since I first moved down here. I moved in at the start of last year when her last flatmate moved out. We share the place with Matt, a third year fashion student who is surprisingly straight. He jumps on my bed along with Fiona and I'm amazed the rickety old frame doesn't collapse.  
"Said I would, didn't I?"  
"You said you'd be back in a week." Matt corrects me.  
"Something came up." I shrug as I untangle myself from them and try to sit up. They know about my past in Bristol, or at least bits of it. They know about Emily, and by extension her twin. I can't admit what's been going on back at home so I avoid their questions and dig Matt in the ribs when he asks if I've been getting any action. I'm as far from Bristol as I can get at the moment and I plan on reverting to my usual plan, forgetting about all the crap that's going on back there.  
"Come on you two, I thought we were getting drunk?"

We start early and polish off a bottle of vodka before it's even dark outside. When we finally do hit the clubs Fiona gets lost among the gaggle of girls who turn up for her birthday night out, most of which she's slept with and I barely know. This leaves me with Matt, but the boy is a slut and within an hour I'm left on my own as he pulls one of the girls from Fiona's course. I'm bored out of my mind and more than a little drunk as I stumble out of the club and come to rest on a wall outside. I pull out my phone and my finger hovers over Katie's name on my contacts list. It's ridiculous, I'm in the capital city, young, free and single and all I can think about is Katie, tucked up on the sofa with a blanket, flicking through TV channels; and I'm jealous.

It hits me like a ton of bricks and my stomach starts doing flips. I miss her. I've only been home for a few hours and I'm already missing her. God, this is fucking ridiculous! I pull out a cigarette and shove my phone back in my pocket. I'm not doing this. I'm not going to sulk and pine for her the way I did for Emily when I first moved down here. I'm not that person anymore.

I make up my mind and decide to go home. When I get out of the taxi it's barely gone midnight and I'm still sober enough to know I've handed the driver a twenty and been short changed. I argue with him until he hands over the right amount and then climb out of his car and stumble up the garden path. I slip my key in the front door and try to be as quiet as possible but I needn't have bothered. My mum comes out of the living room holding a glass of wine and looking confused. "I thought you were in London?"  
"I was. Came home early." I shrug at her as I struggle with my suitcases. Eventually I give up and just leave them by the front door.

So I caved and came back to Bristol. At least I didn't go running straight to Katie's, as much as I wanted to, I'm sure that would have amused her to no end. I kiss my mum goodnight and drag myself upstairs to bed. I'll call Katie in the morning, when I'm sober and I can think of a better reason for travelling across the country in the middle of the night, other than simply missing her.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **I have loads of stuff I should be doing at the moment, including finding a new job and asking out the girl I've fancied for months…so obviously I'm procrastinating and throwing myself in to my writing instead! I'm hoping to keep up with this pace of updating but I can't make any promises.

"What are you doing back?" Effy frowns at me as she opens the bottom door of the flat just as I'm about to press the intercom. "I thought you were in London?"  
"Change of plans." I shrug, trying not to make a big deal out of it. "Katie in?" I stop in my tracks as Effy blocks my way.  
"No. She's not...let's take a walk." Something's wrong. She's got a chip on her shoulder the size of a boulder as we take a walk to the coffee shop down the street. "So….big date Saturday, huh?" There's none of her usual mystery or any cryptic comments, she gets straight to the point, which just makes the knot in my stomach tighten even more. I'm surprised by the hostility in her voice. She was the one who suggested I follow through on fancying Katie. I tell her this, since I've never been one to hold my opinions to myself.

"I said fuck her, not date her." Effy snaps, her voice cold. It's not out of hatred or anger, she's still my friend too; it's out of love. Katie's one of the few people she has left. They're both fiercely protective of one another, and right now in Effy's eyes I'm a threat. "I thought it would get it out of her system if you just had a shag…You're going to hurt her." I can't really argue with her can I? Not with my track record. I can try and defend myself, but it will fall on deaf ears. Nothing I say will make Effy change her mind.  
"I don't want to." I let out a heavy sigh as I snap off the leg of the gingerbread man I bought with my coffee. "I really don't."  
"Didn't want to hurt Emily either, did you?" We might be friends, and I know she's doing this out of concern for Katie, but it really is a step too far.  
"Did you mean to hurt Freddie, when you were fucking Cook?"

I'm a bitch. It was the last thing I should have said and I know it, but her remark cut pretty deep too. I expect her to slap me or to walk out. Instead she just nods her head. "Yeah. I did… Sometimes it's easier that way. To hurt the ones you really want to be with." We sit in an awkward silence for a few minutes while I ponder what she's said. I know there's some sort of double meaning to her words that I'm missing, there has to be; it's Effy after all. "You'll hurt her Naomi you know you will. It's what we do, isn't it? We let people in and we screw them over…"  
"Freddie wasn't your fault." I try to put my hand over hers and she snatches it away from me. She puts a twisted smile on her lips as she builds her walls back up.  
"No? Was it your therapist who beat him to death? I forget."

That's pretty much a conversation killer right there. We finish our coffees and then Effy makes an excuse to leave, insisting she needs to go to the library before a lecture. I don't think I've ever seen that girl in a library before. "Look, have your date with her on Saturday…but first you're coming out with me Friday. There's something you need to see, and if it doesn't send you running for the hills, then you have my blessing."  
"Bit weird, me and you?" I try to make light of the situation with a joke. It earns me a small smile of amusement from the other girl.  
"We could always get Katie involved?" She tips me a wink and I really hope she was joking.

So it looks like I have two dates this weekend. And I have to pass the first to earn the second; it's like some twisted bloody game show. At least talking to Effy has helped me put things in to perspective a little bit and I decide not to try and talk to Katie today. I need some time to get my head on straight and to think things though. So instead of trying to call her or see her I go home and spend the afternoon curled up on the sofa watching crap television. That is until someone starts banging on my front door. I take my time in getting up to answer it, the last time I had someone pounding on the door like that it was the police looking for Cook. When I open the door it's not the police, but judging from the look on Katie's face I should probably ring them.

She shoves me inside without waiting for an invite and starts screaming at me. "What the fuck did you say to Effy?"  
"Nothing! She was the one who had a go at me!" So it's only partly true but the last thing I need is for Katie to find out what was actually said. "About our date, thanks for telling her by the way-"  
"Well forget it, yeah? Me and you, not happening!"  
"Fine by me!"  
"Fine!"

She slams me against the wall, her lips finding mine before I can even take a breath. I'm winded to start with and she doesn't let up. Her hands pull at my clothes as her tongue forces its way past my lips. It's a good job mum's out as she thrusts her hands in to my jeans, ripping a moan from my lips. "Fuck." I gasp as her fingers bury themselves inside of me. One of my hands is buried in her hair while the other grips her elbow, I'm not sure whether I'm trying to stop her or encourage her. "Upstairs." I manage to gasp in between kisses. The last thing we need is for mum or Kieran to walk in on us fucking on the staircase. Katie nods in agreement but she doesn't make any attempt to move her hand as we make our way up the stairs. My knees buckle by the time we reach the top and I end up on my back with Katie straddling me. She unbuttons my jeans properly and slides them down my legs far enough so that I can stretch my legs just a little bit more. I gasp as she buries her fingers even deep inside of me and my nails dig in to her back as my hands grasp her shoulders.

I'm so distracted that I almost miss the sound of the front door opening. "Shit!" Luckily Katie hears it too and we both scramble to our feet and race towards my room. I curse as I almost trip over my jeans as they hang around my ankles. We get inside my room and slam the door behind us, sinking to the floor and resting against it, breathless and with red faces. Katie takes one look at me, as I squirm and try to pull my jeans up, and bursts out laughing. I try scowling at her, but the post-sex happy hormones are surging through my brain and it's hard to stay mad for long. I end up giggling along with her until my mum calls up, asking if I'm in. She buries her head in my lap as she tries to stifle her laughter. Her head being so close to my crotch is a little distracting though. My fingers run through her silky chocolate hair as she rests her head in my lap.

"Is Effy ok? I didn't mean to upset her."  
"She's ok. She was just a right moody cow when she came home." Katie sighs in response as she gets to her feet and makes her way over to my bed. She kicks her heels off on to the floor and shoots me an expectant look. "So where are you taking me Saturday then?" She quizzes, like the argument downstairs never happened. I shake my head at her as I get to my feet and make my way over to my bed.

I drop to my knees in front of her and press my lips to the flesh of her thigh just below her skirt. "Naomi, stop." She pulls away from me. Talk about mixed signals. I try to kiss her, but again she pulls away.  
"I'm not fucking you in the bed you shared with my sister, little tacky babes, yeah?" I bite back a comment about how many times Emily and I had sex on the stairs. "I've got this work thing on Friday and shit loads to do for it tomorrow, can we just…" She trails off, unsure of what she wants to ask.  
"How about I order a pizza and we watch a movie?" It shouldn't be this easy with her. Not here, where Emily and I shared so much. But it is.

We spend the rest of the evening together and Katie slips out when mum and Kieran go to bed. I feel like a teenager sneaking around, which is ironic considering how many people lived in my house when I was a teenager, back then I could have snuck as many girls in and out as I wanted. Except there had only been one girl back then and there had been no need to sneak around, mum had loved her. Katie's parked down the street and I walk her to her car. She finally lets me kiss her before she gets in the front seat. "Good luck on Friday, with your work thing."  
"Thanks. I'll see you Saturday…I expect to be impressed Campbell."

Whatever work think Katie's got on Friday it takes up most of her time and I barely get a phone call never mind a visit from her. I try not to take it personally; I know how hard she's trying to make a go of her career so I can't blame her for being too busy to see me. It doesn't make the two days I don't see her for suck any less though. I get a few cryptic texts from Effy, telling me to dress smart for our 'date' on Friday and to be ready for seven. When Effy turns up she gives me a once over and smirks. "You'll do." She's wearing a low cut strapless white dress with a chunky gold belt around the waist. Her hair is up and for once she hasn't gone too heavy on the eyeliner. She looks quite respectable and I feel a little under dressed in my leggings and a blazer. She insists I look fine as she shoves me out the door.

When we get in the taxi that's waiting outside I expect it to take us to some fancy club or pretentious wine bar. When we pull up outside the gallery that's hosting the new photography exhibit I frown to myself. I remember mentioning this to Katie, but not to Effy. When I quiz her about it she gives me that mysterious little smile of hers and ushers me inside. We each take a glass of champagne and begin looking at the exhibits on offer. It's a collection of works by local photographers ranging from landscapes to nudes, showcasing the Bristolian talent. It's the opening night and most of the artists are there talking about their work. I didn't think this would be Effy's kind of thing but I'm glad we came. There are some good shots on display and I get the chance to talk about them with the photographers.

After a little while Effy's caught up talking to a particularly cute Brazilian guy who's studying photography at the university. I entertain myself by checking out the exhibits I've yet to see and find myself drawn to a corner with a chain link fence propped against the wall. The canvases attached to the fence are all urban scenes with people in them that are either incredibly natural or don't know they're being photographed. "They're fabulous, aren't they?" A grey haired man in a pinstripe suit tries to strike up a conversation. I'm too busy staring at one picture in particular to pay him any attention. "The photographer is just darling; I've been trying to get her to put on an exhibit for months! You look familiar dear, have we met?" He scrutinises me more closely before he follows my gaze to the picture I'm looking at.

It's of a young blonde woman perched on top of some scaffolding, the sun streaming on her pensive face as she stares absently in the distance. The blonde is me. "Oh, I didn't realise you were a friend of Katie's-"  
"Naomi." Effy slips up behind me and the guy takes my silence and her piercing glares as a subtle hint to leave.  
"Is this what you wanted me to see?" I force my words out, unsure of how to react to seeing Katie's photograph of me up on the wall. This is her exhibit, her opening night, and she didn't tell me about it. I feel more than a little hurt. Her work is amazing, I don't get why she wouldn't want me to see it, even if she has used my picture without asking me. When Effy shakes her head she points out another canvas and I feel something else in the pit of my stomach.

It's another photograph of me, but this one is much older. I'm sat in a plastic garden chair; an old brown cardigan wrapped tightly around me and mascara streaming down my cheeks. My expression is haunted as I stare at something off the camera. It's from the day of the barbeque, when the Fitches lost their house and I admitted to everyone that I had slept with Sophia. "Do you get it yet?" Effy asks me. There's no malice in her voice, she sounds almost sincere as she places a hand on my shoulder. I don't. I really don't.

I understand why Katie would include the newer photograph, but not the old one. She must have been planning this exhibit for months, long before I came back to Bristol, so why use my picture? Why did she even take it? Why did she kiss me? Why do we keep having sex? Why can't one of us just stop?

"Effy!" I jump as I hear Katie's voice. She looks confused as she spots Effy by her work, and then she realises I'm with her and her surprise turns to anger. At least it's directed to Effy for a change. "I thought you were coming tomorrow with Lara?"  
"I thought Naomi might want to see your work. She's in to that kind of thing." Effy shrugs, like this hasn't been some carefully calculated plan on her part. A flash of guilt crosses Katie's face as she catches sight of the photographs.  
"I need some air." I slip away from the pair of them and make my way outside, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of my purse as I slump down on to the front steps of the gallery. After a few minutes Katie follows me out and gingerly sits beside me. Neither of us is sure what to say, so we sit in an awkward silence.

Katie looks torn as she bites at her lip, wrestling with what to say. Eventually she seems to go for something a little easier to say. "Remember I told you I found my first camera?" I nod at her, not trusting my own voice. "Well it was when we were staying at your house. It was in a box of junk in the spare room. I was just messing about with it and I saw you sitting by yourself. It was my first picture. You just looked so lost, watching Ems." She reaches out for my hand and I let her take it. I don't think I could pull away from her now if I tried. "You were always watching Emily. Even when we were younger…You never saw me."

"What's going on Katie?" I sigh as I finally find my voice. "You hated me when we were kids." It's true; from the moment Katie Fitch had walked in on her twin sister kissing me she had hated me. She'd made my life hell, threatening me to stay away from Emily, telling the kids in school I was a freak who had molested her sister. Effy's words from earlier in the week, about hurting the ones you want the most, haunt me and I have to swallow the lump that rises in my throat. I also remember what she said about running for the hills and I'm sorely tempted.

"No. I didn't. That night Ems kissed you, at that stupid house party, you don't remember do you?" She shifts uncomfortably beside me, but I don't let go of her hand. Of course I remember that night. Skulking away from the party and slipping upstairs with a bottle of vodka, Emily following me up, our lips finally meeting after hours of mindless chatter… "You looked bored as fuck; I asked you if you wanted to dance, but you just looked at me like I was stupid. Then you went upstairs and Emily followed you…"

She's right. I don't remember that. I wrack my brain, trying to bring those memories up, but all I can think about from that night is Emily. "You were jealous?" I ask, my voice sounding small, almost as insecure as Katie's.  
"I was angry!" Katie snaps, sounding a little more like her old self. "You never fucking noticed me, it was always her! For the first time in my life someone paid more attention to Emily than me, and I fucking hated you for it! Both of you! Emily was so fucking sure about who she was and what she wanted…" Katie gives up trying to explain and I see tears forming in her eyes. Her anger gives way to desperation as she just stops trying to explain.  
"Katie-"

I don't really know what to do or say. Is she telling me she's fancied me since we were teenagers? That she made my life hell because she was jealous of what I had with Emily? She tries to stand up and pull away from me, but I stand with her and cup her cheek in my hand. These past few weeks I've seen a different side to Katie. I thought she was like a different person, but maybe I've just seen the real Katie for the first time, not the bitchy front she puts on for the rest of the world. I press my lips to hers and even when I pull away I keep cradling her cheek. "I see you now."

We don't get very much time to ourselves as the grey haired guy in the suit, who turns out to be the Sean I was jealous of the other night and Katie's agent, ushers Katie inside to meet some wealthy old codgers who are interested in buying some of her prints. I promise I'll hang around until she's finished and make my way back inside to find Effy, dragging her away from the Brazilian student and over to the bar. "You could have fucking told me!" I hiss at her as we help ourselves to some more champagne. I think I'll need another few glasses after the bombshell Katie's just dropped on me.  
"You would have freaked, ran off like you always do." She shrugs her slender shoulders at me with an almost bored expression on her face. "You still planning on that date tomorrow night?" She eyes me over her glass, waiting for my reaction. I swallow the champagne in one gulp, and give her the most defiant look I can muster. Consequences be damned.  
"Yeah, I am."


	13. Chapter 13

The exhibit seems to last an eternity as I barely get to see Katie for more than five minutes at a time. It's not long enough to have any sort of meaningful conversation so I have to settle for simply reassuring her that I'm still here with a smile or a squeeze of her hand. It's not just Katie that's in demand tonight though, everyone loves her work and the shots of me have piqued a lot of interest. I get asked more than once if I'm one of Katie's model friends, they seem a little disappointed when I tell them I'm just a struggling student. Effy spends most of the night with the Brazilian and even gives him her number. I'm bored as hell on my own but don't have the heart to tear her away from her newfound friend. It's the first time I've seen her give a guy any interest and I think it's a good sign. Katie seems to agree, but cautiously keeps checking on her through the night.

When it's finally time to go Effy tears herself away from the Brazilian and we find Katie with her agent Sean. He introduces himself properly and we make small talk until our taxi turns up to take us back to Katie's. When I started my 'date' with Effy earlier tonight I never expected it to end in Katie's bedroom. Effy is thankfully in her own room, giving us some time alone. I sit quietly on the bed as Katie removes her makeup and then gets changed for bed. She's wearing an elegant cobalt blue dress that she shimmies out of, leaving her in only her underwear. My eyes are instantly drawn to her supple curves. She smirks as she catches me looking. "Perv." She laughs as I hold my hands up in mock surrender. "You staying over tonight?" She tries to make her voice sound casual, but we both know there's an elephant in the room. We need to talk about what she said to me outside the gallery. I decide it's best to play it on her terms though so start with confirming I'm staying over.

"You left some of your stuff; I washed it and put it in the bottom drawer." She nods towards her chest of drawers before she disappears in to the bathroom. I pull open the drawer and find an assortment of t-shirts, my favourite hoodie, some underwear that was probably discarded rather hastily and a couple of odd socks. I wonder when whatever's going on between me and Katie warranted me having a drawer. I pad in to the bathroom after Katie and pick my toothbrush out of the cup on the sink. I stare at it for a moment like it's a live snake and Katie frowns at me.  
"Works better with toothpaste babe." She shakes her head as I fumble with the top of the toothpaste and almost drop it down the sink. "Don't be long." She presses her lips to my cheek before slipping out the door, leaving me staring dumbly at my toothbrush again.

I have my own drawer, and my own toothbrush, and I bet if I went in to the fridge there'd be a bottle or two of my favourite wine and a jar of marmite, despite neither Katie nor Effy liking the stuff. I'm not sure at what point over the last three weeks this all happened, but it seems I've been dating Katie without even realising it. Was this why Effy got so antsy and wanted to make sure I was serious about Katie? Did she see these little signs that all mount up in to one glaringly obvious fact?

I finish in the bathroom and make my way to Katie's room. She's already tucked up in bed but she's wide awake and propped up one elbow, watching me hovering at the door. Her hair hangs in loose ringlets around her shoulders, framing her face. There are dark circles under her eyes and I only now realise how hard she's worked to pull of showing her work at that exhibit tonight. She narrows her eyes at me as I continue to just stand and stare at her, and there's a flicker of self-consciousness in them. "What?" She frowns at me, waiting for me to join her in bed. I can't. Not yet. I've just had an epiphany and I don't think I can until I get it off my chest.

"I think I might be falling in love with you." The words sound foreign coming from my lips and I almost can't believe what I've just said. I'm dangerously close to loving Katie Fitch. Her eyes widen just slightly, the only sign she's heard me before she slips a mask of neutrality over her expression. "Well say something then…" Every fibre of my being is screaming that this is wrong, that I can't love Katie. I need her to tell me it's ok, that we can actually do this.

She smirks and something of the old arrogant Katie Fitch resurfaces. "No one could blame you babe, I'm fit." I roll my eyes at her response, but it seems to successfully dissolve the tension between us and I climb in to bed with her. She scoots over and cuddles in to my side. I press my lips to her cheek as my arms wrap around her.  
"You're beautiful."

I feel her lips curl up in to a smile against my neck as she drops her defences. "I think I've already fallen babes." Her words should terrify me. They should make me want to run as far away from her and Bristol as possible; but they don't. My arms wrap all the more tightly around her, worried she might be thinking of running herself. "Better not screw it up with a crappy date." No pressure then.

I've been thinking about this date since I asked her. At first I figured we'd just go for something to eat and a drink, but given what's gone on over the past few days, and that this is Katie Fitch I'm trying to impress, I decide that average just won't do. I just can't seem to switch my brain off so I'm awake half the night, thinking about everything that's happened since I got back to Bristol, how easily Katie and I seem to have fallen in to sync. My thoughts start to wander further back to how we had been in college. I had genuinely thought she hated me for taking Emily away from her, I mean sure we had our moments when we got along, but those had always been few and far between and often short lived. Back then if anyone had said I'd one day be lying in bed, spooning Katie Fitch, I'd have said they were certifiably insane. _I_feel insane! I'm sharing a bed with the twin sister of my ex-girlfriend, a girl I've had sex with more times than I can count in the last couple of weeks; a girl I think I'm close to loving.

There've been other girls since Emily, but no one serious and I've certainly never been close to falling in love with any of them. I didn't think I was capable of loving someone else, not after Emily. It hurt so much, to finally let someone in close and then have it all blow up in my face. I'd told myself I couldn't do that again, I couldn't risk losing my heart, yet here I am practically throwing it at Katie Fitch. I guess it's too late now; I seem to have dived in head first by admitting that I've fallen for her and there's no taking it back; but then she did meet me half way. I wasn't the only one to admit how I felt tonight. We've both got our cards on the table and I guess we just need to see how the game plays out.

I have a feeling our upcoming date is going to raise the stakes. I feel the knot in my stomach tightening as I fret over how I'm going to impress her on a student's budget. Then I start to think about the fact that I've only got four weeks until I'm supposed to be going back to school, and Emily's due back this week. Is she staying with Katie or her parents? Am I going to have to face her if I want to see Katie? Can we keep this from her? Does she already know how Katie feels? I let out a sigh as my brain bombards me with questions that I honestly don't want to know the answers too. It's all starting to seem so complicated and Emily's not even back in Bristol yet.

"Babe, go to sleep." Katie's woken up by my sigh and grumbles at me. She turns over so she's facing me and her lips graze against my cheek, it could easily have been accidental since we're lying so close together, yet with one simple gesture from her my mind goes blank and I forget to worry about school and Emily as my lips move of their own accord and seek out Katie's. She's been asleep for hours and I'm not certain she's even really fully awake but her lips slowly react to my own as we share soft clumsy kisses in the dark. "Baby…" She nips at my lower lip and I know she's beginning to wake up properly. I decide that If I'm up then she should be too so I kiss her a little more forcefully as my hands slide under her T-shirt.

Either she's suddenly become a very heavy sleeper or she's pretending to still be asleep to wind me up. From the way her lips are curled up in to a smile I'd guess it's the latter. "I've been thinking, I want you to come to London with me. Today, for our date." This at least gets a reaction from her. She rolls over to face me and sits up, her expression one of puzzlement.  
"I've got a shoot at eleven."  
"We'll go after then. Come on, you said you wanted to be impressed." I push, trying to get rid of the doubt that's written all over her face. "So let me impress you." I dip my head to kiss her again and she pulls away, her expression devilish.  
"First time for everything." She's wide awake now and up to her usual tricks, trying to goad me.

I ignore her lips this time and kiss a path down her neck as my hand slides under her t-shirt again. Her stomach is searing hot to the touch and I can't resist dropping my head down to press my lips to the soft flesh. I kiss my way down to the waistband of her shorts and then stop. She grumbles petulantly at me, but I get my own back for her earlier comments as I slowly pull her shorts down and nip at her thighs, deliberately keeping away from the place she really wants my lips. "Fuck sake Naomi!" She growls impatiently as I carry on teasing her. I look up at her through hooded lids, a wicked smile playing on my lips as my tongue darts out and her eyes flutter shut. I can feel the tension building in her body and delight in the little sigh that escapes her lips.  
"It's ok Katie; I'm not that impressive anyway, am I?"

My tongue finds her core again and I have to clamp my hands down on her hips she bucks to hard against it. "Fuck, you are, ok? Just…please…" She writhes under my touch and I relent a little, giving her what she wants. When I pull back again she actually whimpers and her hands tangle in my hair as she tries to push my head back down. "I'll come to London, ok? Whatever you want babes…" She trails off as I pick up where I left off and right now I think she'd agree to anything if it means I won't stop.  
"I want you." I gasp breathlessly against her as her hips buck wildly against my face, and it's true. I want this. I want to wake up with this gorgeous girl lying by my side. I want to be the only one who makes her feel this good and I want to hear my name on her lips as I do.

When her orgasm finally rips through her I crawl back up beside her and wrap my arms around her as she buries her face in my neck. Her body is still shaking and her breath is hot and ragged against my ear. It doesn't take either of us long to fall back to sleep. When I wake up a few hours later Katie is already up and getting ready for her shoot at eleven. Effy's still asleep so when I see Katie standing in the middle of the living room opening her mail I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, leaning my chin on her shoulder. "Morning."

She turns her head to catch my cheek with her lips. "Morning babes." She turns her attention back to the pile of letters in her hand, but I'm not about to let her get away with just a kiss to my cheek. I nuzzle in to the side of her neck and nip at it with my teeth. She giggles and tries to pull away, but my arms are wrapped tightly around her waist, stopping her from going anywhere. She tosses the mail aside and turns to face me, draping her arms around my neck and kissing my lips to distract me from her neck. "Mhmmm…good morning." She repeats and I'm slightly more satisfied this time.  
"Do you have to go to work today?" I whine as she pulls away and checks over the camera equipment she's taking to her shoot. She rolls her eyes at me, but there's a smile fixed on her lips.  
"I already cleared tomorrow for you Naoms…so this date better be worth it!"  
"Tomorrow huh? Does that mean I'm getting lucky tonight?" I smirk as I pull her in for another kiss.  
"On a first date? Doubt it Campbell." She laughs as I stick my tongue out at her in protest. "Well, when you put it like that…" She winks at me and it's a good job she's already heading towards the door otherwise I'd be ripping her clothes off right now. Instead I pick up the rest of her equipment for her and follow her down to her car. She thanks me and I get a quick kiss before she gets in the car.  
"I'll see you this afternoon babe."

I make my way back up to the flat and rifle through the bottom drawer that Katie's set aside for me to find some clothes to lounge around in. Katie's going to be a few hours on the shoot and I don't have much to do at home so I decide to hang around the flat and wait for her. When Effy rolls out of bed she flops down beside me on the sofa and steals a slice off toast from the plate in my lap. "Still here then?"  
"Looks like." I reply a little dryly. I'm still not happy about the stunt she pulled, but I suppose it's helped to get everything out in the open so I can't stay too mad at her. "I'm taking Katie out later, I'm thinking of spending the night back at my flat. We'll be back Sunday afternoon-" I'm worried about leaving Effy alone overnight and I'm not even sure Katie will go for it. The other girl cuts me off with a roll of her heavily made up eyes.  
"I'm sure I'll cope. You kids have fun…Katie deserves to be happy….daft bitch must have forgotten her keys." Effy frowns as the buzzer goes off.

I feel my lips curl in to a smirk as Effy goes to open the door for her, convinced she's finished her shoot early and come back to surprise me. Effy comes back in from the hallway and flops down on the sofa again, draping her long legs over me as she makes herself comfortable again and steals another slice of toast. I roll my eyes at her out of habit, but nothing can put me out of my good mood. I've got a date with Katie Fitch. "You're early!" I call out to her as the front door shuts. I have a smug grin on my lips as I wait for her to come in so I can tease her about coming back early.

"Yeah, change of plans."

My head snaps up as a familiar husky voice answers me back. I sit there with my mouth hanging wide open, staring at Emily Fitch as she leans casually against the door frame, her hands shoved in the pockets of her jeans. Her hair is still a vibrant red, cut a little shorter but still hanging around her shoulders. She looks good; real good. "E-Emily..." I stutter like an idiot and that's all I can get out. I haven't seen her in two years and she's just standing there like it's no big deal.

"Hi." She smiles at me and I feel the knot in my stomach become unbearably tight. It feels like my throat's been cut as I struggle to take a breath. I knew this was coming. I knew I'd have to see her sooner or later, but I never expected it to be today. Never expected it to still hurt quite this much. "Is Katie around? I couldn't get through to her on her mobile."

Her mobile's sitting in her purse somewhere on the bedroom floor where she tossed it last night before we fell in to bed. Katie has no idea that her twin sister is back in Bristol. She's going to walk back in to the flat and probably find her still staring me down. She's going to freak out.

Somehow I don't think we're going to be having that date today.


	14. Chapter 14

"How've you been?" Effy's excuses herself from the room to get dressed, leaving me alone with Emily. Unlike me the youngest twin can actually form a coherent sentence and so she falls back on small talk and asks how I am. I think I'm breaking in to tiny pieces that I won't be able to fit back together, that's how I'm feeling Emily, thanks for asking.  
"Ok." I mumble, keeping my gaze on the floor. I cross my arms over my chest and force myself to make small talk. "You?"  
"I'm good." She nods at me with a polite smile and this feels so fucking wrong. I shared some of the best and worst times of my life with this girl, took her virginity from her and loved her with every fibre of my being… and yet here we are, practically strangers, and every word between us feels forced. "I didn't know you were back."  
"It was a last minute thing." I don't elaborate or tell her that mum's spent all year badgering me in to coming back. "I've got to go."

"Oh, ok. Maybe I'll see you around?" Maybe it's my imagination but her voice has that hopeful little lilt again. It's been a long time since it's been directed at me and I feel myself crumbling. I can't do this. I can't act like everything's ok between us; like I haven't spent the best part of three weeks fucking her sister.  
"I don't know, maybe. I'm going back to London soon." I make a hasty retreat from the apartment, not caring about what I've left behind in Katie's room.

I've barely stepped off the stairs when I walk in to Katie; her face lights up and my heart breaks all the more. I don't give her a chance to speak, just push her up against the wall, my hands tangling in her hair as I kiss her for all I'm worth. Like it's the last kiss we'll ever share. We're both breathless by the time I pull away, though I don't move my hands, keeping her face pressed against mine. The tears forming in my eyes are hot and sting like hell, blurring my vision. "Come with me. Right now. Let's just leave, ok?"

"What's up with you?" Katie chuckles with a bemused frown. "I've got to pack a bag and check on Effy. I'll be an hour tops, then I'm all yours." She smiles against my mouth as she kisses me again. I wish it could be that simple, I really do.  
"Please." I try again and she finally sees the state I'm in. My eyes are red and puffy, swollen with unshed tears. My voice is desperate as I plead with her to just come with me. Part of me thinks that if we just leave now we can somehow make this thing between us work. It's wishful thinking.  
"Babe, what's wrong?" She steps forward and tries to cup my cheek with one of her perfectly manicured hands. I pull away from her touch. "What is it?"  
"Emily." I choke out, my tears finally falling. "She came home early. She's upstairs."

The smile on Katie's face disappears in the blink of an eye as the atmosphere between us changes. She can't look me in the eye. "Come with me." I try one more time, but my pleading falls on deaf ears. She shakes her head at me, her soft chocolate coloured curls bouncing against her shoulders.  
"I'm sorry."  
"Me too."

The security door slams shut behind me as I storm out. I don't really know where I'm going; I'm blind with anger and self-pity. It's cold and wet outside and I'm only wearing a thin t-shirt and the sweatpants I left at Katie's. When I finally get my bearings I realise I'm closer to Cook's flat than to my own house so I start heading towards his place. It's a block of flats in the rougher part of town that serves as a sort of halfway house for ex-offenders. I've only been here once and I hadn't been keen on walking the surrounding streets alone at the time, but right now I could care less. I just want to get off my tits and if anyone can help with that it's Cook.

The lift up to his flat is small and dank and smells like piss. I'm amazed it even manages to get to the first floor never mind all the way up to the fifth. Cook's flat is the third one along the landing and I recognise it by sight more than by number. The peeling blue paint on the door is memorable to me and after a few minutes of pounding on the door Cook appears at it, confirming I have the right flat.

He frowns as he opens the door and peers at me through eyes that are barely more than slits. He stands in only his boxers and a pair of dirty white socks, peering at her like he doesn't realise who she is. After a moment he blinks away his confusion. "Blondie? What you doing here?" I open my mouth to answer him but the only sound that escapes my lips is a strangled sob. I break down there and then on his doorstep, my legs giving way from beneath me as I slump to the ground. "Whoa!" Cook lunges forward to catch me and practically carries me inside to his living room. He puts me down on the sofa and I wrap my arms around his neck as I cry in to his broad shoulder.

Eventually I calm down enough to answer his questions and as soon as I start I can't stop. I pour everything out to him. From the first night in the club, mistaking Katie for Emily, to my sudden realisation last night that I'm in love with her. "Fuck me Naoms!" He sighs as he runs a hand through his hair; it's getting a bit on the long side and poking out at odd angles. "Katie Fitch? Seriously? What the fuck were you thinking?"  
"I wasn't!" I snap at him, my temper getting the better of me. I didn't come here for a lecture from Cook of all people.  
"Obviously! I mean fucking hell, that's Red's sister man! Did you just wake up one morning and think how the fuck can I hurt her anymore? Jesus Christ!"

I'm taken aback by Cook's attitude. I never knew he and Emily were all that close and I'm shocked that he's actually shouting at me. "Fuck you Cook!" I get to my feet, my tears drying up as every emotion I'm feeling is replaced by blinding anger. "She hurt me too! I fucked up, I know that! But she _gave up_! Ok? I bore my fucking soul to her and she gave up on us! On me…"  
"Naoms-" His expression softens as he steps forward and tries to put his arms around me. I push him off me and shake my head at him.  
"No! Just fuck off, ok? I don't fucking need your pity!" He doesn't let me pull away from him though and his strong arms wrap around me like a cocoon. As soon as they do I give in and sink in to him. The tears come again and I sob in to his chest, soaking his skin. He pulls me down on to the sofa, sitting me on his lap and keeping his arms wrapped around.

"Life would be so much simpler if you just shagged me." Cook teases me and I can't help but chuckle at him. I shift uncomfortably as I feel something digging in to my leg.  
"You've got a fucking hard on right now, haven't you?" I slam my fist in to his shoulder as I get back to my feet and wipe at my eyes. If he's trying to distract me it's working. He cackles like a hyena as I scowl and shout at him to get some fucking clothes on.

He pulls on a pair of chinos that are draped over the back of his sofa, which is a start at least. "Tell you what babes, me, you and JJ, down Uncle Keith's! We'll get bladdered, have a couple games of pool, hit on some fitties, what do you say?"  
"The only fucking women in your uncle's pub are pensioners!" I roll my eyes at him, but have to admit the idea of getting drunk is a tempting one.  
"Yeah, but that Sandra's a right goer!" He grins as he vulgarly thrusts his hips in the air, and since it's Cook we're talking about I'm not even sure if he's kidding or not. "Right Blondie, I'm gonna get some threads on, you give JJ a ring, yeah? See if Lara will let him out to play after work!"

He goes off to get dressed, leaving me searching my pockets for my phone. "Fuck!" I curse at the top of my voice as I come up empty. I've left my phone at Katie's. When I tell Cook he pulls his own out and sends a few texts before pocketing it again.  
"Sorted, I've told JJ to meet us after work, and Effy's bringing your phone down to Uncle Keith's." I'm relieved that I won't have to go back to Katie's to pick it up and think no more about it until two hours later when Effy turns up at the pub; with Emily in tow.

In the two hours we've been in this shit hole Cook and I have put back at least three pints each, demolished a dozen shots and even risked the new barmaid's 'Cocktail Surprise', which given that Keith has a tendency to hire barmaids based on the size of their chest and not their IQ, it's a miracle it hasn't killed us. "EMILIO!" Cook knocks his chair to the floor as he springs to his feet and wraps the little redhead up in his arms. She laughs as he picks her up off her feet and spins her, the pair of them almost falling to the floor as he loses his balance. "Oi, Betty, how about some shots love?" He stumbles over to the bar and starts flirting with the big chested barmaid.

"How much has he had?" Emily laughs as she and Effy take a seat at our table in the corner.  
"Not enough." I push my own chair back and join Cook at the bar; downing two shots the second Betty the barmaid puts them down in front of me. "New plan. I want to get seriously fucked up, like off my tits fucked up." Cook grins at me as he pulls out a little clear plastic baggy with powder in it. "How about a little pickup from Percy?" I take the bag from his hand and disappear in to the bathroom. I don't usually touch anything stronger than weed and maybe a little bit of MDMA, but I'm pretty sure taking that around Emily is what started all this mess in the first place, so Cook's coke will have to do.

I lock the door behind me and fumble with the bag, eventually managing to pour enough out on to the bench by the sink to make a line. I've never done this myself so I pull a card out of my purse and crush the powder even finer before pushing it in to a line. "For fuck sake!" I curse as there's a knock at the door.  
"Open the fuck up." Effy snaps when she has to knock a second time and I eventually unlock the door and let her in. She flips down the lid of the toilet and takes a seat, narrowing her eyes at the powder on the bench. "Ems wanted to see Cook… and you've got to face her some time."

"No. I didn't. I could have stayed away, I could have fucking avoided all of this shit if I'd just never come back!" Of course that would mean I would never have ended up kissing Katie Fitch and somehow that seems worse. I pull my hair back and press a finger to my nose to block the other nostril as I bend down to snort the line I've just cut. My nose stings as the powder goes up, burning in the back of my throat. It's not an instant kick like most people think, I've got a good twenty minute wait before it will work its way to my brain. I can't stay in here until then so I take a deep breath and unlock the door. I pause with my hand on the door. "How's Katie?"

"I don't know…she was pretty quiet when she came home. I'm guessing she saw you." I nod my head, not risking turning around to face her. I feel my eyes beginning to sting and it's not from the drugs. I can't break down, not here in this filthy toilet with Emily sitting right outside.  
"I asked her to come with me…she said no."  
"Naoms, just give her time. This is hard for her too."  
"She's made her choice Eff." I wrench the door open and make my way back to our table.

Emily and Cook are playing some sort of shot game that seems to consist solely of who can drink the most the quickest. Emily's winning. She always could handle her drink pretty well for such a pint sized girl. Katie's the same. We lapse in to an awkward silence as Cook goes for another round at the bar. Amazingly it's Effy who makes the small talk for a change. Eventually the drugs kick in and despite being wired I start to feel a little more at ease. The problem I have with coke though, is it tends to turn me in to a bit of a dick head, add that to all the drink I've knocked back and I'm a grade A twat. "So how long are you back for?"

Cook's over by the jukebox with JJ who turned up ten minutes ago and Effy's gone to the toilet, leaving me alone with Emily. "Probably till school starts." She shrugs at me as she takes a sip of the cocktail surprise Cook bought her from the bar. "How about you?"  
"Haven't made up my mind yet."

We lapse in to silence again until Emily eyes the pool table. "Fancy a game?" She nods toward it and I figure it will be easier if we're actually doing something rather than sitting staring at each other. Emily racks up as I slip back to the bathroom and take another line, already starting to come down from the first. When I get back I can't help but roll my eyes and start rearranging the balls in the triangle. She never gets it right.  
"What exactly are they teaching you at university?" I smirk as she shakes her head at me. I was right; it's easier to talk to her when we've got something else to distract us.  
"The best place to hit naughty school kids and not leave a mark." She shoots back at me with a smirk as she goes first and breaks. The balls shoot across the table and one of the yellow balls sinks in to the top pocket. She might not be able to set up the balls right to save her life but she knows how to handle a pool cue and sinks two more balls before I even get a shot.

"I hope you're planning on teaching nursery, the rest of the kids will be taller than you." I sink a ball of my own but miss my second shot and end up potting the white ball instead. She laughs my comments off and takes her own shot, doing a lot better than I did and sinking another ball. As she bends over the table to take another shot she smirks up at me.  
"I think I've grown an inch this year." That gets another laugh out of me, because she's still as tiny as she ever was, but it seems like we've broken the ice a little bit and after that things get easier. I bite my lip as she leans further over to take her shot and I get a pretty good view of her chest.

The others join us by the table and after Emily beats me we play doubles, me and Cook against her and Effy. No one plays JJ because he tends to see the angles for every shot and usually wins a game before anyone else can pot a ball.

The afternoon isn't as bad as I was expecting and by the time we leave Keith's pub I'm actually in a pretty good mood, whether it's all the drugs or the booze I'm not sure, but I'm pretty out of it when I agree to go back to Katie's with the others. It seems Effy forgot to bring my phone with her, so I don't have much of a choice.

Katie's lounging on the sofa when we all pile in to the apartment. I take a seat beside her, but then Emily sits down next to me and I'm flanked by a twin on each side. I laugh. I really can't help it. It's just so fucking ironic. Katie barely even looks at me as she gets up and asks if anyone wants a beer and my laughter dies in my throat. I'm starting to come down again and I feel like shit.

Getting up I make my way to the bathroom and splash cold water on to my face to try and sort myself out. I know it will take a lot more than that, but it will have to do for now. When I come out of the bathroom I go to Katie's room instead of joining the others. I find my phone sitting on her bed where I left it. After a moment the door opens and Katie joins me. Her arms are crossed against her chest, making her look even smaller than usual as she folds in on herself. I can tell by the expression she's wearing that I'm not going to like what she's about to say; so I don't give her the chance to say it.

Stepping forward I put my hand at the back of her head and crush our lips together. At first she doesn't fight me, but when she pulls away there are fresh tears in her eyes. "So that's it, yeah? She's back so you want her again…"  
"What?" Out of everything she could have said I hadn't been expecting that. I think my mouth is actually hanging open as I gawp at her. "No! I…me and Ems…that's over Katie!" The oldest twin bites her lip self-consciously as she looks me anywhere but in the eye.  
"I saw how upset you were this morning Naomi. If it's no big deal than why did you get so worked up? I'm nobody's second choice Naomi. If you want her…if you want _her,_ then you can't have _me._" Her voice is small and all of her usual bravado and confidence is gone from it. It's terrifying, watching her give up without a fight for the first time in her life. I think it would be easier if she was screaming at me, instead of just staring off in to space with those big brown eyes.

"I don't!" I protest and step forward to try and take hold of her again. She takes a step back and finally looks me in the eye. There's a fire in her eyes again and her anger is more reassuring than anything else. It's normal, familiar, and I can deal with it.  
"Just think it over, ok? I'm giving you a chance here Campbell, you can walk away and that's it. But if we do this, then I've got to know it's me you want to be with. Not her. I'm not a fucking substitute for anyone." She takes a cautious step forward and presses her lips to my cheek. "Think it over."

I wait for her to go back in to the living room and give it a few minutes before I go back in. I feel a lump in my throat as I take a seat on the chair opposite the sofa and take the beer Cook offers me. It's warm and flat and it does nothing to help my churning stomach.

It's easy to tell Katie that I don't want Emily when I haven't seen her in over two years. But as my gaze wanders over to the youngest Fitch I can't deny she looks good, and this afternoon was easier than I expected. It's not like I'm still in love with her, because I'm not, but I can't deny I'm not attracted to her. You can't just stop being attracted to someone because they dump you. And that's what Emily did; she dumped me. It wasn't my choice to break up. I mean, if she'd just tried a little harder, then maybe we might have made it?

Fuck. Bad thoughts Campbell. Me and Emily were over a long time ago. It's water under the bridge; seeing her today was just a shock to my system that's all, after everything Katie said last night, obviously my head's going to be a little screwed up. I don't want Emily back… I don't!

I catch Katie's eyes and see complex emotions playing out across her face; mostly dissapointment. If I can't even convince myself then what chance do I have of convincing her?

**A/N: **So a lot of people asked for a quick update, hopefully this was quick enough without being too rushed. I'm managing to update quite quickly at the moment as I've had two weeks off work, I'm back in a few days though so will update when I can. Once again thank you to everyone who's reading and for the awesome reviews, I'm really glad people like this as I wasn't all that sure I could pull off a Kaomi fic when I started. Also I'm taking the opportunity to shamelessly plug my new fic 'Surviving Bristol' which has a pretty strong Naomi/Katie friendship if anyone's interested.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Apologies that I haven't been able to update as quickly as I have been. I've got a few fics on the go and I've been busy with work. I haven't been completely ignoring this fic though as I've actually been working on the last chapter which anyone who reads my stuff will know usually takes me months to get up so I thought I'd do it in advance, but hopefully there will be plenty more chapters before it's needed! Once again thanks for reading and for the reviews :)

When I wake up my mouth is dry and my head is pounding. I drank far too much last night and was stupid enough to take pills from Cook. I'm lying curled under a blanket on the sofa and the realisation that I'm not in Katie's bed makes my head hurt all the more. I think I tried to follow her to bed last night, but with Emily staying over Katie had given up her bed for her and slept in with Effy. That makes my head hurt too. I try not to think about the fact that they've slept together before, try to forget about the times Katie's teased me about Effy being better in bed.

I push the blanket away from me and drag myself on to my feet as I shuffle in to the kitchen, intending to hunt out some painkillers. I don't have to look too far as there's a strip of aspirin on the bench next to a post it note that says _'Fresh orange in the fridge, K x.' _My head may still be hurting, but at least my heart is aching a little less. Despite giving me the cold shoulder last night she hasn't brushed me off completely. I help myself to two of the pills and wash it down with a big glass of fresh orange with bits in. Katie hates bits, but she stills buys it for me anyway.

It's still early and as far as I can tell no one else is up, so I take a big risk and pad softly down the hall to Effy's room, which is dangerously close to Katie's. I push the door open as silently as I can and I'm relieved to see that Effy is already up and out of bed, fully clothed and _not_shagging my sort-of girlfriend. I hold my finger to my lips and point to Katie, hoping she gets the message. She looks warily at the wall that separates us from a sleeping Emily and then shrugs before slipping out of the room, leaving me alone with Katie. She's still sound asleep and only begins to stir as I climb on to the bed and crawl up the length of it to place a tender kiss to her lips. She makes that little sound that she makes when she's content, usually after I've been kissing her in other places, and a lazy smile spreads over her lips. Her eyes open slowly as I lie down beside her and carry on kissing her, her lips, her cheek, her neck, further and further down until I reach the hem of her pyjama bottoms and I'm relieved to see she went to bed fully clothed last night and has stayed that way; for now at least.

"Effy said we're not allowed to shag in her bed." Katie finally mumbles, her words muffled by a yawn, though she makes no attempt to stop me as I pull down her pyjamas and trail teasing kisses along her thigh.  
"Did she say anything about the floor?" I ask in a rather petulant tone as she finally pushes her legs shut and pulls me back up to kiss her lips again. She giggles in to my mouth and it's better than any kind of painkiller, even if I know I'm not going to get what I want. At least not with Emily in the next room.  
"Ems is next door." Trust Katie to point out the elephant in the room. I lean on my side and stare down at her as I bite my lip.

"And I'm in here. With you."  
"Let's keep it that way." Katie sits up and presses her lips to mine a little more aggressively than usual, like the first night we kissed, like she's trying to bruise my lips and leave a mark. It's the kind of searing kiss that would usually lead to more if it weren't for Emily sleeping in the room next door. She sighs as she gives up her assault on my lips and settles for cuddling in to my side. "Ems can't find out about this. It wouldn't be fair."

_Fair. _Nothing seems fair right now. It doesn't seem fair that the first person I've really fallen for in years had to be Emily's twin sister. No, there's nothing fair about that at all. Katie's right though, if Emily finds out what's going on between us it will destroy her, and I've already hurt her enough. "Can we meet up later? For lunch or something, are you working today?"

"I've taken the week off with Ems coming home. We're going to the train station at one, but we could maybe sneak in a quick lunch." Being squeezed in to Katie's hectic schedule is nothing new for me now so I don't object. "What are you going to the station for?" Is it wishful thinking that I want her to say that Emily's going back already?  
"We're picking up Jen." Katie replies offhandedly as though I should know exactly who she's talking about.  
"And Jen is?"  
"Emily's girlfriend."  
"Oh."

I'd forgotten that Emily was seeing someone. She didn't mention her last night; at least I don't think she did. I was pretty out of it. I remember Katie mentioning something about Emily being happy with someone when I first got back to Bristol, it was barely a month ago but it seems like longer. Great. Fucking fantastic! Not only do I have to put up with Emily being back, I'll have to play nice with her new girlfriend too.

"Could you look any more jealous? For fuck sake!" Katie pulls away from me in a huff. She's misread my anxious expression and mistook it for jealousy. I'm not jealous of Emily or her girlfriend, I'm really not. Ok, I admit there's a tiny bit of me that's angry and jealous that she's moved on, but I'm pretty sure that's my pride more than anything else. Admitting this to Katie though would only land me in even deeper water so I try and convince her she's got it wrong, but she doesn't want to know.  
"Katie! It's not like that!" I try to grab her arm but she shoves me away and glares at me with a face like thunder. I've been on the receiving end of Katie Fitch's wrath plenty times before, but as she looks at me with a mixture of anger and disappointment I feel my heart sink. This isn't how it's supposed to be anymore, us screaming and shouting at each other. We're different now. We're _supposed_to be different.

I can't lose this thing we have, whatever it is, for the first time in years I have a genuine connection to someone. This isn't fair. I haven't done anything! Not this time at least. Yet Katie's looking at me with the same cold anger that Emily directed at me the day she found out the truth about Sophia and the drugs and her stupid fucking wooden box. "What do I have to fucking say to you to prove that I want you? I fucking lo-"  
"Don't!" Katie snaps at me. Her tone is even sharper than before, but the anger has gone from her eyes, replaced only by unshed tears. "Don't you dare fucking say that to me! Not when you're still in love with her!"  
"I'm not!" I protest and I'll carry on saying it until my throat is raw, until Katie believes me. She has to believe me, because it's the truth.

I know what she thinks, what everyone thinks. Emily left me. I didn't leave her; I cried my heart out and moved to another city just to get away from that heartache, from this horrid city and the painful memories it holds. I'll admit it's still hard to see her, to know she's happy with someone else. If you'd asked me a month ago if I was still in love with Emily Fitch I'd have stumbled over my answer and probably second guessed it a hundred times; and if you'd asked if I was in love with Katie Fitch I probably would have laughed in your face. But I am.

It's nothing like it was with Emily. Katie's not a push over, she doesn't back down because I pull a face or go in a strop, if anything she stands her ground the more I try to stand mine. We bicker and we argue and there's nothing perfect about what's going on between us. Katie doesn't think I'm perfect, hell she knows how badly I can screw up. We're both as fucked up as each other and it's so much easier than what I had with Emily. There's no pretence about it. "Katie, wait!" I call out as she walks out of the room and for once it's me doing the chasing.  
"Just leave it, yeah?" She snaps back at me and I'm about to open my mouth to protest when I realise Emily's standing in the hall. Katie glares at me as she flounces off to the kitchen.

"Nothing changes." Emily smirks at me like we're sharing a private joke but it just rubs me up the wrong way and I end up glaring at her. Not so long ago she would have shrunk back sheepishly under my anger, but not now. Katie and I aren't the only ones that have changed. She chuckles at me as she rolls her eyes. "Like I said, nothing changes." I want to tell her that plenty's changed, that I've changed! That instead of wanting to kill her sister most of the time I now want to shag her; though admittedly there are still moments when I'd opt for killing her. Now is one of them. She deliberately spends an age in the kitchen, refusing to acknowledge me even as I brush past her to get the milk out of the fridge for my cereal. When she finally leaves the kitchen it's only to sit squarely between Effy and Emily on the sofa. I spend an hour trying to get her on her own, but she never gives me the chance. Katie's nothing if not stubborn; but then so am I.

I wait until she goes to the bathroom wait a minute and then declare I'm going to get dressed. I reach the bathroom door just as it opens and walk in before Katie can walk out. "What are you-" Her objections die in her throat as I cup my hands around her face and crush our lips together. As angry as she is with me she doesn't fight me. Her lips eagerly respond to mine, like she can't help but kiss me back. And that's exactly how it is. As fucked up as all of this is, as certain as I am that someone's going to get hurt, I can't stop myself. I couldn't stop kissing her if I tried.

It's Katie who pulls away first, but again I don't give her a chance to speak. "I'm in love with you." The words hang heavy in the air between us as Katie just stares at me, not saying a word. "I'll prove it. Right here, right now. I'll tell her. I'll tell Emily and Effy and any fucker else who will listen that I'm in love with you-" I'm glad Katie stops my rambling with a kiss and not a slap to the face. I've had quite enough of the latter from her to last me a lifetime. She wraps her arms around my neck and sighs.  
"Shut the fuck up Campbell." There's no malice in her words but I know she still doesn't believe I'm not still in love with her twin. She heard me that night in Freddie's shed, the night I confessed to being in love with Emily since I was twelve. She's not likely to just forget about that, or let me forget about it either. I know I'm going to have to work my arse off to prove it to her. To get her to say it back to me.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** So I've been avoiding this fic a little bit lately as my ex is back in my life and screwing with my head, so everything I've been writing for this keeps coming out as an angsty mess; but I have a date with a cute girl who isn't a nutter so it's put me in a better mood to write and this update is a little longer than the last :)

It's only when I leave Katie's, when I stumble home and close the front door behind me, that I finally break. I sink to the floor with my back against the front door as the first strangled sob escapes my lips. It's all just too much. I only just figured out I'm in love with Katie and now Emily's just strolled back in to my life and brought this fucked up fragile thing crashing down around me. I tuck my knees up to my chest as I finally begin to lose control and cry my eyes out. My mother isn't the greatest of parents but she's clearly not home as I spend the next hour sitting by the door, having what I can only describe as a small breakdown.

I should never have come back. I should have known better. When have things ever gone right for me in Bristol? _When Emily loved you back. _Fuck. I try to block out the voices in my head, but it's pretty hard to ignore yourself; and it's right. I'm right. Emily was the best thing to happen to me here in Bristol, and she was the reason I fled the city. I spent years secretly pining for her and then when I got her I just couldn't handle it. I was a scared kid and I fucked up.

Now I'm an adult and I'm terrified that I'm going to hurt Katie. Katie's right, not that I would ever admit that to her or anyone else, I can't help how I feel about Emily. What we had didn't just get erased from history because we broke up. Feelings didn't just suddenly change because she wasn't mine anymore. She was my first real relationship, my first real love; no amount of denial is going to change that.

If things were different, if she wasn't with someone and I hadn't been fucking her twin, then maybe we could just pick up from where we left off. Last night proved that. The feelings are still there. They might be wrapped up in anger and bitterness and buried deep beneath my common sense, but they're there. And last night, just for a second, I wondered if maybe Emily's feelings were still there too; which makes Katie right. I think I might still be in love with Emily…

But I think I love Katie too, and loving them both is just too fucked up to think about. They're twins, bound by the sacred bond of sisterhood or whatever and I'm planting myself square in the fucking middle of them. If Emily finds out about me and Katie it will destroy her. If I'm honest with Katie it will cripple what we have and I don't want that to happen. I want Katie Fitch, I really do, but there's still a part of me that wants Emily. The part of me that's still a scared twelve year on her first day at high school; the girl that fell in love with a girl who offered her a smile and stole her heart in return.

Fuck. I can't take this. I just can't. I'm going to fuck things up all over again and whatever happens I'm going to end up hurting someone, and probably myself in the process. I can't be with Katie if I still want Emily and I can't try and mend things with Emily without hurting Katie. It's true; you really can't have your cake and eat it.

I make up my mind there and then and storm up the stairs two at a time, wiping furiously at my tears. I can't hurt either of them, but the only way to really stop myself from fucking things up completely is to spite myself. I can't hurt either; so I can't have either. I need to get out of here, away from both of them. I'll still hurt Katie of course, running away from her after declaring my love for her only hours earlier, but it won't hurt forever and it won't be anything near the pain I could cause her if I stick around.

I mean, honestly, who was I kidding? We live hours apart and I'm going home in a few weeks anyway, back to my real life in London where neither of the Fitches have a place anymore. It's not like me and Katie could keep this up. She's not going to tell anyone about us. I'm not going to be invited over for Fitch family dinners or spend a Christmas morning with her. We don't have a future. We can't _make _this work. Maybe she figured that out first? Maybe that's why she's trying to push me away and blaming it on my feelings for Emily? Well I'm going to make it easier on everyone. I'm leaving. Today.

I drag my suitcase out from under my bed and start shoving the few clothes and possessions that I brought with me from uni. There's not much so it doesn't take long before the case it packed and I'm ready to order a taxi for the train station. Except just as I pick up the house phone in the kitchen there's a knock at the door and my great escape has to be put on hold as I go to answer it. I swear if it's someone trying to sell me double glazing, or one of mum's old squatters come to blag a free bed, I'm going to scream.

I open the door with my face already set in a scowl and it doesn't change when I realise who's standing on my doorstep. Big brown eyes, gorgeous smile, bright red hair. "What do you want Emily?" I sigh and try to go for indifference even though I'm still freaking out and having her on my doorstep doesn't help. She doesn't seem fazed by my reaction, was probably even expecting it. She's stronger now; though maybe not strong enough to hear that I've fallen for her twin.

"We need to talk." She doesn't ask, just walks straight past me and in to the living room.  
"Come on in." I mutter under my breath as I slam the front door shut. I follow her in to the living room and find her already perched on one of the chairs, her hands resting on her knees. She's wearing a skirt that has risen up from sitting down and a shirt that has one too many buttons open, giving me a pretty good view as I stand over her with my arms crossed.

Fuck, I told her sister I loved her less than two hours ago and here I am trying my best not to stare at her tits. "What do you want?" I repeat because I choked the words out once before and they seem safe so I stick to them.  
"To talk." She repeats, but she seems less sure of herself now that she's in the house and I'm standing over her with a face like thunder. I feel a pang of guilt at making her uncomfortable and add it to the endless list of the many ways I've hurt Emily Fitch as I take a seat on the chair opposite the sofa. "I'm glad you're back."

I wish I could say it back to her, but her reappearance in Bristol has brought an end to the day dream I've been living in with Katie for the past few weeks, so I stay silent and let her carry on. "We never really got a chance to talk about what happened…with us."  
"Emily-" I start, too emotionally spent to have this conversation with her now, but her next words cut me off completely and leave me dumbfounded.  
"I forgive you."

I stare at her for a full minute, unsure of what exactly I'm supposed to say back to that. I don't deserve her forgiveness, not after everything that I've done to her. She doesn't even know the half of it, yet she's sitting there absolving me of my greatest sins. I open my mouth, my lips flapping but not managing to form a single word. She gets to her feet and leans over me, presses her lips to my cheek. My eyes close of their own accord as my fists clench at my sides and my arms shake as I have to physically stop myself from wrapping my arms around her and pulling her down.

She ducks her head a little as she pulls away, no longer able to look me in the eye. "I just wanted you to know that." She lets herself out as I sit there holding my cheek and staring after her. My stomach is in knots and my chest feels so tight that I can't breathe. I slump on to the sofa and start to cry again as I bury my face in one of the pillows. I should leave. I should get up, get my case and just go to the fucking train station; but I can't move.

I'm still curled up on the sofa hours later when my phone begins ringing from inside my pocket and I have to twist to pull it out of my jeans. My limbs are sore and stiff from staying curled up from so long and my throat is raw from crying. "Hello?" My voice comes out raspy as I answer. If Katie notices she doesn't mention anything.  
"We're having dinner at Laura and JJ's tonight, so everyone can meet Emily's girlfriend." The last place on earth I want to be tonight is at Laura and JJ's, but I know Katie and the game she's playing. If I say no she'll know I can't face Emily, and if I say yes she'll witness for herself that I can't face seeing Emily and her new girlfriend all loved up. Either way I can't win.

"What time?" I ask as I uncurl myself. I know I should get out while I can, but I can't leave. It's got nothing to do with Emily and her surprise visit, or even her chaste kiss to my cheek; it's Katie. Just hearing her voice over the phone, even if it does sound a little strained with me, is enough to ease the pressure in my head and the tightness in my chest. It's too late to run now. I'm in love with Katie Fitch and there's nothing I can do about it.  
"Seven." She replies, sounding a little surprised by my response. She's still waiting for me to fuck up. Me and her both.  
"Ok. I'll see you there…"  
"Ok." She replies and the line goes quiet, but I know she hasn't hung up. She's waiting on the other end for something.

"I miss you already." I sigh, hoping she knows what I'm talking about; that now that Emily is in Bristol and living in her house I can't be over there all the time. If we're really going to try and keep this up then we're going to have to be careful.  
"Yeah, me too." She hangs up, but her last words were at least said in a warmer tone than her first.

I glance at my watch and realise it's almost six already, I've been moping on the sofa for longer than I thought. I drag myself upstairs to take a shower and get ready for what it possibly going to be the worst dinner party of my life. I'm torn between dressing up and dressing down. I don't want to show up looking like a student bum when I'm meeting this Jen girl, but then again I don't want to look like I've put too much effort in to my appearance in case Katie reads too much in to it.

I really can't win so I go for neutral and put my blue pinstripe blazer on over a pair of skinny jeans and a white T-shirt, formal but casual at the same time. I tie my hair back and put on a little bit of makeup, mostly to hide how puffy my eyes are from crying, and I'm ready to go. My phone goes off again a little before seven and I think Katie's double checking to make sure I'm still coming. "I'm leaving now." I snap before she has a chance to berate me.  
"I'm outside." She snaps back at me with just as much patience; this is going to be a long night.

I hang up and head downstairs to open the door for her, but she hasn't even bothered to get out of the car. I roll my eyes at her as she beeps her horn for me to hurry up. Ducking back inside I grab my purse and check I have my house keys before I go out to meet her. "Chauffer service? Making sure I definitely go then?" Katie doesn't find me very funny as she just glares and starts the car. I know I'm being a bitch, but I can't help it. She's had to drive past Laura and JJ's to pick me up, so she clearly doesn't trust me.  
"I thought it'd be nice to get five fucking minutes alone." She growls out in response and I couldn't feel any more like a jack ass right now if I tried.

"Sorry." I mumble like a chastised child. My hand reaches out for hers as we stop at a traffic light and though she keeps her attention fixed on the road she takes my hand and places it on top of the gear stick, placing hers over it as she drives; it stays there for the rest of the journey. She pulls in to a parking space at the end of Laura's road, a good ten houses from where we need to be even though I can see there's a space right outside Laura's front door. I part my lips to question her but don't get very far as her own lips find mine and her tongue slips in to my open mouth.

I'm a little surprised but it doesn't take me long to start kissing her back. She undoes her seat belt and climbs over the gearstick and on to my lap. How she manages this in a mini without our lips breaking contact is a small miracle, but I could care less because she's straddling me and wearing a tiny skirt that rides up as my hands find her thighs and her ample chest is pushed up against me and once again she invokes the sex drive of a teenage boy in me as one of my hands slips up her skirt. She doesn't stop me. If I was a cynic I'd think she'd planed this all along.

The thong she's wearing can barely be classed as underwear and my hand pushes under it with little resistance. I feel her sharp intake of breath as my fingers brush against the bundle of nerves at her centre. Her arms wrap around my neck and her hips rise up a little bit, giving me more room to manoeuvre. This would be much easier if she had a bigger car.

Our lips never leave each other as I teasingly slip a finger inside of her. She gasps as I add a second straight away, but it's not like we've got much time. It's ten to seven and we're parked down the street from the house Emily will be turning up at any minute. I don't want to rush this too much though so I keep my pace slow and teasing, drawing out every gasp and moan from her that I can. "Babes." She groans in to my mouth as the pressure at her centre grows too much for her.  
"Yes?" My lips curl in to a smile against hers as she bucks her hips, trying to get the release I'm refusing her.

"Naomi!" My name comes out as a whine as I slow down even more and my thumb traces teasingly over her clit in slow circles. I giggle as she nips at my lip in protest. I wish every moment between us could be this simple.

It's already gone past seven though and Katie's going to need some time to compose herself, if we turn up too late with Katie red faced and her eyes glazed then we'll definitely give the game away. I move faster inside of her as my thumb rubs her more harshly. She finally breaks the kiss to bury her face in my shoulder as her hips buck forward to meet my hand and she starts to pant. "I love you." I don't know where the words come from but they seem to be all that Katie needs to push her over the edge. Her muscles clench painfully tight around my fingers as her nails dig in to my neck and she grinds against me, riding out her orgasm.

"Fuck." She gasps once it's over and I finally slide my digits out of her. We sit there for a good few minutes until the aftershocks have all ran through her. I sit there awkwardly with my fingers covered in her juices and weigh up where would be best to wipe them. Katie notices my dilemma and takes hold of my hand; before I can comprehend what she's doing she takes my fingers in to her mouth. The ache that's been building between my own legs is becoming unbearable and I'm tempted to guide her mouth elsewhere; though doing _that _in the front seat of a Mini Cooper really would be a miracle.

When she's done she leans against me with her head on my shoulder and I run my other hand through her hair. Once her breathing has returned to normal she kisses my cheek and climbs back in to her own seat, adjusting her skirt again. Apart from a slight flush to her cheeks she looks like nothing's just happened. It's definitely improved her mood though, which can only be a good thing.

She starts the car again and drives up to Laura's front gate, reminding me of why we're in the car in the first place. My own mood falters again as I glumly unbuckle my seat belt. Katie reaches over and places her hand high up on my thigh. She deliberately flexes her fingers, her long red nails brushing against my already throbbing centre. She smirks as she watches my reaction. "I'll drive you home tonight, yeah babes?" Her fingers flex again and all I can manage is an enthusiastic nod.

Now I have another reason to want this dinner party to be over and done with.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Sorry for how long it's taken to update, been busy with work and working on getting a second date since the first one went so well…cute girls are pretty much the only thing that can distract me from writing! Thanks again to everyone who's reading and for the awesome reviews.**

The second we walk through the door the games begin. "Late as usual." Emily teases her twin and I can't help but think their bickering has gotten worse over the years as Katie scowls at her. It's not the first time I've picked up on tension between the two, but then I guess it's expected from Katie considering what's going on between us. Emily seems just as bristly, though she's trying to hide it behind a smile and gentle teasing. I can see right through her though; always could.

"I was on time, it's not my fucking fault numb nuts over here can't tell the fucking time." Katie snaps back, blaming our lateness on me. I suppose it is my fault we're late, but she really wasn't complaining five minutes ago. _It's an act; _I have to tell myself this over and over again as Katie goes off on a tirade. It's just an act. A very good one that makes her sound like the shallow bitch she used to be back when we were kids. My post sex happy hormones soon die off as a young woman walks out of the kitchen and takes Emily's hand in her own.

She has short dark blonde hair that has been chopped in messy layers and falls over her face, almost covering one of her eyes. She's a few inches taller than me and towers over Emily. She's quite skinny, with the build of a runner, and I hate to admit it, but despite being pretty flat chested and resembling a teenage boy, she's actually quite cute. I hate her already.

"Hey gorgeous." Her lips curl in to a smile, the stud just below her lower lip shines in the light along with the many piercings in her ears. She kisses Emily on the cheek, just a chaste peck in front of her friends and then her eyes land on me and Katie. Her smile widens. "You must be Katie. I've heard a lot about you." I'm biting my tongue, holding back a scathing comment about Katie obviously being Katie; I'm hardly going to be Emily's twin am I? "Sorry, I don't think I know your name. I'm Jennifer." She turns her smile on me and I don't miss the way Emily clings to her hand just a little more tightly.  
"Naomi." I inform her and something flashes in her eyes as she takes me in.  
"Of course you are." She replies somewhat cryptically and I guess she's heard plenty about me too. She puts an arm around Emily's waist as she kisses her cheek again and it takes everything in me not to roll my eyes at them. She might as well just go piss in the corner and mark her territory.

"Naomi, Katie!" Laura pops her head out of the kitchen door with a wide eyed smile, Albert hanging off her hip. "Wine?" The tension seems to melt a little as Katie rushes forward and takes Albert from her, spinning him around before pulling him in for a tight hug.  
"Gnomey!" He grins at me as Katie hands him over and his chubby little arms wrap around my neck. I get a brief hug before he goes back to Katie, who he will probably be glued to until he goes to bed.

"Naomi, can you give me a hand in the kitchen, please?" Laura asks me since Katie's got her hands full with Albert. So while the others disappear in to the living room I follow Laura in to the kitchen. Effy's already sitting at the table and hands me a large glass of wine which I'm more than grateful for.  
"I told Katie I loved her." I'm pretty sure this is neither the time nor the place to admit that to Katie's two closest friends, but I'm already keeping so much to myself that I have to admit s_omething_to someone; Anyone.

I fucking hate Jennifer. The green eyed monster reared its ugly head the moment she put her hands on Emily and seeing someone else's arm around the youngest Fitch felt like someone had physically punched me full force in the gut. I can't admit my jealousy, because even I don't fully understand it, so I admit something I'm a little clearer on; if only marginally.

Effy's response to this bombshell is to top my wine glass back up, while Lara looks torn between comforting me and keeping an eye on the pasta she's got cooking on the stove. Grabbing a wooden spoon out of the drawer she multitasks by stirring the pasta whilst lecturing me on the ways of Katie Fitch. "Katie's crazy about you Naomi, she has been for-" Effy noisily clears her throat, cutting Lara off mid-sentence.  
"It's ok guys, she told me." I let out a heavy sigh as I help myself to more wine. "She's fancied me for years." My tone isn't cocky or arrogant; I'm simply stating a fact.

Effy scoffs at me, wearing that all knowing smirk like she's omniscient, though she thankfully keeps her thoughts to herself. Well her thoughts on me and Katie at least. "So…Jen!" She says the woman's name in a perky tone that is so unlike Effy's normal voice that I end up snorting my wine. Lara laughs too and I'm glad I'm not the only one who's taking an instant dislike to Jen. We're all still laughing when the kitchen door opens and Emily walks in. "Emily!" Effy says her name in that same perky tone and Lara has to hide her laugh with a cough.

"Looks like I'm missing the real party." Emily comments a little dryly as she fills up three wine glasses. She tries to carry them, but she's struggling.  
"Here." I take one of the glasses, knowing it's for Katie anyway and follow her in to the living room. I hand the wine glass over to Katie, who's sitting cross legged on the floor with Albert, helping him to colour in pictures in a colouring book.  
"You're going over the lines." I point out with a smirk, momentarily forgetting that we've got an audience.  
"I'm Katie Fitch… I colour outside the lines." She says it with such a serious face that I can't help but giggle. She smirks back at me and this is how it's supposed to be between us, easy; not an endless argument for the sake of show.

I take a seat on the sofa behind her, because it's either sit there next to JJ and Cook or sit on the opposite sofa with Emily and Jen. We all sit there staring awkwardly between each other, Albert's oblivious to all the grown up weirdness and in turn distracts Katie from it. We all wait for someone else to say something, but no one does. I'm not going to be the one to start a conversation so I sit playing with my phone until Effy pops her head in the door and mercifully announces that dinner is ready.

There are too many of us for the table so we sit scattered around the living room with our plates on our knees. Thankfully Lara's conversational skills are better than mine and she manages to draw some small talk out of us while we eat. "So Jen, how do you know Emily?" She asks with a polite smile, like she's actually interested and not just fishing for gossip. A big grin spreads over the other girl's face as she puts an arm around Emily's waist and places a kiss to her cheek. "We've been flat mates since last year. My charm finally wore her down and she agreed to a date." She winks and I feel my grip on my fork becoming painfully tight. "She hasn't been able to get rid of me since."  
"I know the feeling." Lara chuckles like they're old friends as she squeezes JJ's hand. The curly haired young man looks up from his plate, oblivious as ever.

Emily looks a little uncomfortable as she quietly carries on eating, her gaze flitting my way. I hold it for a second before I look away, down at my own plate. I wonder if Katie will still drive me home if I say I'm going straight after dinner? Albert's still awake though and I doubt she'll leave before the little guy has gone to bed. After everyone's finished and Lara and JJ clear the plates away Katie declares she's going to bath Albert and put him to bed. With Lara and JJ cleaning up in the kitchen that just leaves me, Emily, Jen and Cook alone in the living room. Talk about awkward.

I'm tempted to ask Cook for some pills, maybe some MDMA to try and take the edge off, but even I know that's a bad idea. Historically a mixture of MDMA and Fitch twins never ends well for me. "So what is it you do at uni then Naomi?" Jen starts trying to make small talk, trying to be the bigger person and ignore the fact that I'm her girlfriend's ex. It makes me hate her all the more. I answer her to be polite and ask the obligatory question in return, though I only half listen to her response, nodding at the appropriate times as she rabbits on about her Psychology course.

Emily remains quite, curled up against Jen's side, her head resting on her shoulder as she stares down in to her empty wine glass. "Refill?" I ask as I down what's left in my own glass. I swear one of these days my liver's just going to curl up and die in a corner somewhere. Emily finally looks up at me and nods, a small smile playing on her full lips. Katie's lips are fuller of course. They have more of a pout to them.  
"Thanks." Emily offers up her glass for me, and as I take it our hands touch and I almost drop the damn glass. Emily holds my gaze for a second, biting her lip and somehow I don't think her girlfriend would like to know what's running through her head right now. I don't think Katie would like to know what's going on in mine either. _Fuck._

I'm trying not to think about Emily like that anymore, I really am; but it's not like I can just flip a switch and forget all about what we had. It would be easier if she was at my throat, screaming and shouting at me, but she's not. We actually got on ok last night at the pub, though a copious amount of drugs probably helped. I think I'm in love with Katie, but I _know _how long I've loved Emily for.

My hands shake as I pick up the wine bottle from the kitchen bench and pour out two full glasses for me and Emily. A firm hand covers my own and guides the bottle back down to the bench as an arm wraps around my waist and the small girl cuddles in to me from behind. Her head rests on my shoulder as she presses her lips to my cheek. I put my hands over hers around my waist and let out a heavy sigh. "You were right. I….I still have feelings for her." I hear Katie take a sharp breath. She tries to pull away but my hands are firm on her wrists, keeping her arms wrapped around me. I've already lost Emily. I think it would kill me to lose Katie too; but if I carry on lying to her I'm going to lose her anyway. "But you're the one I want Katie. I swear." I turn to look at her and cup her face in my hands, begging her to believe me.

She looks at me with her big brown eyes and all I can see are the honey coloured flecks that make them so different from Emily's. She turns her head in to my hand, nuzzling her cheek in to it as she places her hand over mine and sighs. "I don't do second best Naomi… So if you want Emily, tell me now, yeah? Because if we carry on with whatever this thing is, and you choose her over me…I swear to god I will fucking kill you." In her own fucked up way I think Katie Fitch is telling me she loves me back and despite the threat I'm smiling like an idiot at her. My thumb traces her cheek and her resolve begins to falter as I lean forward and kiss her.

"I choose you." My words are somewhere between a confession and a promise; a promise I can't afford to keep. Telling the truth about my feelings for Emily seems to be working better than lying to her, so from now on honesty is definitely the best policy. I try to use it to my advantage. "Can we please go now?" I bite my lip, praying she'll say yes. I want to get out of here right now. I don't want to just grab five minutes with her in the back of her car on the way home. It's been days since I've woken up cuddled in to her, content and exhausted from a night of great sex. I miss that. Miss her.

"You could stay over tonight…just tell Emily you're seeing a guy or something…please Katie?" Her lips curl up in to a smile as she kisses me again, one of her hands wandering lower than my waist. Then she pulls away.  
"Nope." She answers with a smirk as she pulls away from my grasp. "You lied to me about Ems. You want a sleepover? I suggest you work damn hard to get back in my good books Campbell." She gives me a teasing peck on the cheek before she flounces out, taking my glass of wine with her.

Katie Fitch is a complete bitch…and I'm in love with her.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Apologies for the lack of updates for a while. I had an accident at work, again, and crushed my hand, again, so haven't been doing much writing. It's on the mend now though and I have another week off work so should be able to update regularly again. Once again a big thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing.**

**Also a few people have asked about a chapter in Katie's POV. I've been toying with the idea for a while, but I've decided to write an accompanying piece from Katie's view, it was going to be on the end of this story but it's already like 10k so I'll probably do it as a separate fic.**

"It's late. I'm gonna go. Can I still get that lift Katie?" I hold out as long as I can, but a little after ten I finally crack. I'm sick of playing nice with Emily and her new girlfriend and getting hacky looks from Katie. I need some time alone with her, to talk things through properly. Or as she puts it, '_get back in her good books'. _Well I've got a pretty good plan to do just that if she'll agree to stay the night with me. A simple yet effective plan that will put a smile on even Katie Fitch's face.

"Why don't we all go? It'll save Katie making two trips?" Emily suggests and suddenly it's the best laid plans of mice and men and all that crap. I want to throw her a tenner and tell her to take a taxi back, but somehow I think that might cause the slightest bit of suspicion so I keep my mouth shut for a change. My house is closer to Lara and JJ's than Katie's, so if we all get in the car I'll be the first one to be dropped off and I won't have any chance of convincing Katie to stay over at mine tonight. This night just keeps getting worse, like a nightmare that is never going to end.

"Actually I'll take you guys back to mine first, then come back for Naomi. I'm meeting Niko later, he lives close to her."  
"Who the fuck's Niko?" Emily asks the question I can't and Katie rolls her eyes, like Emily should already know the answer.  
"He's only the fittest fucking male model in Bristol!" It's amazing how she does that, reverts to her old self in the blink of an eye. Even I'm half convinced by her little act. If there really is a Niko I'm going to be pissed. "I'm not planning on sharing a bed with Effy again tonight." There _really _better be no male model.

"Wouldn't be the first time, right Katie?" There's something about the way Emily and Katie have been lately that's been bugging me, and Emily's current tone isn't helping. I get the feeling she knows about what went on between Katie and Effy last year. I'll have to ask Katie about it later when we're alone. For now I play dumb and pretend to miss the glare Katie sends her sister's way.  
"Are you fucking coming or what?" Katie snaps as she picks up her purse and fishes out her house keys. "I'll pick you and Cook up in ten minutes, try and be ready this time." She turns her sour tone on me before flouncing out of the room.

Emily, Jen and Effy say their goodbyes to the rest of us and I'm left with Cook and Lara while JJ sees to Albert who's woke up and started crying. "Is it just me or is Katie a bit tense tonight?" I'm in no mood for Cook's wise cracks and glare at him, hoping he'll get the message and shut up.  
"Can't exactly blame her." Lara's comment catches me off guard and her tone is about as warm as Katie's was. It's the last straw and I snap.  
"Okay, I get it! I'm screwing her fucking life up!"

"What?" Lara looks startled by my outburst and then horrified. "No, I didn't mean you, Naomi! I meant Emily; she's been on Katie's case since she caught her with Effy last year." Cook looks mildly uncomfortable at the mention of Katie and Effy fucking. He's always had a soft spot for Effy, I think it's some twisted sense of honour to Freddie's memory that he hasn't tried to shag her again.  
"She caught them?" Katie hadn't told me that bit. I can imagine what Emily's face would have looked like when she found out her twin was bi. She made Emily's life hell when she came out; mine too. I think I understand why Emily's been so frosty with her since she turned up. Lara looks torn between answering me and protecting her friend. I guess she's wondering the same thing I am right now; why didn't Katie tell me?

"Effy was pretty fucked up back then, and Katie wasn't much better. From what Katie told me they hooked up after Freddie's anniversary. Emily came home from uni early, she had a key and she walked in on them. She didn't take it too well."  
"Understatement." Cook laughs and lets out a low whistle. "Red went nuts! Her and Katie almost killed each other; Ef had to call me to come separate them!"  
"_Cook_." Lara chastises him in the same tone she would Albert. To me she says, "Katie said they put it behind them, but you've seen how they are…"  
"Just wait till Emilio finds out you and Katie are-"  
"Cook!" We both snap at him and he has the good grace to fall silent.

He's right though, if Emily finds out about us it will take a lot more than Cook to separate her and Katie. Thankfully I don't have long to dwell on this as Katie walks back in to the living room. She looks more than a little preoccupied and she's too quiet for my liking. Before I can ask if she's ok she sit down on my lap. Her arms wrap around my neck as her head finds my shoulder and she lets out a sigh only I can hear. I freeze, not sure what I'm meant to do with Lara and Cook looking at us. Even though they already know about us, she's never been this public with me before. One of her hands finds my hair and begins playing with it as she kisses my neck. I can't fight it anymore and my own arms wrap around her waist in return. "Ready to go?" She nods at me and gets back to her feet.

Cook declines the offer of a lift so once we've said our goodbyes it's just me and Katie climbing in to her car. "So…there's no Niko, right?" I ask, hating myself for giving her the upper hand and showing her I'm jealous. She finally cracks a smile as she puts the car in gear and then places her hand on my knee.  
"Oh, there's a Niko, and he really is the fittest male model in Bristol." Her eyes are mischievous as she gives my knee a squeeze. "But he's very gay, and besides, I've had a better offer." It's nice to see her smiling again, so I don't push her on whatever's going on with Emily. It can wait.

It's only as I walk in through my front door that I remember mum and Kieran are home. She walks out of the living room to greet me just as Katie walks through the door. "Hello love, hello Katie." Despite mum's reservations about me spending so much time with Katie she offers the oldest twin a genuine smile. Something in me relaxes a little bit as Katie says hello back and mum asks her if she wants some hot chocolate.  
"I'd love some Mrs Campbell."  
"Oh please, call me Gina." Mum insists as she ushers Katie in to the kitchen. I offer her an amused smile as she shoots me a look over her shoulder. I think she expected us to go straight up to my room, admittedly that was my plan too, but mum has a bad habit of taking an interest in my life at the worst possible moments.

Mum is less than subtle as she probes Katie, asking her what she's been doing since college and how her parents are. It's mindless small talk, but it's nice she's making an effort. She's not the only one. Katie has always been a people person and despite being tired and cranky from arguing with Emily she slowly charms my mum over a cup of hot chocolate. I think if she'd been anyone other than Emily's sister mum wouldn't have batted an eyelid at how close I'm getting to her. She's been trying to encourage me to date for ages. But Katie is Emily's sister, and there's not much any of us can do about that.

When we finally escape from mum I lead Katie upstairs to my room and close the door behind us. It's been a long night and I'm more than ready for bed. When I flop down on to my bed Katie follows suit and curls up beside me with her head resting on my chest. "What are you doing tomorrow?" I quiz, hoping to get a day to ourselves. It'd be nice to spend some time with Katie and not have to worry about putting on an act.  
"Mum wants us to spend the day with her and Dad." Katie sighs. Of course it's too much to ask for one day on our own. "We're going to see my gran, one fun Fitch family day out. We won't be back till the day after."  
"Is Jen going too?" I was lucky to get an invite to dinner with the Fitches never mind a family day out. I feel Katie stiffen beside me and my arms wrap around her automatically.  
"No, she's not. She's staying at mine with Eff…and I've got a favour to ask-"  
"No!" I snap, knowing exactly what she's about to ask. "No way!"  
"Come on Naomi! It's just one night! Jen doesn't know anyone and I don't want to leave Eff alone so soon after Freddie's-"  
"Fine." I give in. Apart from guilt tripping me she has the fingers of one hand running along my stomach, sending tingles shooting up and down my spine.

I turn my head and catch her lips in a soft, almost lazy, kiss. We lie like this for a bit, fully clothed on top of the covers and just kissing, as much as I want to take things further there are a few things we need to talk about and I don't think they can wait much longer. I bite my lip as I pull away. "You didn't tell me Emily knew about you and Effy." I try to keep my tone light. "Lara said…she said you and Emily weren't speaking for a while over it."  
"Yeah, Ems was pissed." Katie suddenly finds the hem of my top fascinating as she toys with it and her gaze drops. "But it wasn't about me being bi, or whatever, she was mad I give her such a hard time when she came out…but that's not why we stopped speaking." I feel a lump forming in my throat as she refuses to meet my eyes.  
"Then why?"

"We were arguing…she said some stuff and I said some stuff back." Katie shrugs like it's no big deal, but I know she's holding something back. She tries to distract me with a carefully placed hand on the inside of my thigh. I've got something else on my mind though and her little distraction isn't going to work. I put my hand over hers and lace our fingers together; reassuring her I'll listen to whatever she has to say.  
"What stuff?"

She sighs and rolls on to her back, staring up at the cracks on my ceiling while keeping hold of my hand. "She said the reason I was such a bitch to you and her was because I was jealous…she meant I was jealous of how happy she was…but she looked at me and she just knew…she just knew…" Her grip on my hand tightens just that little bit more as she squeezes her eyes shut. "She didn't speak to me for months."

Emily knows. Oh god, she knows Katie fancies me. No wonder they've been so frosty around each other. "Does she know about us?" I choke out, fearing that I've once again gone and hurt Emily Fitch in the worst possible way.  
"No." Katie shakes her head and the way she barks that single word tells me that Emily finding out about us is the last thing she wants. It's one of the few things we can both agree on at least. Whatever's going on between the two of us has to stay exactly that way, just between us; and Cook, Effy, Lara and JJ. I roll on to my side and lean over Katie, pressing my lips to her cheek in silent acknowledgement that we can make this work, somehow. I try not to think about the fact that we'll be living in different cities in three weeks time. "It'd kill her if she knew!" Katie looks up at me with wide pleading eyes, and despite everything that's gone on between them she's still protecting her twin.  
"She won't find out." I sigh in to her hair as I kiss the top of her head. She's not the only one who doesn't want to hurt Emily. We lie cuddled up together and for once it isn't about sex. We're not tearing each other's clothes off or trying to one up each other, it's enough to just finally be alone together. Not that I'd ever turn sex with Katie down of course.

"Do you have to go to your gran's?" I whine, not looking forward to babysitting Emily's new girlfriend tomorrow.  
"No…_ you _can tell my mum I'm not going." Katie laughs at the expression I pull in response to that as she laces our fingers together and kisses my frowning lips. I'd rather not have that particular conversation with Jenna Fitch; or any conversation at all actually.  
"Could I just phone her? From like Cuba? Would that work?" Katie giggles again and shakes her head at me as I lean in for another kiss. Our lips linger for longer this time and I think it might be going somewhere, but when Katie pulls away I can tell there's something troubling her.  
"We're never going to be able to tell anyone about this are we?"

I'm not even sure either of us know what 'this' is. I mean just a few weeks ago we wouldn't have been able to stand being in the same room as each other; well I wouldn't have been able to stand it. It's weird, knowing now that Katie's fancied me for ages. That all the times she's called me names or spread rumours about me, it's because she wanted my attention. I've been wondering lately, what would have happened if it'd been Katie I'd fallen for, not Emily? Would I still have gone with Sophia? I'd been terrified by how overwhelming everything had been with Emily the summer I finally stopped fighting how I felt about her. Sometimes Emily would look at me with those big brown eyes, like I was the most important person on the planet; like I could do no wrong. That's a huge responsibility and I guess it was only a matter of time before I went and fucked everything up. It's not like that with Katie though. She knows how fucked up I am; she's not the ever hopeful optimist like Emily. It's easier to be with Katie, because she's not expecting the world from me. Or at least, up until now, I didn't think she was.

"We could…if you wanted." I shrug my shoulders and my voice comes out quiet and unsure. I'm not really certain of what I want, except I know it somehow includes Katie.  
"What?" She frowns at me and sits up, her expression just as unsure as mine. "What are you talking about?"  
"I dunno, if you like, wanted to tell your mum or something?" I really don't know what I'm saying right now. If her mum found out about us then she'd hunt me down and kill me. No word of a lie, Jenna Fitch would murder me and bury me under her flowerbeds; despite that I feel like I need to know that this, whatever it is, is going somewhere, and I think the only way we can even try to delude ourselves in to thinking that we have a future is if we face the very real and horrifying truth that we're one day going to have to tell Jenna; and Emily.

"What if I asked you to do it tomorrow?" Katie's gaze is intense as she climbs on to my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. Her skirt slides up again and distracts me from the question. She catches me looking at the softly tanned skin of her thighs and leans in to nip at my bottom lip to get my attention. "Naomi? What if I asked you to tell my mum we were fucking? Tomorrow."  
"Why not right now?" I shoot back with a cocky smirk, I'm pretty sure she has no intentions of actually telling her mum she's fucking me, she's just testing me for my reaction. "Only I'd put it a little more tastefully than 'I'm fucking your daughter'."  
"Oh? Like what?" She doesn't take me up on my offer to tell her mum now, but as she rolls her hips there's a mischievous smirk on her face. "You're making love to me?"  
"God no!" I roll my eyes at her and her smirk doesn't falter until I answer. "I'll tell her I'm sexing you up."  
"Sexing me up? What are you twelve?" She explodes in to laughter and the mood turns a lot lighter as I steal another kiss from her. My hand slips under her skirt, and I will definitely be sexing Katie Fitch up tonight.

I'm certainly not twelve anymore.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry this chapter took forever. I just haven't been able to write anything for this lately and I didn't just want to post something I wasn't happy with for the sake of updating! Once again a big thanks to everyone who's reading this and of course for the awesome reviews :)  
**

Katie wakes up ridiculously early in the mornings, usually that's not a bad thing, because she ends up waking me up to have morning sex, which ranks right up there along with afternoon sex, night time sex and pretty much _any _sex with Katie Fitch at _any_ time of the day. Of course I'd never admit that to Katie, I'd never hear the end of it. This morning however she has to be up early to get to her gran's and sex is the last thing on her mind. "Where's my fucking shirt? I'm going to be fucking late!" She stomps around my room like a bear with a sore head. My mood isn't much better knowing I've promised to spend the day with Effy and Jen.  
"Well I'm not fucking wearing it am I? Borrow one of mine, you've got to go home and change anyway."  
"Like I want to wear one of your ugly arse flowery shirts!" She sneers at me and she is in one seriously bad mood.

Not long ago I would have snapped back at her, started an argument that would have escalated to World War III; except now I know that ninety percent of the time Katie Fucking Fitch is just putting on a front, she doesn't want to spend the day at her grans with Emily so she's taking it out on me. Instead of indulging in her game I start one of my own; I catch hold of the back of her skirt and pull her down on to my lap. She yelps as she falls backwards and my arms wrap around her waist, stopping her from getting back up when she struggles to. She still hasn't found her top so my fingers brush against the bare skin of her stomach as my lips find her collarbone. "I'm fucking late!" She huffs, but with a lot less malice and urgency in her voice as she turns her head to catch my lips.

"Yup, but you clearly woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Let me fix that for you." I pull her down so she's lying on top of me in my bed and she starts giggling in to my mouth as I kiss her. As much as Katie can be a bitch, these are the moments when it seems worth it. My fingers are working on the zip at the back of her skirt but she pulls away from me, biting my lip when I try to kiss her again. Yes, because _that's _going to stop me from wanting to rip her clothes off.  
"I'm late babes. And I still need to go home and shower."  
"You could always shower here? I'll even scrub your back for you?" I suggest with a mischievous smirk as I get to my feet and try to slip my hand under her skirt. For a second I think she's going for it, but then she slaps my hand away.  
"You're a fucking nympho Campbell!"  
"Only with you."

She rolls her eyes at me but I get a kiss anyway. "Fuck off you soppy twat." I'm pretty sure that's Katie speak for _love you too_, and if it's not then I don't care. I'll take it anyway. We're not exactly a conventional couple, but I think Katie would be boring if she wasn't at least at tiny bit of a neurotic bitch, so I'll just have to take the good with the bad. "Don't forget you're meeting Effy and Jen for lunch. And make sure you stay over with Effy tonight!" That would be the bad then. "It's only one fucking night Naomi, you'll live. Besides..." She pauses as she finally locates her top and pulls it over her head. "I'll be back tomorrow."  
"That's if you and Emily don't kill each other." I pout, wanting nothing more than to climb back in to bed and take Katie with me. Sadly it doesn't happen though and all I get is a quick peck on the lips.  
"Ems and I fight all the time. We're both still breathing."

I'm still amazed by that fact seeing as Katie told Emily she fancied me. Ems might be timid compared to her older twin, but get on her bad side and she's like a little fucking Jack Russell, she'll go straight for the throat, exactly the same as Katie. "Call me later, yeah?"  
"If I'm not too busy throttling Ems."

When Katie leaves I have a few hours before I have to meet Effy so I climb back in to bed and pull the covers over my head. I'm almost back to sleep when I hear a knock at the front door. Mum squeals from downstairs as she greets whoever it is and I roll my eyes as I drag myself out of bed to go investigate. It's only as I get to the bottom of the stairs and see Emily standing there that I think I should have put some clothes on. I'm standing in a vest and a pair of boy shorts. It's weird; Emily's seen me completely naked more times than anyone else in the world, even my own mother, yet I can't help but feel awkward standing there in my underwear in front of her. "Hey, I just popped in to see your mum…and well, you too." She sheepishly looks anywhere but at me and it just makes it all the more awkward.  
"I thought you and Katie were going to your grans?" My voice comes out more choked than I would like, but it's hard to talk to her when I was fucking her sister on the stairs behind me only a couple of days ago.

"We are. Katie's driving me up, she just got back from whoever's bed she spent the night in." Emily laughs as she rolls her eyes and I feel the knot in my stomach tighten, like someone's tied my insides in a pretty bow and pulled it tight. "We didn't really get a chance to talk last night…"  
"I'm not being rude Ems, but can I go put some pants on?" I gesture back up the stairs, already flustered.  
"I'll just be a minute." Emily stops my retreat as she takes hold of my arm. I freeze, trying to ignore the sparks I feel at her touch. It's not some renewed burst of love; it's simply what was left over from loving someone so much for so many years. I get that now. I will always love Emily Fitch, she will always be my first, but I'm just not _in_love with her anymore. "I just wanted to say, I get it." I have no idea what she's talking about, but I'm praying we're not still talking about Katie.

"I was with this girl last year, we were getting really close and I was scared that I was gonna lose her…so I fucked somebody else. It was stupid and it didn't mean anything… but I get it now, why you did what you did." She lets go of my arm and folds her arms across her chest, shrinking in on herself as she waits for me to say something. I don't exactly know what to say to her. It would be so much easier if she still hated me, but she's standing there and not just offering me forgiveness but making excuses for what I did. "I should go; do me a favour and don't be too much of a bitch to Jen."  
"When am I ever a bitch?" I finally find my voice and she just laughs at me as she leans in and presses her lips to my cheek again.  
"Just play nice, please?"

"I will if you will." I reply and she looks confused. I try to tread carefully, to avoid arousing her suspicion. "Katie. I know you two haven't been getting on-"  
"You don't know the half of it." Emily huffs. "I caught her fucking Effy last year… Then she tells me she's been fucking girls since she was fourteen! I mean, she made my life fucking hell for coming out! And yours! You two seem pretty close..." She bites her lip as she looks up at me, waiting for me to react to the news of Katie's indiscretions. If she suspects anything she isn't going to come right out and say it.  
"We're friends." I shrug at her, not trusting myself to say anything else for fear of what might slip out of my mouth.  
"What about us?" She catches me off guard with the question and I get the feeling she's not just asking about our friendship.  
"We can be friends."  
"I'd like that."

When Emily goes I finally get to go back upstairs and put some clothes. I spend the morning working on ideas for the dissertation I've got to do next year for my course. I get distracted easily though and keep texting Katie. Eventually she texts me back informing me she's driving and she'll call me when she doesn't have Emily sitting right beside her. Frustrated I toss my books aside and decide to have a shower and get ready to meet Effy in town. We're meeting in the Weatherspoons pub and when I turn up just after one Effy's already sitting with a drink in front of her. I order a coke and take a seat beside her and Jen. Emily's girlfriend is a little too preoccupied talking to the girl on the table beside ours to notice me though. She's biting her lip as the big chested blonde girl starts laughing at something she's said. "Hi Jen." I raise my voice to catch her attention and she turns around to face me with a lazy smile on her lips. This girl's a player, no doubt about it.  
"Hey Naomi. We were beginning to think you weren't going to show." I'm about four and a half minutes late. She's fucking lucky I showed at all. If it weren't for Katie asking me to babysit Effy I'd still be in bed right now. Instead I'm stuck here playing nice with Jen and waiting for Katie to call me back. I swear would it fucking kill her to pull over and call me? Even a fucking text would be nice.

"You're thinking about Katie aren't you?" Effy asks me once Jen goes up to the bar and we get a minute alone.  
"How'd you know?" I grumble back at her as I slump forward in my seat and start playing with the salt shaker on the table.  
"Because you're always thinking about her." Effy smirks at me and I flip her off. She's right though. Katie's all I've thought about in weeks. If I'm this grumpy because I'm not going to see her for a day then god help my flatmates when I'm back in London and won't know when I'll next see her.

Jen comes back to the table and Effy starts talking to her while I carry on playing with the salt shaker, pouring the salt on to the table and drawing patterns in it as I think about what's going to happen when I go back to school in September. It's only a few hours on the train to Bristol but I'm in my last year and I've got my dissertation to work on, placements to think about, networking for jobs…

Katie's getting more publicity for her work too, she's been offered more shoots abroad and she's working on another exhibition. I'm not sure how much time we're actually going to have for each other when the summer is over. "Naomi, are you ok?" Jen snaps me out of my wallowing and I frown as I look up and see both her and Effy staring at me.  
"I'm fine." My voice comes out more choked than I expected.  
"You're crying."  
"I've got to…I've…" My chair falls over as I get to my feet and stumble out of the pub. I collapse on the stairs outside and pull my knees up to my chest as I start sobbing. The reality that I'm going back to London soon has come crashing down around me. It's always been there, in the back of my mind, but for some reason it's just suddenly sunk in.

"Hey." Effy sits beside me on the steps and sparks up. She offers me a cigarette from her pack but I shake my head and sigh in to my hands. She takes a draw of her tab and the smoke blows my way. I can't remember the last time I had a smoke. Katie hates it, and I think I've been subconsciously quitting for the last couple of weeks because of it.  
"I feel like I'm fucking cracking up here Eff."  
"Preaching to the choir." She cracks that little smirk at me and I can't help but laugh. My problems are fucking tiny compared to what she's been through. "Love makes you crazy Naomi. Be careful, yeah?  
"I'm in love with my ex-girlfriend's twin sister…what's the worst that could happen? Besides Jenna Fitch finding out and hunting me down?" I try to crack a joke but I feel the tears stinging in my eyes again.

"I'd worry about Emily." Effy slips an arm around my shoulders and rests her head against mine. "So Jen's clearly eye-fucking those girls behind us. Think we should tell Ems her new girl's a bitch?"  
"It's none of my business." I shrug, not wanting to get in the middle of that particular domestic. Somehow I don't think Emily's going to want to hear about how I'm suspicious of her new girlfriend. Pot, kettle, black and all the rest of it. "She's probably humping the fucking waiter as we speak."

"The waiter's cute." Effy observes and I finally manage a laugh. I bite my lip as I turn to look at her. She's smiling but it doesn't reach her eyes. I remember sitting with her like this in the hospital all those years ago, except I'd been losing my mind over losing Emily back then. I never imagined a time when I wouldn't be in love with Emily anymore, when I wouldn't fall apart without her in my life. Now I can't imagine not having Katie.  
"Do you think you'll ever fall in love again?" It's a shit question and totally the wrong thing to ask her. I can see the anguish on her face but she doesn't let it linger for long. It pulls at something inside of me though and for a second I'm afraid what her answer might be. Then her smirk returns and she takes my hand with a squeeze, ignoring my question all together.  
"Let's go back inside."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Once again a big thanks to everyone who's reading and for the amazing reviews for this and This Despondent Heart! I've managed to update a little quicker, it probably helps that I know how I'm ending this now and the last two chapters have been written; I just need to fill in everything in between now.  
**

If there's one thing I've learnt over the years it's this: alcohol cures everything! From my shit mood to my dislike of Jen, copious amounts of hard liquor over the course of the afternoon seems to have cured my hatred of Emily's new girlfriend and I end up with her hands on my hips as we dance in a crowed club. Katie still hasn't called me yet, even though she should have got to her gran's hours of go and Effy's off somewhere by the bar getting free drinks off losers who think they're good enough to get her attention. Despite the fact that I'm constantly fighting the urge to call Katie I'm actually having a good time. That is until Jen's lips find their way to my ear as she pulls me flush against her. "You know I can see why Emily liked you babe…you're fit as fuck." Ok, so I'm not drunk enough for _this!_

I shove her hands away from me and turn around to glare at her, but she's already holding her hands up in mock surrender. "Naomi, come on, I was just saying-"  
"Well don't!" I shout over the screech of the music and turn my back on her as I go off in search of Effy. I'm halfway to the bar when my phone goes off in my pocket, vibrating against my leg. I change course and head for the front door, fighting my way through the throng of people who are out tonight. I yank my phone out as soon as I'm out the door and I'm greeted by the voice of an irritated Katie Fitch; which in my life is nothing new.  
"About fucking time!"

I'm still reeling from Jen trying to feel me up and all my intoxicated mind can register is that Katie's the one who's late in calling in the first place. I'm only out here with Emily's handsy girlfriend because I promised Katie I'd babysit Jen and Effy; just like she promised to call. "Likewise. I thought you were calling as soon as Emily wasn't with you?" My tone is harsh and just as irritated as hers.  
"I'm at my grandma's Naomi; I've got mum and Ems following me like fucking shadows. I had to say I was going to the shops just to call you, and even then I had fucking James wanting to come with me. You're fucking lucky I could call at all!" Lucky. Yeah that's me. Ifeel real lucky right now. I'm being hit on by my ex's new girlfriend, who is a bitch, and _my_ girlfriend is miles away and about two seconds away from hanging up on me.  
"Look I'm sorry…I just…" I think about telling her about Jen but change my mind. She'll just kick off and if she tells Emily she could make things ten times worse. "I miss you." It's not like I'm lying. I do miss her, a lot; too much. This is going to fucking kill me when we're back to living in separate cities.

"I miss you too baby." Her voice softens and I relax against the nearest wall, sparking up a tab with my free hand. I take a long draw from the cigarette, letting the smoke fill my lungs. I'd just about giving up over the last few weeks, but Katie's not here to nag me about it so I take another drag as she tells me about how bored she is at her gran's house. James is doing her head in and Emily's barely speaking to her. Nothing new there then.  
"So drive back. Like, right now." I grin as I hear her laughing on the other end of the phone before she lets out a frustrated sigh.  
"I wish I could babes, believe me. How are things with Eff and Jen?"  
"Fine." I lie, not wanting to piss her off by telling her that Jen has been eye-fucking every woman she's laid her eyes on tonight, not to mention the ones she's put her hands on. "I can't wait till you get back. Can we maybe go out tomorrow? Just the two of us?"  
"Finally going to take me on that date Campbell?"

I can practically hear the smile on her face and I forget all about Jen and Effy and Emily and the rest of the world as my own lips curl up. "Yeah. Wherever you want to go, whatever you want to do…"  
"You." Katie purrs down the phone and my eyes roll to the back of my head as I bite my lip. "I just want to do you, right now- Fuck, James is coming. Sorry babes, I'll see you tomorrow." She hangs up on me and I'm left cursing James Fitch and his horrible timing.

I make my way back in to the club and head straight to the bar for a stiff drink. It's only as I catch sight of the blonde behind the bar that I realise we're in the same club that Cook dragged me out to my first night back in Bristol. The night I first looked at Katie and saw more than just Emily's twin. I order my drink and the blonde starts coming on to me again. She's obviously forgotten all about me, I'm just another girl in the crowd, someone she might get a fuck from; except I'm not single now and I don't even make eye contact as I take my drink and hand over the right money so she hasn't got the excuse of getting me change to talk to me. She looks a little crestfallen but soon moves on to the next girl waiting to be served.

I make my way a little further down the bar where I find Effy sitting on one of the bar stools, her chin resting on her hand as she idly stirs her drink with a straw. She looks a million miles away and she's been quiet all day. Ever since I asked her if she was in love with anyone. I've had this sinking feeling deep in my stomach ever since and as I slide up on the chair beside her I know I need to hear her answer, to either confirm or castoff my suspicions. I start with something lighter though, hoping to get her to talk to me. "Jen just tried it on." The music isn't as loud over here and I don't need to shout to be heard. She slowly nods, her eyes scanning the crowd for the girl in question. She's grinding against some skank who's clearly going for the award for the shortest dress possible.

Her eyes are dark and glazed over as she sneers. "You should tell Emily what she's like."  
"No thanks." I shake my head and try for a smile. "I think I'm the last person Emily wants to hear that from."  
"You really fucked her up you know." The conversation isn't exactly going where I expected it to but I know she's only telling the truth so I nod as I stare in to my drink.  
"Yeah, I know. That's why I don't think I should be the one to tell her that the girl she's in love with is trying it on with everything that has a pulse."  
"She's not in love with her." Effy states like she's telling me the time. She's probably right; Effy's a good judge of character and she often sees a lot more than the rest of us. It also helps me bring up my next question to her.

"Eff, you know when I asked you if you could ever love someone-"  
"No." She answers plainly, no air of mystery of trademark smirk as she picks up her drink, her gaze still distant. "I could never love another boy, not after Freddie." She looks pained and I feel bad for bringing it up, but I can't quite help but notice that she says 'another boy', like she could maybe love a girl. Like she maybe _is_ in love with a girl; and there's only one person I can think of that she could be in love with, one girl who is constantly by her side, someone she's fucked before; twice.  
"Effy are you in love with-"  
"I lied." I don't get the chance to ask my question as she interrupts me and I'm not sure if it's a stalling tactic or not, but what she says next makes me forget all about whether she's in love with my sort of girlfriend or not. "I have slept with Emily."

My mind goes blank; my blood is boiling and all I can feel is a searing hot anger rising up in my throat, threatening to spill out in the form of a string of four letter words. As if her confession is no big deal Effy carries on, nodding towards Jen. "You should tell Emily what Jen's been up to; she'll believe you."  
"When?" I choke out and it has nothing to do with Jen.  
"You should talk to Emily about that too." She tries to avoid my question as she stands up to leave, but I grab her wrist and keep her in place as I glare at her.  
"When?"

She doesn't look remotely phased by the fact that I'm snarling in her face. She looks like she's somewhere else, on a different planet or another plane of existence. Maybe she's drunk, maybe she's high; I could care less which it is, I just want some answers. Effy shrugs her slender shoulders at me and as I really look at her I realise how thin she's become. She was always slim but it seems like she's been wasting away these past few weeks. There are dark circles under her eyes and a heavy sadness inside of them that forces me to let go of her wrist. I don't know if it's just this time of year with Freddie's anniversary and everything or if there's something more to it, but I find myself taking on Katie's role as I worry for her.

I tell her to go outside and order a taxi while I go to fetch Jen so we can go home. I try to catch her arm while she's dancing and she gets the wrong idea. She pulls me back and tries to spin me around, but I stop dead in the middle of the dance floor and yank my arm free. "Effy's not feeling well, we're going home." She shrugs and winks at a group of girls she's been dancing with before she follows me through the crowd of people and outside to where Effy is waiting. Her impassive expression finally breaks as she narrows her eyes at Jen and shoots her a dirty look that Katie would be proud of.  
"Not bringing any of your new friends back?"

Jen laughs and Effy's words run off her like water off a duck's back. "I like to flirt Effy, there's no crime in that. Emily knows it's always her bed I climb in to at the end of the day."  
"Really? But whose bed is Emily climbing in to?"  
"Ok. Home time!" I step in between the middle of them before their barbs turn to a full on brawl in the middle of the street. Neither girl puts up much of a fight and they let it drop as we all climb in to the taxi that pulls up beside us. We travel back to the flat in silence and when we get back there Jen goes straight in to Katie's room and closes the door behind her. Effy goes straight for Katie's not-so-secret stash of drink on top of one of the kitchen cupboards. She sits herself down on one of the benches and drinks straight from the bottle as she stares me down.

"Emily wanted to hurt you." She finally speaks and I take a seat on the bench beside her, snatching the bottle of whisky out of her hand. It's cheaper stuff than Katie usually drinks and it burns my throat all the way down. "That's why she slept with me. She was upset when she found out about you sleeping with that dead girl-"  
"Wait, you slept with her _then_? When Freddie was still alive?" She flinches when I mention Freddie, but I'm too preoccupied to care about her feelings. "You fucked Emily when she was still _my _girlfriend?" She has the good grace to look ashamed for a second, but her usual mask of indifference soon settles over her features.  
"It didn't mean anything, Freddie knew that. It was when my head was fucked up and I was starting to…" She self-consciously turns her wrists over to hide the scars on them. "I wasn't in a good place Naomi, neither was Ems."  
"None of us were." I admit with a heavy sigh and I'm glad I drank so much tonight, if I wasn't so buzzed right now I'd probably have my hands around Effy's throat. It's not like I can lecture anyone on the immorality of infidelity though. "We were kids. Fucked up, selfish, kids." Effy nods in agreement and we carry on drinking in silence.

It's only once the bottle's empty and we're stumbling towards Effy's room that I realise I don't have anything to wear for bed. All of my stuff is in Katie's room. Fuck! I get a stumbling Effy in to her room before I head to Katie's and knock on the door, hoping Jen's still awake. I don't want to be creeping around in Katie's room looking for my pyjamas and have her waking up thinking I'm some creepy pervert watching her sleep. Thankfully she calls for me to come in and my next hope is that she's not naked. Mercifully she's fully dressed when I walk in, and under the covers watching the television Katie has up on the wall. "Hey, my pyjamas are in here." I point to the set of drawers in the corner as I explain my reasoning for being alone in a room with her at two in the morning.

I hastily make my way over to the drawers. I jump as I turn around with my pyjamas in my hand and find Jen standing right behind me. "You know, what I said to Effy about _always _ending up in Emily's bed, well it might not have been strictly true." She bites her lip as she looks me up and down. I'm pretty sure I'm looking at her with the most redundant expression possible on my face because my pickled brain is struggling to acknowledge that she's just made another pass at me. Fair enough she's an attractive girl and in all honesty if I was single and she wasn't so damn cocksure of herself I would probably be interested; but I'm with Katie, and she's supposed to be with Emily. I might not be in love with Emily anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't care about her. She's still my friend and it sickens me that the lowlife standing in front of me would even think about cheating on her. Jen's not a stupid kid and she's not messed up; she's just a bitch.

I shove past her before she can get another word out and slam the door behind me, ensuring she gets the message not to follow me. I change in the hall and when I storm in to Effy's room I dump my clothes on the floor beside the bed. "I'm telling Emily!" I huff as I pull the covers back and climb in to bed beside a half conscious Emily. I've got a lot to talk about with the youngest Fitch tomorrow, including the fact that I wasn't the only one who was unfaithful in our relationship. As I pull the covers over me and bury my head in the pillow I can't help but think about Emily with Effy. "How many times did you sleep with her?" I ask and Effy lies still and silent beside me. I know she's still awake though so I press on. "How many times?"  
"Just once." Effy finally speaks and I feel a tiny flutter of relief. It's short lived though. "Just once when you were together and I was with Freddie."  
"And after?" A part of me begins to question whether Effy had something to do with Emily giving up on us at the end. Whether Effy's had her own reasons to push me towards Katie these last few weeks.  
"Naomi…why do you think Emily stopped talking to Katie when she walked in on us fucking? It wasn't that much of a shock that Katie was gay; it was who she was with."

My mouth goes dry and I feel a lump the size of an apple forming in it. The last thing I want to think about is the fact that the girl lying beside me has slept with two of the women in my life who have meant the most to me. At least I've got my answer to my earlier question; at least I know why she fucked Katie in the first place. "You're in love with her aren't you? You're in love with Emily."


	21. Chapter 21

"Morning sunshine!" Katie giggles as she jumps on to Effy's bed. She climbs under the covers beside me, her lips instantly finding mine. It's seems like it's been far too long since we last kissed so our lips linger for longer than they should considering Emily is somewhere in the flat. My stomach drops at the thought of the conversation I'm going to have to have with Emily at some point today. I'm still trying to think of a tactful way to bring it up other than _'Hey Ems, by the way your girlfriend's a whore and also I know you fucked Effy when we were together.' _I know I can't exactly take the moral high ground here considering it was my own infidelity that led to it happening; but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow. After Effy admitted everything last night I lay awake, thinking things over and over in my head and part of me couldn't help wondering whether that was why Emily had ended things. Had she given up on us not because I had cheated, but because she had too? Had fucking Effy been the breaking point when she'd realised she just didn't care enough to fight for us anymore?

"So where are you taking me then?" Katie quizzes and it takes me a moment to realize what she's talking about. She rolls her eyes at my blank expression. "This date you've been promising me for like forever! Where are we going?" She looks so happy as she lies beside me, like neither of us has a care in the world and the most pressing issue in our lives right now is what we're going to do today; but it's not. I've got so much shit eating me up inside that I feel like one more thing and I'm going to snap. It's not fair on her. It really isn't. I feel like ever since Emily came back my head's been all over the place and even when I'm with Katie I'm not really _with _her.  
"Anywhere you want. I'm all yours for the rest of the day." I kiss the end of her nose as I push the covers away and climb out of bed. I really mean it too. I'm going to talk to Emily, get a few things straight and then spend the rest of the day with Katie. "I just need to speak to Ems first."  
"Why?" Her smile falters and I can see the doubt creeping back in to her eyes. She doesn't trust me, but I can't really blame her given my track record.

"Let's make a deal, ok?" I take both of her hands in mine as I stand in front of her. "No more secrets. I just need to talk to Emily and I'll tell you all about it later, ok? I promise. I just…I just need to hear some stuff from her." I squeeze her hands, hoping she won't take it the wrong way and kick off with me.  
"Ok." I'm generally surprised when she agrees without an argument. Katie Fitch rarely does _anything _without an argument. I scrutinize her for a moment before leaning in for another kiss. I really hope her understanding is out of trust and not just indifference.  
"I won't be long."

I quickly get dressed and leave her in Effy's room, going in search of Emily. I try in Katie's room first and thankfully find her alone unpacking the suitcase she took to her gran's house. I close the door behind me and she looks up at me with an uncertain smile. "Hey."  
"We need to talk." I still have no idea what I'm actually going to say to her, I just know I need to clear the air if I want to make things work with Katie. If I'm constantly thinking about Emily and Effy and everything else then Katie will pick up on it and I don't want it to ruin whatever it is we have going on. I decide to kick the conversation off with the easiest thing to bring up. "Jen tried it on with me last night."  
"Oh." Her expression is blank as she slumps down on to Katie's bed. I expected a bit more than that. I've seen the Fitch women lose their tempers and Emily is no different to her twin or her mother in that respect, yet she just sits there, not saying a word. I don't know whether she believe me or not.  
"Look I don't want to stick my nose where it doesn't belong, but she seems like a bit of a bitch-"

"She's not." Emily sticks up for her, a hint of the fierce Fitch determination in her voice and I have the feeling she's about to blow with me. The last thing she wants to hear from_ me_ is how her girlfriend is cheating on her. I think hearing that once in her life was her limit.  
"Ems…" I try to pacify her before she can kick off properly, but she stops me in my tracks.  
"Jen's a really good friend. She's done a lot for me…including pretending to be my girlfriend. She isn't cheating on me Naomi, because we're not actually together." It takes a second for my brain to process her words and I'm pretty sure they got jumbled on the way in because I can't get my head around what she's just said to me.  
"What?"

She looks sheepishly down at the floor as she wrings her hands together and for a moment she looks so helpless that I almost go over there and hold her; but then I remember her betrayal and the lump in my throat grows to the size of a golf ball. "I _was _seeing this girl last year, and she was great, but she wanted too much…and I got scared Naomi. So I fucked things up as badly as I could. I cheated." She gives me a pointed look as she sits down on the bed and then her eyes fall to her hands again. "She found out and we broke up and I've been happy single. It's just…easier." I should feel sorry for her. I should feel bad knowing that loyal, trusting Emily Fitch is gone because of what _I _did; but I can't get what_ she _did out of my head and I'm guessing Effy was the one she cheated on her last girlfriend with too.

"But then Katie told me you were back and I didn't want it to look like I was still moping over you or something."  
"Clearly." I snap and I can't keep the acid out of my tone. Her eyes narrow on me as she tries to work out what I mean. Maybe she thinks I'm jealous. Maybe that was the point of bringing Jen in the first place, to try and figure out if I still care enough to be jealous. "I know about you and Effy. I know you fucked her when we were together." I put her out of her misery. She just sits there and stares at me over the revelation.  
"Naomi-" I really don't want to hear her excuses.  
"Forget it Emily. It's in the past. We both did things-"  
"Excuse me?" Her eyes widen as she gets back to her feet and stares at me in disbelief. "Yes I slept with Effy, but you fucked Sophia and then sold her the drugs that ended up killing her, and then _lied _to my face about it. In the grand scheme of who hurt who the most, you're still winning."  
"What's going on?" Katie stands at the door I forgot to close. She looks mortified and I can only guess what she thinks we're talking about. "What did you say to her?" The question's directed at me and I can't tell if she's playing the protective big sister or if she's actually pissed at me.

"It's none of your business Katie!" I growl at her, praying she understands that I'm putting on a show for Emily while at the same time trying to tell her that I haven't told her about _us. _I storm out the room, leaving her with Emily as I return to the sanctuary of Effy's room. I slump on to the bed and wait for Katie to follow me. At least I hope she'll follow me. I wait there for a good five minutes before the door opens and she walks in, her expression is hard to read and I only let out the breath I'm holding when she walks over and climbs on to my lap. Her arms wrap around my neck as her face finds its way to the crook of my neck.  
"Why do things keep going tits up every time we try to have a date?" She sighs and I know exactly how she feels. These last few days have been crazy; I was looking forward to spending some time alone with Katie. The thought of staying here to argue with Emily turns my stomach. I've done enough of that to last a life time. "Maybe we can do something next weekend?"

"No." I shake my head and she pulls away to frown at me. "We're doing something today." I add before she can kick off with me. I'm sick of having to put my life on hold to tip toe around Emily. I'm going to get ready and I'm taking her out for the day, maybe even the whole night too. We don't have to explain ourselves to anyone.  
"What are we doing?" She perks up instantly and I'm rewarded with a genuine smile. We both need this today, some time on our own away from Emily, Effy and everyone else.  
"The beach." I decide on the spot. The rain has finally stopped and the weather is starting to actually feel like August now. We only have a few weeks of summer left and I don't want to waste them.  
"You just want to see me in my bikini, perv." She teases me with another kiss. I can't help the grin that spreads over my face at the thought of Katie in a bikini; definitely an unexpected bonus.  
"I'd rather see you out of it." I purr in her ear and feel the shiver that runs through her as my lips graze against her neck.

"Well you'll have to wait, won't you?" She grins smugly as I make no attempt to hide my disappointment when she stands up and I have to settle for a chaste kiss. "You go home and get ready. I'll pick you up in half an hour." I sigh dramatically as I drag myself to my feet and go in for another kiss. She pulls away, a teasing smile on her soft full lips.  
"Ah, ah. We need to make sure Ems doesn't figure out we're sneaking out for the day." I open my mouth to ask what she intends to do when she starts shouting at the top of her voice. "Can you not go five fucking minutes without upsetting my sister? I fucking let you in _my _flat for Effy's sake, it's not like _I _fucking want you here so just stop fucking hurting Ems!" She pulls me in close as she crushes her lips against mine, her actions a complete contrast to her words. Pulling away she whispers, "Your turn." I nod as I pull away and prepare to play my part. After all these years fighting with Katie is practically second nature, even if we do tend to do most of our fighting in the bedroom these days.

"Like I want to spend my fucking summer with _you!"_ I mouth the words _'I love you' _as I pause for breath and she giggles in to my shoulder. "I'm going anyway!" I steal one last kiss from her before I pull on my jacket and storm out of her room. I deliberately go in to the living room to say goodbye to Effy, making sure I have a face like thunder as Emily and Jen look up at me from where they're curled up on one of the sofas. "Ef, I'm off, Katie's doing my head in. I'll catch up with you in the week, yeah?" Effy doesn't miss a beat as she shrugs up at me. She knows what game we're playing and she won't bat an eyelid when Katie comes in later and announces she's had a job offer last minute that she_ really _can't turn down. "Nice meeting you Jen, Ems." I nod towards them before turning to leave. I'm almost at the front door when someone grabs hold of my arm. I turn with a smile, expecting it to be Katie, but my expression soon drops as I realise it's Jen. She lets go of my wrist without having to be told and awkwardly shoves her hands in to the pockets of her jeans.  
"Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know you probably think I'm a complete arsehole for hitting on you last night; but Ems said she told you what's going on, so I was wondering if you maybe wanted to grab a drink later? You know, as long as Effy doesn't find out." She laughs and I don't quite follow her drift.  
"Huh?"

"Well Effy's supposed to think I'm Emily's girlfriend. It wouldn't do any good if she found out it's all fake-"  
"Wait." I stop her, overlooking the fact that she's asked me out entirely. "Ems asked you to pretend to be with her to fool Effy?" It's Jen's turn to look puzzled as she nods at me.  
"Yeah, Emily said she told you? She asked me months ago. She and Effy had this thing a while back so she asked me to come back with her for the summer." So her little charade with Jen was for Effy's benefit, not mine. Once again Emily's lied to my face. It seems to be all we do these days. "Why did you think she was doing…wait, fuck you're her ex…I'm sorry Naomi-"  
"Don't be." I shrug it off. It's just more proof that whatever Emily and I had is long gone. Today is about me and Katie. "Sorry Jen, I'm sort of with someone actually."  
"Oh, is it serious?" She grins at me and you can't blame a girl for trying. I laugh it off as I bite my lip and nod.  
"Yeah. It is."

I leave the flat and hurry home to pack for our daytrip to the beach. By the time Katie arrives in her car I'm practically giddy at the thought of spending the day with her. I bounce out of the front door and toss my bag on to the back seat before I lean over for a kiss. Katie pushes her sunglasses up on to her head as she eagerly kisses me back. She's changed in to a pale pink summer dress with matching sandals and I feel a little under dressed in my vest and baggy cargo shorts. "Rocking the dyke look then?" She teases me as I put on my own sunglasses, a pair of vintage aviators that I picked up last summer. I flip her off and she rolls her eyes at me. I still can't believe how easy things are between us, ok so we still argue like cat and dog most of the way to the coast over what radio station to listen to, but a few years ago we would have killed each other being stuck in a car together for the two hours it takes to drive down to Weston-super-Mare.

It's a seaside resort in Somerset and at this time of year it's packed full of revellers trying to make the most of the few days of sun we Brit's get a year. We park down by the beach and Katie turns to me with an outstretched hand and an expectant look. "Phone." I frown at her strange demand but fish my phone out of my pocket and hand it over anyway. With Katie it's best not to argue, so when she takes her own phone and locks it in the glove box with mine I don't question it. "Just us today, right?"

"Right." My lips curl up as I chuckle at her. I've got to admit I like her thinking. The last thing I want is a call from mum or a text from Effy interrupting our day together. Right now Bristol and everything that goes with it is miles behind us and as far as I'm concerned it can stay that way. We get out of the car and I lace my fingers through Katie's, letting her lead me down to the beach with an excited grin on her face like it's the first time she's ever seen the sea. It doesn't escape me that this is the first time we've been able to hold hands, or show any signs of affection at all, in public; it feels nice not to have to hide for once and not for the first time this week I'm considering whether or not we should just bite the bullet and come clean to the people we love. For now I put it to the back of my mind and follow Katie down on to the sand; we can have at least one perfect day before the storm hits.

**A/N:**So I know it's been ridiculously long since I updated! Really sorry, but I've had a lot on with going back to work after my accident and I'm pretty much just working and sleeping at the moment. Once again a big thanks to everyone who's reading and for the great reviews. I promise the next chapter won't take so long and will be full of Kaomi goodness! :)


	22. Chapter 22

"Oh my god, what the fuck is he wearing?" I push my sunglasses up over my head and look in the direction Katie's scathing comments are directed. We're lying on a towel on the beach, with Katie cuddled in to my side. Her hair is tied back and she's wearing the smallest bikini she could probably get away with without being on a nudist beach. I don't think the South West has many of those. Which is probably a good thing considering how many old people are on the beach today. One of which, a middle aged man, has caught Katie's attention.  
"That would be a mankini babe."  
"Eugh, he's like fifty!" She rolls over to face me again, ignoring the scantily dressed old man who's rubbing sun tan lotion in places that really shouldn't be on show. I'm wearing my bikini too, but with my Hawaiian floral print shorts on top. One of Katie's hands rests on my stomach, just above the waistband and I know she's teasing me as her nails graze against my skin. She knows that drives me nuts, but there's not a lot I can do about it when we're lying on a crowded beach. "And I thought your shorts were bad."

"Oi, my shorts are cool!" She rolls her eyes at me and mutters a condescending 'of course they are'; but then she presses her lips to my cheek before she rests her head on my chest and I forget to be offended. My lips curl up in to a smile as I drape an arm over her. We've been sunbathing for most of the afternoon, making the most of the few days of actual sun this country gets. It'll probably be snowing next week. I try not to linger on the fact that it's almost September, in a few weeks I'm going to be starting uni again and that means going back to London; and leaving Katie behind. Today is supposed to be about us though, the two of us finally getting some time alone together and not worrying about the ticking time bomb we left back in Bristol. Emily and the others are going to find out about is. It's inevitable really, because it's clear this isn't some sort of summer fling for the pair of us and if we're going to make it work then the first obstacle is going to be coming clean with Emily; and the second will probably be avoiding Emily killing one or both of us.

"What time do you want to head back?" I know she worries about leaving Effy alone overnight so although I'd rather get a room somewhere and have the whole night to ourselves too I haven't pushed it.  
"Never." She mumbles in to my chest and I couldn't agree with her more. She sighs as she props herself up on one elbow. "We could stay the night? Find a nice little hotel room with a big soft bed and fuck like rabbits?" Her voice is a soft purr as her lips find my ear and her nails once again rake against my skin. I try to say 'yes' but it comes out as a gasp as her fingers dip under the waistband of my shorts. I somehow manage to find the conviction to push her hand away; there's a couple just along the sand from us with three screaming toddlers and the last thing I think they want their kids to see is me pinning Katie down and ripping off what little clothing she's wearing to start with. They've already given us plenty of dirty looks, and that was just from me helping Katie to put her suntan lotion on; though admittedly my hands probably did stray a little bit.

"Do you always fuck on the first date?" I tease and she chuckles in to my neck. She looks fucking gorgeous when she smiles; she really hasn't had a lot to smile about over the last few days. Neither of us has. Getting away from Bristol was definitely a good idea.  
"We should look for a hotel; it's pretty busy down here." She pulls away from me and gets to her feet. She bends over and brushes sand from her legs, giving me a pretty good view of her chest. She catches me looking and smirks. "Perv!"  
"You know it!" I grin back at her as I grab hold of her waist and pull her back down on to my lap. She shrieks and giggles before I kiss her and we get more condescending looks from the family beside us. We ignore them and carry on kissing. Katie pulls away first, her chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath.  
"We need a room, like, now babes."

We walk along the promenade until we find a guest house with a vacant room. It's a pretty basic double room with an en-suite. There's a wardrobe with coat hangers that can't be removed from the railing and the TV is bolted to wall, and Katie moans about 'slumming it', but the big double bed is comfy enough and when we collapse on to it in a tangle of limbs she soon stops complaining; especially when my lips find the hot sun-kissed skin of her stomach, just above her bikini bottoms. She giggles as I trail a path of kisses down her stomach and her hands tangle in my hair, urging my head down lower. I slide her bikini bottoms down and toss them aside before continuing to kiss my way up the inside of her thigh.

I pause as I reach the place she wants me most and bite my lip as I look up at her. She lets out a frustrated growl and looks ready to berate me until she catches my eye. She looks uncertain and I can feel her tense underneath me; like she's expecting the worst. "I really do love you, Katie." She relaxes as the words leave my lips and her usual cockiness returns as she smirks at me.  
"I know…now will you hurry the fuck up already?" She playfully pushes my head back down again and I end up laughing in to her thigh, knowing all too well she's only half joking.

We spend the rest of the afternoon in bed and only climb back out when our stomachs start rumbling. "So where are you taking me for dinner?" Katie quizzes as she finishes putting on her makeup. She's wearing a white sundress with her hair hanging in loose curls around her shoulders. She looks ready for a night out on the town, but I know exactly what to do for dinner.

"You're a pretty shit date." Katie rolls her eyes as she stabs her little wooden Spork in to the mushy chips inside the Styrofoam carton she's holding. I can tell she's just teasing though so chose not to say anything in my defence as I happily pick at my own fish and chips. We're sitting on a low stone wall overlooking the beach, the tide is in and the lights from the pier are dancing across the surface of the inky water. It's still quite warm but a breeze is rolling in over the sea so I've draped my hoodie over Katie's shoulders to stop her catching a chill. She shuffles closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder. "Dinner should_ not_include wooden forks." She huffs, but I can see the corners of her lips curling up in a smile that she can't hide.

"You love it really." I catch the side of her cheek with my lips and she turns her head to get a proper kiss.  
"Love you." She mumbles as our lips meet and I feel my stomach flipping. I still can't believe how good it is to hear those words come from Katie Fitch's mouth. I pull her in close and we sit on the wall watching the waves for a while. I can tell Katie's thinking because she's chewing on her lower lip and she's quiet. "When do you go back to uni?" And there it is; the elephant in the room that we've been avoiding.  
"Seventeenth." I answer without much enthusiasm. That's just over three weeks away. I'm not sure where my summer's gone. It seems to have disappeared in the blink of an eye. I'm supposed to be going back to London in two weeks. Her grip on my hand tightens as she sighs.  
"I'll miss you."  
"I'll miss you too." I feel tears pricking at my eyes and when I hear Katie sniffing I know it's not because she's cold. "I can come back most weekends, and it's not like we're a million miles away." She nods but doesn't say anything and we descend in to a heavy silence once again. We're both thinking the same thing. How are meant to make this work? We're going to be living in different cities for at least the next year and I never really had any plans to move back to Bristol; now I'm contemplating shaping my future around Katie. It's scary how hard I've fallen for her.

"You won't be lying on my sofa; drinking my beer and waiting to rub my feet when I get home from a really shitty day though, will you?"  
"Eww, feet." I pull a face and I really can't help it. I know we're having a moment here but the thought of touching anyone's feet, even Katie's, makes me retch. She rolls her eyes as she shoves my shoulder. "You know what I meant Campbell!"  
"We'll make this work." I reassure her. Leaning forward I press my lips to her ear. We have to make this work. Katie Fitch is a drug I just can't give up.  
"We're going to have to tell Emily aren't we?" She finally puts a voice to both our fears and I swallow hard before nodding in agreement. We can't keep hiding how we feel about each other from the rest of the world. If we want to make it through the year we're going to be living in different cities then we need to be able to see each other on weekends and holidays without lying to the people we care about most. "Want to draw straws?" She suggests and despite the sombre mood I crack a smile.  
"Rock, paper, scissors?" I propose in return and she giggles in to the side of my neck.

"When do we do it?" She turns serious again as she looks up at me with those big brown eyes, looking as uncertain as I feel. "And how?" I shake my head as I wipe away the tears running down her cheeks. I'm not really sure if there is a right time to tell your ex that you're in love with her twin sister, and as for the how, well I'm pretty sure that Hallmark don't do a card for this shit.  
"Together." I sigh, not knowing what else to say to her. "We'll do it together."

The night's turned cold so we hop down from the wall and make our way hand in hand back to the guest house. We change for bed and climb under the duvet, lying cuddled up together without either of us trying to take it further. As amazing as Katie is in bed, and as much as she knows exactly how to push my buttons, it's moments like these that help me to believe that what we're both feeling is real. It doesn't always have to be about fighting or fucking, sometimes we can just be. I think I like these times best.

* * *

"Naomi?" Katie pauses with her key in the front door and turns to me with those wide imploring eyes and I know she's about to ask for something from me. Our trip to the coast ended this morning with a continental breakfast and one last stroll along the beach; unfortunately we had to come back to Bristol though. "I know we said we'd tell her, but not today, ok? Just, not today." I nod in agreement, it's not like I'm in a hurry to go face Emily anyway.  
"You were at a shoot in Kent and I was at my mum's."  
"Soho." She snaps at me. "I told Ems I was in Soho and I wouldn't be back till tonight. I got back early and I bumped in to you outside, you came over to see Eff." I've already this a thousand times on the way back in the car and I nod impatiently.  
"Right, right, and we absolutely did not spend the day sunbathing and building sandcastles and we did not break a flimsy hotel bed." I smirk and she rolls her eyes at me but manages a smile herself. We got a little overzealous this morning and had to hide the fact that we broke our headboard.  
"You're paying half if my card gets charged for that!" She reminds me for the umpteenth time and I hold my hands up in mock surrender.  
"Whatever, you broke it though!"  
"Well it was your fault!" She pokes at my chest and I grab her hand, pulling her in for a conspiratorial kiss. Satisfied that I'm not about to run my mouth off she finally unlocks the door.

The second we're inside we can hear Emily giggling from in the living room and Katie rolls her eyes. "Great, she's fucking her girlfriendon my sofa. Bitch better have put a sheet down!" Katie doesn't know about Jen. Something isn't right. Emily won't be fucking her, and if she's not with Jen then that leaves...oh no. I barely have time to register what's going on as Katie storms up the hall towards the living room.  
"No! Katie, wait!"  
"Ems you muff munching bitch stop shagging your girlfriend on my- Effy?" I catch up to Katie just as she walks in to the living room, which is just in time to see Effy and Emily scrambling off the sofa to pick up their discarded clothes. They're both already topless, though unlike Emily Effy is still wearing her shorts. "What the fuck?"

"Katie, you…you…weren't supposed to be back till tonight." Emily's cheeks are red and flustered as she pulls on her T-shirt.  
"So not the fucking issue here Ems!" Katie snaps. "What the fuck are you two doing? Where's Jen, you know, your girlfriend?" Emily seems to have lost the ability to speak as her big sister glares at her. I know Effy and Katie have slept together and I don't think Katie's too happy about walking in on the two of them. I should have told her what was going on, but once we were away from everything I just wanted the day to be about us.

Emily's gone mutr and Effy's never been a big talker, it doesn't look like that's about to change anytime soon, so it's left to me to answer her.  
"She's not really her girlfriend-"  
"You knew?" Katie rounds on me, her cheeks as red as Emily's, but with anger rather than guilt. Fuck. I've really gone and put my foot in it now. "What else have you been keeping from me?"  
I don't get the chance to answer her as Emily interrupts, finaly finding her voice.  
"How about what you two have been keeping from _me?_"

Oh fuck.


	23. Chapter 23

"I….I don't know what you're talking about." I stumble lamely as Emily's accusing glare settles between me and her sister. I know we said we were going to tell her, but now that the moment's actually arrived I just can't do it. Katie takes a step away from me and whether it's subconsciously or not it seems neither of us is ready to come clean. Effy is mercifully silent. She knows _all _of our secrets and one word from her could easily light the fuse that would set Emily off. Her eyes are dark and her jaw is set as she gets to her feet, storming over to me and looking me straight in the eye. She's inches shorter than me yet it seems like she's staring me down. She doesn't believe me and I find my mouth opening with words spilling out trying to convince her. I've got no chance of pulling off innocence so I go for pissed off instead. "So we're friends now, we're not doing anything wrong-"  
"Oh really?" She shoots me down. "I'm not fucking stupid Naomi! I've seen the way you look at her, when you think nobody's watching! So don't stand there and lie to me! Have the fucking decency to admit that you're fucking my sister! I mean Jesus Christ, James is almost sixteen if you want to fuck him too, get the full Fitch set!"

She's mad and she has every right in the world to be; but the crude way she spits out the word fucking, as if that's all it is between me and Katie, riles me and I know I'm not going to be able to keep my mouth shut.  
"Ems please-" Katie starts, but whether she was going to defend what we have or deny it all together I'll never know, because my lips are working again and not for the first time in my life I'm speaking my mind before I've really thought things through.  
"It's not like!" I snap. "It's not just about fucking…I…I love her. I'm in love with Katie." My words might have as well have been a sucker punch straight to the gut as they seem to have taken all the wind out of the little redhead standing in front of me. She looks utterly deflated as her eyes widen, searching my expression for any sign that I'm lying. I see the tears building up in her eyes and they break my heart, they really do. I might not be _in _love with her but that doesn't mean I don't care about her. I'm not a monster. I know how much my words are going to hurt her. I want this to be as painless as possible, but we have to be honest with her. She just stares at me like she's broken, her expression blank as though she's still processing what I've just said.  
"Well say something then-" She slaps me across the face. Hard.

When she does speak her usually hoarse voice comes out more like a growl and her whole body is practically shaking with anger. "Haven't you fucking hurt me enough? Fucking Sophia was bad enough-"  
"I think we're even for that one Ems, since you fucked Effy when we were still together." I really shouldn't open my mouth, like ever, but I can' help it. I'm not the only one in the wrong here.  
"You and Emily?" Katie frowns as she looks at Effy, who is still being conveniently silent. "You never told me you'd slept with Ems?"  
"You never asked." Effy shrugs at her like it's no big deal; but for Katie it is. I know exactly what she's thinking. Effy used her as a substitute for her twin. Emily ignores them and carries on arguing with me, telling me I'm the one who broke what we had first. Apparently what she did with Effy wasn't so bad because I'd already fucked things up.

"Is that why you fucked me the other week? Couldn't quite wait for Ems coming back?" I hear Katie arguing with Effy and suddenly I can't focus on a single word Emily is screaming at me.  
"Wait, you fucked Effy the other week?" I interrupt as Katie's words finally sink in. She has the good sense to look ashamed as she drops her head and nods. "When?" I choke out, my anger boiling up inside of me. I'm more angry at the thought of her and Effy together than I was when I found out about Emily and Effy.  
"The night of the party at the hotel…when she and Cook walked in on us…that was the last time, I swear! She only wanted me because of Ems!" Katie shoots a dirty look Effy's way which she returns in earnest.  
"Yeah, well I'm not the only one." She replies which sets me off again. It's like Emily finding out about me and Katie was the first domino toppling over and now the rest of them are all coming crashing down around us as we all air our dirty little secrets.  
"Don't you dare fucking say that!" I snap. "I love Katie, and it has nothing to do with her being Emily's twin! We just get on, ok? She's the last person on earth I ever thought I'd fall for, but I did! And I'm sorry Emily, because I never set out to hurt you. Not now and not back then… it just happened."

"So you_ just_ fucked Katie and it_ just _happened?" The youngest twin glares at me. "What did you do Naomi? Trip and fall on her clit?" Effy starts laughs at that and makes no apology as the rest of us look at her like she's mad.  
"I'm feeling a little left out, everyone else has fucked Naomi."  
"Go fuck yourself Effy!" I snarl at her and she smirks as she finishes pulling on her jeans and gets to her feet. She stands beside Emily and I don't miss the way Emily shies away from her, shrugging her hand away when Effy tries to place it on her back. Effy's smirk slips and is replaced by a frown as she pulls her hand back. As the twins start shouting at each other again she slips away unnoticed and I really wish I could follow her; but the other two will probably kill each other if they're left unattended.

"How the fuck could you do this to me Katie?"  
"I didn't do it on purpose! It just happened!"  
"You knew how much she meant to me! And Effy! Are you trying to fuck every girl I have?"  
"That's be a bit hard considering you're reputation for fucking your way through half of Leeds last year-"  
"Please, I've slept with four girls, you've shagged most of fucking Bristol!"

They carry on like this for a while, verbally tearing chunks out of each other and I'm not sure what to say for the best so I stand there like a mute, hoping that they won't turn physical. The Fitch twins may be small but they're like snappy little Yorkshire terriers and that's one dog fight I wouldn't like to try and split up; but just as things look set to come to a head Katie stops and looks around with a scowl. "Where's Effy?" I'm pretty sure she slunk off to her room, but I stay silent for fear of having my head bitten off by one of them. Emily looks around the room too and her eyes suddenly become panicked as she shares a look with Katie; before I can ask what's going on they race out of the living room. The flat is quiet without the shouting; too quiet. Emily goes to Effy's room and Katie goes to the bathroom. I follow behind them, not quite on the same page.  
"In here!" It's not until Katie screams from the bathroom that I realise what's going on. Emily and I reach the open door at the same time and find Effy slumped on the tile floor, surrounded by empty pill bottles and clutching a bottle of cheap vodka.

"Want some?" She smirks up at us with glassy eyes as she offers up the bottle. Emily scowls as she drops to her knees and clutches Effy's cheeks in her hands.  
"What the fuck have you done?" Emily's hardly Florence Nightingale with her bedside manner, but I can see her anger has been completely replaced by fear as she tries to get Effy to tell her how many pills she's taken. Katie's already on her phone, calling for an ambulance, despite Effy's protests.  
"Don't bother…just don't…" Effy's eyes start to roll to the back of her head as the sleeping pills and antidepressants she's taken start to fight against the alcohol that's flooded her system. I've seen that look in her eyes before, the hollow vacant expression that means she's given up.  
"How many have you taken Eff?" Emily's voice is more gentle as she tries to coax her lover in to talking, but Effy's already too far gone to answer.  
"There were seventeen pills in that one and eight in the other." Katie answers as she finishes on the phone. It starts to sink in that she's been expecting something like this. All of her overprotectiveness and her concern for the other girl, she's just been waiting for Effy to break again. I hadn't realised how close she was to falling apart.

The twins both do their best to keep Effy alert and talking as we wait for the ambulance and I just stand there feeling like a spare part. I don't know how we got here. How everything got so fucked up. I remember the first day of college, sitting in the sports hall and watching the people around me; Cook flirting with me, as mischievous as ever, Freddie offering me an apologetic smile for his best friend's behaviour, Effy, silent and mysterious with a sparkle in her eye; a sparkle that's been missing from them for a very long time. Then there were the twins, Katie glaring at me and Emily smiling uncertainly. We were just kids back then, carefree kids with our whole lives ahead of us. Now Freddie's gone, Effy's given up and I'm pretty sure I've torn the twins apart.

"Someone needs to let the paramedics in, Naomi, go wait downstairs!" Katie snaps at me as she helps lug Effy's unconscious weight in to the recovery position. Emily's crying and I think there are tears rolling down my cheeks too, but Katie's holding it together. I can't believe how strong she is. I feel close to cracking up, but I follow her commands and make my way downstairs. The cold air hits me as I step outside the security door and I feel my stomach lurching. A moment later and I'm on my hands and knees dry heaving. Flashing blue lights and a noisy siren fill the silent street a few minutes later and I feel totally out of it as a paramedic asks me if I called in an overdose. He looks at me like I'm the one who needs help and I can't exactly blame him. I point him upstairs to Katie's flat and let him know the door's on the latch so he can get straight in. When he and his partner run up the stairs I'm left alone again and I slump to the floor with my back against the wall. I feel a tiny sob escape my lips and it's quickly followed by another one as tears stream down my cheeks. I can't help but feel responsible for Effy. I should have known how close she was to the edge; I should have been there for her when she needed me. I should never have left Bristol.

When the door flies open and the paramedics wheel Effy out on a stretcher she looks even paler than before. Her eyes are closed and she's not responding to their attempts to talk to her. Emily follows them out, looking just as bad as I feel. Katie's still answering one of the paramedic's questions, telling him what kind of pills Effy's been on and her previous attempts at suicide. Apparently this isn't the first time since Freddie's death. The twins pause as Effy's loaded in to the ambulance and they're informed only one of them can go with her. "Go." Katie pushes her younger sister towards the ambulance as she pulls out her car keys from her jeans. "We'll follow. Stay safe." She kisses her cheek and hugs her before Emily disappears in to the ambulance and it races off with the siren screaming.

I look up at Katie as she approaches me and I can tell she's close to breaking herself, but she's holding it together as she pulls me to my feet. "We need to get to the hospital. I'll call Anthea on the way and-" I cut her off as I throw my arms around her and hold her tightly. I'm a little hurt when she pushes me away.  
"No, please Naomi…I just…" She runs a hand through her hair, brushing it out of her face as she sniffs. I see it then, just how close she is to falling apart herself. "Effy needs me right now…Emily too. I'm her big sister Naoms; I need to take care of her." I nod at her. I know when this is all over she's going to break and she'll need someone to be strong for her for a change. I can do that. I can be there for her when she needs me.

We jump straight in her car and follow the ambulance to the hospital. Katie drives like a lunatic and it's a miracle we don't need an ambulance ourselves by the time we get to the hospital. Effy is rushed through the A&E department  
and it takes us forever to find anything out about her. When we finally find Emily she's sitting on one of the hard plastic seats that litter the halls of the hospital. Her eyes are red raw from crying and as soon as she looks up and sees us walking towards her she starts sobbing again. Katie sits down beside her and pulls her in for a hug so fierce that to any passers-by it probably looks like she's trying to squeeze the life out of her.

Less than an hour ago they were ready to tear chunks out of each other, yet now, despite everything that's happened between them, they're clinging to each other like their lives depend on it. I guess being an only child I don't get the whole sibling thing. I hover beside them uncertainly. I'm not sure what to do for the best so I just leave them to it. After what seems like an eternity a doctor finally comes up to talk to us. Emily told the paramedics Effy was her cousin so the hospital would keep her informed on how she was doing. The doctor is an older man with grey streaks in his dark hair and kind eyes behind his thick rimmed spectacles. He smiles warmly as he removes them. "We've got Elizabeth stable. With her being unconscious we had to pump her stomach and we've put her on a drip for fluids. We'll have to do some tests to ensure there's been no lasting damage to her liver or kidneys, but the outlook is good. She's sleeping, but if one of you wants to sit with her?"  
"Thank you." Katie finds her voice first as she answers the doctor. With another well practised smile he gives us the details of which ward Effy's being kept on and leaves the three of us standing in a silence that is almost crushing.

Once again it's Katie who speaks first and thank god the oldest twin has a mouth on her, otherwise we'd spend the night standing in the corridor in silence. "Do you want to stay Ems, or do you want Naomi to take you home?" Emily looks up from the floor and looks right through me as she shakes her head.  
"I'll stay." Her voice is quiet and her eyes are glassy. Effy may have postponed the impending apocalypse from mine and Katie's revelation, but she hasn't stopped it. When Emily can stop worrying about Effy her despair is going to turn back to anger and we'll be right where we were this morning; at each other's throats. The twins share another hug, but Emily's actions are stiff and rigid. I've done this to them. Intentionally or not I've caused this rift between them. I feel like shit. I wish there were some magic words that I could say to make this all better; but there isn't. I can't take back the last five weeks. I can't undo what's happened between me and Katie, and even if I could I wouldn't want to. I've made my bed and I'll happily lie in it if I've got Katie beside me.

I can tell Katie wants to stay with Effy too, but she's trying her best to give Emily the space she needs so once she says her goodbyes we head out of the hospital. It's only when we get down the corridor and around the corner, out of view of her younger twin, that Katie's hand slips in to mine. I squeeze it tight, knowing there's no turning back now. Emily knows everything. "You ok?" I ask as we climb in to the car and Katie slumps forward, resting her forehead against the steering wheel. It's a stupid question really. Her sister hates her and her best friend just tried to kill herself. She's far from ok and now that she doesn't have to be strong for Emily the cracks are starting to show. "Are we ok?"  
"Tired." She croaks, sounding like she's coming down with a cold. She's trying to stop herself from crying and without another word she starts the car and slips in to gear. The drive home is painfully tense as we sit in silence. I lean my head against the cold window, watching the dreary streets of Bristol slowly pass me by. I fucking hate this city.

I yawn, physically and emotionally exhausted from the morning's events. I can't believe just a few hours ago we were driving up from the coast, singing along to the radio and planning how we could get some time alone. The lunchtime traffic through the city centre is horrendous and it takes us an age to get back to Katie's flat. Any hopes I had of curling up in bed and burying my head under a pillow vanish as we pull up outside the flat and find Cook, JJ and Lara waiting outside. Lara is huddled under her umbrella; with one hand on the pram which little Albert is happily sitting in, warm and dry with his rain cover over him. JJ and Cook look like drowned rats as they stand there shivering in the cold. Katie called Cook from the hospital to let him know what had happened and he must have called JJ.

I let out a heavy sigh as I turn to look at Katie. She looks as drained as I feel. "I wish we could have just stayed in that little guesthouse, eating fish and chips and laughing at old men in speedos." She cracks a weary smile and leans over to kiss my cheek before we get out of the car and descend back in to the madness.  
"What the fuck happened?" Cook demands the second we're out of the car and walking towards them. "You were supposed to keep a fucking eye on her!" He's upset and angry, but he's taking it out on the wrong person. Katie's bent over backwards trying to look after Effy.  
"Back the fuck off Cook!" I shove him back as he gets intimidatingly close to Katie. "It wasn't Katie's fault!"  
"No, it was her fucking sister's! Her head's all messed up because Red can't sort her shit out!"

"You knew?" It's my turn to shout as I realise Cook knows a lot more than he's been letting on. He has the good grace to look ashamed as he drops his gaze and shoves his hands in his front pockets.  
"Wasn't my place to tell you, was it?"  
"Why don't we get inside?" Lara steps in before things can escalate and Katie opens the door for us all to pile in. When we get in the flat Lara goes straight to the kitchen to put the kettle on while Cook goes in search of a towel to dry himself off. Katie takes Albert out of his pram and curls up on the sofa with the toddler on her knee, cuddling in to the little guy. I take a seat beside her and she rests her head on my shoulder as Albert happily plays with her car keys.

"How's Emily?" Lara questions as she comes back from the kitchen with a tray full of steaming cups of tea.  
"She hates me." Katie answers bluntly, as though the other blonde had just asked her the time.  
"No, she doesn't." Lara shakes her head with the kind of optimistic smile that only a mother could pull off in this situation. "Emily loves you babe. She's just…angry. Give her time Kay, she's your sister."  
"Besides, she'll be pissed at Naoms way longer." Cook helpfully supplies as he walks back in to the room with one of Katie's Egyptian cotton towels draped over his neck. He's right of course, blood is thicker than water. Emily will eventually forgive her twin; I doubt I'll be on her Christmas card list for a while though.  
"She can hate me all she wants." I sigh as I feel Katie nestle in to my side. "I've done plenty of things I regret…but this isn't one of them." I entwine my fingers with Katie's and bring her hand up to my lips, kissing the back of her hand. _This, _what me and Katie have, is right. I won't let anyone tell me otherwise.

The others stay until they've finished their tea and Lara suggests they make a move now that they know Effy's ok. Katie scoops Albert up and carries him to the door, seeing them all out. When the front door closes she calls out for me and I drag myself off the sofa and walk down the hall to see what she wants. "Bed?" She's standing at her bedroom door, holding out her hand for me and I don't need to be asked twice. Taking her hand in mine I follow her in to her room where we both climb under the covers. Katie cuddles in to my side. It's still early in the afternoon but we're both absolutely exhausted.  
"I'm going to miss this." Katie sighs as she kisses my cheek, though she doesn't try to start anything. Neither of us is exactly in the mood.  
"I can maybe stay another couple of weeks?" My classes don't start until the second week of September, but even then that's less than three weeks away. I'm not sure where my summer's gone; though in all honesty I think I've spent most of it in Katie's bed.

She nods when I suggest staying longer, she's already half asleep with her head resting on my chest. We lie in silence for a while before she finally rolls over, facing away from me, and lets out a heavy sigh. "You're still leaving though."


	24. Chapter 24

We spend most of the afternoon in Katie's bed, lying quietly in the dark, though neither of us can actually sleep. Letting out a heavy sigh I roll over on to my side to face Katie and find her on her back staring up at the ceiling. I bite my lip and just watch her for a while. Now that things have calmed down a bit I've had a couple of hours of just lying here thinking things through and I know I've got to get some things off my chest or they'll just eat away at me.  
"Why didn't you tell me? About you and Effy?"

Katie lets out a sigh of her own as she turns on to her side and rests her head on her arm, her big brown eyes boring in to me. "I told you we'd done it a couple of times…"  
"Yeah, but I thought you meant like last year…not last month."  
"What does it matter when it was?" She finally snaps at me as she pushes the covers away and sits on the edge of her bed with her little legs dangling over. When she finally speaks again her voice is small and timid, "It's over isn't it?" I hear a tremor in her voice and her slight lips comes out more pronounced. Her shoulders shake and I realise she's crying. She's not talking about her and Effy.

I scoot over to her and sit up so I can wrap my arms around her waist as my head finds her shoulder. Her hands cover mine over her stomach and we sit there for a bit, just holding each other and delaying the inevitable. "It doesn't have to be." I close my eyes and start praying to a God I don't believe in that we can work through this.  
"Emily hates us; Effy's gone off the rails again and in a couple of weeks you're going to be in another city…how the fuck are we supposed to make that work Naomi?" Her voice doesn't hold its usual impatience or anger, she just sounds so defeated.  
"It's only a year Katie. Well, not even that, I'll be finished in May, that's only like eight months! And it will give you time to spend with Eff… As for Emily, well, the damage is already done with her isn't it? She knows now. Us breaking up won't change anything; it'll just make us both miserable."

"I'm giving you an out here Naomi." She turns to me with her hands still over mine, her expression utterly despondent as her eyes search mine and it feels like she's seeing right through me. "You can walk away and go back to London and I won't hold it against you…but if we do this, if we try to make this thing work and you hurt me-"  
"I won't." I promise her, cutting her off with a kiss. I press my forehead against hers, our noses touching as I squeeze her hands in mine. "I won't hurt you Katie. I swear…just please, don't give up on us." Her expression is still weary, but she relents as she pushes me back down against the bed, her body is warm against mine and her hands cup my cheeks as she kisses me. I couldn't give this up. Even if me walking out of the front door right now meant that Katie and Emily would be ok again, I couldn't do it.  
"Last chance." She mumbles as her lips find my neck and her hands slide down my body. I don't make any attempt to stop her. I'm done with running.

Despite having spent most of the previous day and night in bed, morning comes far too early. Katie's alarm goes off and she untangles herself from me before climbing out of bed. "Where are you going?" I grumble, already missing her firm warm body beside me.  
"I've got a meeting with Sean my agent, and then I'm going to take some stuff in for Eff."  
"I think I'll go and see her later." I push the covers away and get to my feet, wrapping my arms around Katie as she stands in front of her wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear. "Got time for a shower?" My lips hover by her ear before they make their way down her neck with soft teasing kisses. She giggles as she catches my meaning and starts leading us to the bathroom. I'm still kissing her neck as she turns on the water and waits for it to heat up. My hands find the hem of her pyjama top and help her to slide it up over her head. When she turns to face me again we share another kiss. She tries to tease me by pulling away, but I catch hold of her pyjama bottoms and stop her. She pouts as she leans in for another kiss, but I duck my head and plant another kiss on her neck, slowly working my lips down her bare chest.

She tugs at my vest as I go, pulling it over my head by the time I'm kneeling on my knees and my lips have reached her stomach. She inhales sharply as my lips brush against her hips and I playfully nip at her flesh, enjoying the way her hands bury themselves in my hair and tug when she thinks I've been teasing her for too long. I pull her pyjama bottoms down so she can step out of them. With a final feather light kiss to the inside of her thigh I discard my own shorts and get to my feet, claiming her lips as I guide her backwards and under the hot spray of the shower. As the water hits us it spurs Katie on and I feel her nails digging in to my back as I press her against the cold tiles.  
"Mother fu-" My probing tongue cuts her off as one of my hands snakes between her legs. Her curse turns to a hiss as I push inside of her and her thighs squeeze against my hand. God I'm going to miss this when I go back to uni. We're going to be hours away from each other and spontaneous shower sex is definitely going to be out of the question for a while. A lot of things are.

When we finally pull ourselves out of the shower Katie catches sight of the time from the clock on her bedside cabinet and starts cursing again. "Fuck, I'm going to be late!" She hastily runs around the room, throwing on her clothes as I take a seat on her bed and watch her with an amused smile. Once she's finally ready she presses a kiss to my cheek. "Effy's key is on the hook by the door, just let yourself in later."  
"How domestic." I tease and she rolls her eyes at me, knowing my sense of humour all too well.  
"I'll see you later." She shakes her head at me with a smile as she heads for the door. I catch hold of her wrist, stopping her in her tracks. She shoots me a bemused look as I lean in for another kiss.  
"Love you." Her confusion blossoms in to a smile that lights up her whole face as she kisses me back.  
"I love you too."

When she leaves I'm too awake from our shower to go back to sleep so I get dressed and grab some breakfast before I head out; pocketing Effy's key before I go. It takes me two busses to get from Katie's flat all the way across the city to the hospital. I spend most of the journey sat next a pensioner who reeks of cabbage and I make a note to book my driving test when I get back home. The halls of the hospital are much longer than I remember them being last night when we were running through them looking for Effy. It takes me a while to find the ward she's on and when I do a friendly nurse points out the private side room she's been put in. I drag my feet as I approach the room. I didn't visit Effy much at the clinic the first time she tried to take her own life. I don't like hospitals and institutions to start with, but mental health is one of those issues that we British approach with a stiff upper lip; or not at all. I'm not sure what I'm meant to say or do. I mean, she tried to kill herself last night; I can't exactly just turn up with a bag of grapes and a 'Get Well Soon' card, can I?

When I slowly open the door to her room and pop my head inside I'm faced with a whole new problem; Emily. She's still sat by Effy's bedside, curled up on a ratty old chair with a hospital issue pea green blanket draped over her. She looks up from the book in her hands and sets it aside with a rather stiff smile. I didn't really think about the fact that she would still be here. Effy appears to be asleep so she won't be able to act as referee between us if World War III resumes. "Hi."  
"Hey." I close the door behind me as I slip inside the room. I set my back down by the door before venturing further in. There's a plastic chair on the other side of Effy's hospital bed and I perch on the edge of it; ready to make a quick escape if things kick off again. "How's she doing?"  
"Good." Emily's voice is a deep husk as she stretches. She looks exhausted, like she's been up all night. I wouldn't put it past her. She clearly cares about the other girl. "The pills weren't in her system long enough to do any damage. The doctor's going to refer her to a crisis team for assessment. They'll work with her therapist so she can go home. She woke up around six this morning, she seemed to know what was going on."

"That's good." I nod, still lost for what to say. "You look like tired." The small redhead shakes her head, even as her body betrays her with a massive yawn.  
"I'm fine." She lies, but the truth is she looks like she's running on empty right now.  
"Go get some coffee and something to eat. I'll stay with Eff." I offer her the chance to get some respite, but she looks wary of leaving the frail figure in the middle of the hospital bed. If Emily looks run down then Effy looks worse. Her eyes are framed by heavy black rings whereas the rest of her skin is pale seems to be wrapped around her bones. I've never noticed just how skinny she looks. Lying there in the crisp white sheets of the hospital bed she looks like she's wasting away. "You need a rest Ems, go. I'll call if she wakes up." Finally reassured she nods and peels herself out of the chair. She pauses at the door and bites her lip as she looks back at Effy's silent sleeping form. I think she's about to change her mind when she opens the door.  
"Thank you."

"Thought she'd never leave." I almost jump out of my skin as I hear Effy's quiet croak from her bed. Her eyes are open and they look sunk in to her head. She's too alert to have just woken up and I realise she's being playing possum, pretending to be unconscious while Emily was sitting over her.  
"Why the fuck were you pretending to be asleep anyway? Emily's fucking exhausted sitting over you all night!" I snap at her, momentarily forgetting where we are and what state she's in.  
"Putting off the inevitable." She shrugs as she struggles to sit up and I lean forward to push her pillow up behind her to support her.

"What the fuck did you think you were doing Eff? Do you know what you've put Katie through?" I scorn, never one to take the softly-softly approach. Effy never expects it from me anyway. She actually manages a weak smile as though I'm the first one to speak to her like she's a human being and not a china doll. Her throat is still raw so when she speaks her voice is a low whisper.  
"If I wanted to kill myself Naomi, I'd have done a better job of it, don't you think?"  
"You knew Katie was counting your pills, just like you knew they'd notice you were gone?" I guess I forgot just how good Effy is at playing everyone. I shake my head as I slump back in to the chair beside her. "You're fucking crazy, you know that?"  
"So they tell me." Her smirk widens and I can't help but laugh. "At least Katie and Emily aren't tearing each other apart."  
"Not yet anyway." I sigh. "That why you're pretending to be asleep? Stop Emily shouting at you?"

She smirks, looking a little more like herself. "Emily's too nice to shout at me when I'm like this…she'll give me that fucking look though-"  
"The one that makes you feel like the biggest fuckup in the world?" I finish for her and we share a knowing smile. I've had her look at me like that all too often after she found out about my indiscretion with Sophia. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Effy closes her eyes over again and for a second I think she might actually be going to sleep. Then she lets out a sigh.  
"Emily was there for me…after Freddie. Katie was too, but me and Emily…something just clicked Naomi. I couldn't help it, just like you couldn't help falling for Katie. They're something special, those Fitch twins."  
"Do you love her?" I've had an entire day to calm down and now that I'm not raging about Effy and Katie I can focus on Effy and Emily and trying to get my head around that.  
"I don't think I'll ever love anyone again, not properly." She suddenly looks so young and fragile yet wise beyond her years at the same time. "But then neither will Emily… We're a good match like that."

I slowly nod at her, digesting her words and mulling them over. Maybe she's right. "I'd offer to put in a good word, but you know…" She laughs and winces at the pain in her throat from having had a tube shoved down it to pump her stomach while she was out of it. "Yeah maybe not." I grin and it's easier to talk to her than I expected. Maybe because I know she wasn't really trying to kill herself last night. I promise her I won't tell the twins why she did what she did. It would only cause more arguments. Effy's not up to talking much with her throat so I switch on the television in the corner of the room and we sit in an easy silence waiting for Emily to come back.

When she slips in to the room after only being away for half an hour her eyes light up at the sight of Effy wide awake and sitting up. "Hey." She grins and goes to walk forward; probably intending to kiss her, before she remembers I'm still sitting there.  
"I should go." I clear my throat, not particularly wanting to feel like a third wheel. "I'll come back and see you tomorrow Eff. See you later Ems." I make a hasty retreat, keeping my promise not to tell either twin the true motive behind Effy's overdose.

"Naomi?" I pause halfway down the corridor as Emily calls after me. I hold my breath as I turn to face her, expecting her to kick off with me again. Her expression is soft though and she almost looks nervous as she shoves her hands in to her pockets and seems to shrink in front of me. "When I slept with Effy I was angry. I wanted to hurt you, just like you'd hurt me…But I couldn't do it. I never wanted you to find out."  
"I never wanted to hurt you Ems." I take a cautious step towards her, still expecting her to fly off the handle; you never can tell with these Fitch women. We stand there facing each other in the empty corridor of the hospital and I've never felt more like a stranger to her in my whole life. I hate that we both ran, that we were both so stubborn and angry that we let things get this far. Maybe we could have still been friends if we'd just made the effort. "This thing with me and Katie…it wasn't about hurting you."  
"Sleeping with Effy_ was _about hurting you…at first."  
"And now?" I choke, feeling a lump forming in my throat because I think I already know the answer. I saw the way she was watching over Effy; the concern on her young face, her relief at walking back in and seeing Effy awake and talking.

"I'm not in love with her, if that's what you're asking…I don't think you can love two people at the same time." She drops her gaze as she adds the last bit, unable to look me in the eye. "I never really got over you Naoms, first love and all that…"  
"You were the one who ended it." I remind her. A few weeks ago my words might have been bitter, but now I'm simply stating a fact, like saying the sky is blue. I've finally let go of the past and I feel lighter for it. Emily needs to do the same, whether it's with Effy or somebody else. She needs to move on.  
"You weren't happy Naomi." She shrugs at me, finally sharing her reasoning for why she ended it. "I saw it in your eyes every day and I just couldn't carry on pretending like we were ok."  
"I still loved you, that should have counted for something?" I feel hot tears stinging at me eyes as I try and defend myself. We both know she's right though. We spent so long chasing each that when we did finally give in to what we felt it couldn't live up to the fantasy we'd created in our heads. Katie and I don't have that problem. We knew each other's faults long before we even took the time to really _know _each other.  
"It was the right thing though, wasn't it? We were just making each other miserable." There are tears rolling down Emily's cheeks and it's far from the first time I've made her cry. Without thinking too much about it I close the distance between us and pull her in for a hug. She lets out a sob as I choke back one of my own and for a moment we just stand there, holding each other like we've done a million times before.

When she finally pulls away Emily wipes at her eyes, starting to get a hold of herself again. "I'm not going to lie. I can't be happy for you and Katie…I can't even begin to deal with you two right now."  
"I don't expect you to Emily, just blame me ok? Katie's your sister and whatever's happened…just hate me ok?" I can't stand the thought that I've torn the twins apart. They were never exactly close, but I know mine and Katie's relationship has driven an even bigger wedge between them.  
"I don't _hate _either of you." She sighs and leans in to place a kiss on my cheek. It's a goodbye, nothing more. "If you hurt her I'll kill you, you know that right?" She manages a small smile and I nod, knowing she's not even remotely kidding. Everyone's waiting for me to screw up, even Katie herself.

"I won't." I repeat my earlier promise to Katie and it doesn't matter whether Emily believes me or not. I'm not going to screw this up. Maybe something in my expression conveys this to Emily and she nods as she crosses her arms over her chest.  
"I can't give you my blessing Naomi, not yet…maybe someday…" It's probably the closest thing me and Katie are going to get to Emily accepting us and I take it.  
"You're amazing, you know that?"  
"Katie's door mat more like." She laughs and finally has a genuine smile. "Tell her I'm asking after her, yeah?"  
"She's bringing some of Effy's stuff in later, so you'll probably see her…we should have dinner or something once Effy gets out, before you go back to Leeds?"  
"Actually I'm not going back to Leeds…I kind of hate it there anyway and I think Eff needs me here. I'm going to transfer back to Bristol for my last year." She looks a little guilty as she admits she's changing universities to be close to Effy. It might not be love yet but I'm pretty sure it's something close. "I've spoken to mum and dad, they're happy for me to move back in with them."

"Oh, that's nice. Effy will be pleased. Well we should still do dinner; I'm going to be here for a few more weeks so…" I trail off as things start to feel awkward again. We're taking slow steps in the right direction, but we're still far from the friends we used to be.  
"So you're going back then?"  
"Of course." I scoff and I don't miss the smirk she shoots my way. "Why wouldn't I? I've got like seven months left  
at Goldsmiths…Katie and I have talked about this, she's fine with it. I mean, her career's taking off so she wouldn't even want me under her feet all the time. God if I lived with her we'd probably end up killing each other." I try to laugh but don't quite pull it off as Emily stares right in to me. She shakes her head at me with a sad smile on her lips.  
"Sounds like you're trying to reassure yourself there Naoms…I know my sister. I love her to bits, but she's jealous and controlling and she doesn't do 'alone' well. So don't think you're doing her any favours by going back to London."  
"What about you?" I shoot back at her. "How would you feel if I stayed? If all three of us were back in Bristol and you had to see me and Katie all the time?"  
She shrugs at me as she hears Effy calling out for her. "It's not about me anymore, is it?" With that she turns her back on me, leaving her words buzzing around my head.

When I leave the hospital I've got a lot to think about. I go in to town and make a few stops before heading back and it's late in the afternoon by the time I finally get back to Katie's. The second I walk through the front door, using Effy's key since I don't have my own, Katie's already on her way out. "Hey babe, I'm just on my way out to the hospital to take Eff some things in. I'll be back tonight though. We can open a bottle of wine and watch crap telly." She gives me a quick peck on the cheek as she passes me to get to the door.  
"Uh, sounds great… but I won't be here." I fidget with the house key in my hand, focusing on the small grooves in the metal, not quite sure whether I've made the right decision anymore. I've got to follow through with it though. "I'm going back to London. Today. The train leaves in an hour-" I don't get the chance to finish explaining as Katie explodes at me.  
"So you're leaving? Again! Just like that!" She screams at me, red faced with tears welling up in her eyes and I can tell she's been waiting for this for weeks, holding her breath and waiting for me to let her down. She doesn't understand. I need to explain.  
"Katie I-"  
"No!" She doesn't give me a chance and carries on ranting at me like a wild banshee. "You can't just fucking run off when things get tough! You can't just leave Effy and…and me! You can't just fucking leave me Naomi! We agreed! I gave you the fucking chance to back out last night, but no, _you _said you could handle it, you said!"

She's hysterical when I grab hold of her and starts trying to slam her fists against me. I pin her arms to her sides, trying to get her to listen to me as I beg for her to let me explain. "Katie! Katie, please…I love you, ok?" Her legs buckle and we both collapse to the floor. I keep my arms wrapped firmly around her as she sobs her heart out and I feel mine breaking. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never wanted anyone to get hurt; most of all her. "You don't understand Katie." I'm sobbing myself as I let go of her for a second to reach in to my bag at my side and tug out a big brown envelope. I pull out the papers inside to show her, but her red puffy eyes can't focus on the words.

"Fuck is that?" She snaps at me, her despair giving way to anger as she tries to push me away from her. She's trying to build her walls back up to protect herself, to shut me out and pretend she doesn't care and I need to make her understand before she says something we'll both regret.  
"It's the syllabus for my course at Bristol uni. I'm transferring, that's why I have to go back to London today. So I can hand my transfer papers in before the deadline." Katie stares blankly at the papers, not quite processing what I'm saying to her. My conversation with Emily left a pretty lasting impression on me and I couldn't help but compare it to what happened between the two of us. My need to escape Bristol meant my heart had left Emily behind long before I'd even realised it myself. I can't risk making that same mistake with Katie. "I'm not leaving you Katie. I'm coming home, back to Bristol... To you." I cup her face in my hands as I press my lips to hers. I kiss her like it's my last chance to prove how I feel about her; my last chance to prove I'm not a fuck-up.

Her lips start moving against mine as her tears stop and when she pulls hers arms free from my grip it's not to try and strike me or to run away, they wrap around my neck and pull me in closer. "I thought you were leaving me." Her words come out choked and she looks close to crying again. I feel shit for putting her through this, for being so angry and distant with her lately; for making her think for a second that I don't want to be with her.

Six weeks ago I couldn't wait to get away from Bristol and everyone in this city. Now I'm transferring schools in my final year, giving up the life I've made for myself in London to come back here. I've thought long and hard about this. I was toying with the idea before I even spoke to Emily, I just thought Katie would laugh and tell me I was being stupid; but I know I'm making the right decision. Katie needs me here and I need her. I can't go back to uni and spend the next year of my life trying to see her at weekends and on holidays. "I'm going back for a couple of days to sort out my transfer, pack up my stuff at the flat, sort a few things out…then I'll be back. For good."  
"Guess I better get you a key cut for the flat then." Katie tries her best to sound indifferent, but the smirk on her lips gives her away.  
"Are you asking me to move in with you?" I tease her and she rolls her eyes at me.  
"No… I'm not _asking. _I'm telling!" She giggles as I lean in for another long slow kiss. I couldn't go back to London, leaving all of this behind. I've made my bed and I'm quite happy to lie in it; especially with Katie beside me. When we finally pull apart she lets out a contented sigh as our fingers lace together. "Hurry home babe."

* * *

**A/N: So that's it folks! Spent my Sunday afternoon getting this finished as I promised Martynomore that I'd get the next chapter up for her birthday! I probably could have carried it on further but I hate stories that just go on for the sake of it and I don't think I did too badly from this starting out as a one shot to see if I could get in to Kaomi. There is a sort of short epilogue coming up and of course I've still got 'This Despondent Heart' to finish. I've also started a new Kaomi fic 'On Thin Ice' (not that I'm shamelessly plugging my fic or anything). Finally a big thank you to everyone who's been reading and for all the amazing feedback people have left me :)  
**


	25. Chapter 25

"Please, I can't do this…I'm sorry, I just can't!" I don't know what made me think I could go through with this in the first place. Well, ok, at the time Katie had suggested this she'd been kissing my neck with her hands travelling further and further down my stomach, and to be honest I'd agree to just about anything when she starts doing that. But _this_…I must have been mad to agree to it! My fingers dig in to the car seat as I hold on for dear life. Katie rolls her eyes at me and takes one of my hands in to her own, her thumb caressing the back of my hand.  
"Come on babes, you promised!"

"I was under duress!" She's right of course, this has all been planned for months and I've had plenty of time to prepare myself for the coming onslaught, but now that the day has actually come I know I can't go through with it. It will take heaven and earth to move me from this car right now.

"Well, if you back out, you won't be _under my dress _ever again, got it?" I know how much this means to her. We've been together almost eighteen months now, since the first summer I came back to Bristol after two years in London. I transferred back to Bristol at the start of my first year and moved in with Katie and Effy. It was rough at first, getting used to living with Katie Fitch, but we found a routine after a while. After uni I got a job at a local paper, it's not exactly the big time but it pays enough and Katie's really making a name for herself with her photography.

It hasn't been easy for us, in the beginning it seemed like we were fighting everyone and everything every step of the way. We'd tried to keep it from Emily, from everyone really, but we've all come a long way since then. Besides, it's not Emily I'm worried about, and even Katie's very real threat can't make me budge.

She knows me too well though and leans over to whisper in my ear. Her ample chest brushes against my arm as she drops her tone to a sultry whisper. God I'm a fucking sucker when she does this. "If you do this for me though babe, I'll do something _extra special _for you." She nips at my ear and I actually whimper, forgetting how that was what got me in to this mess in the first place.  
"Alright, but you fucking owe me big time!" I finally relent and she rewards me with a kiss, a long, slow, searing kiss that under any other circumstance would lead somewhere, but we're already running late so she pulls away and squeezes my hand.  
"Thank you."

This really does mean the world to her and I know I can't let her down. I think the world and his wife have been waiting for me to let her down since we went public. Well I haven't, and I won't. I screwed up with Emily, I hold my hands up to that, but I'm not a stupid kid anymore. I know what I want and I know what I have to do to keep it. Unfortunately that means I have to bend to Katie's every whim, but I suppose there are worse ways to live; and the sex _is_amazing.

Taking a deep breath I prise my fingers off the car seat and fumble with the door. I fucking hate this car. A Mini Cooper might be ok for Katie, but for us normal sized human beings it's a nightmare. I look up in trepidation as the door of the house we're headed to opens up. Here we go then.

"Katie! Sweetie!" The dragon guarding the gate, or Jenna Fitch as she's formally called, embraces her oldest daughter as we walk up the garden path. Her reception is a little frostier when she turns to me. I got the blame when Katie came out. Of course it was all my fault, it wasn't like she'd slept with Effy long before me. No, as far as Jenna's concerned I'm the big bad wolf who corrupted not just one, but both, of her daughters. "Naomi, glad you could make it. I'm surprised you aren't spending Christmas with _your_family." She turns that sickly sweet smile on me and I have to resist the urge to slap her. My mother's decided she's Buddhist this year, which is probably going over great with Kieran and his Roman Catholic family. They're over in Ireland so I pretty much had nowhere else to go. So I'm spending Christmas Day with Jenna Fitch.

I hold her gaze defiantly as I take Katie's hands in my own. "Katie _is_my family." I force a smile back at her and know I've said the right thing when Katie squeezes my hand back. I've already promised to be on my best behaviour so I'll try and play nice, for Katie's sake. Luckily the first person I meet when I step in to the living room is Emily and I know she'll have my back against her mum. It's weird; despite everything that went on between us we're still close. I don't think of her in that way anymore, and even Katie's stopped getting jealous when we hug or share a laugh over old times. I meant it when I said Katie is family, and Emily is too. We're practically like sisters now. We're a strange bunch and it really shouldn't work between us all, but somehow it does. Emily accepting us has a lot to do with it and I could never thank her enough for that. It took a while, but she finally accepted us and she's spent the last year and a half defending us to her mum.

"Ready for World War Z?" She teases me as Katie takes our coats and goes to hang them up in the cupboard in the hall. I roll my eyes at her as I hand over the bag of presents we brought with us for Katie's family. "Bet I've got something that will put a smile on your face."  
"Vodka?" I quiz and Katie scowls at me as she joins us in the living room again.  
"Eff and I finally found a flat we like. We've put down a deposit and we're moving in after New Year…so you two can have the flat to yourselves." Emily moved in with us last year when she and Effy finally decided to have a relationship rather than simply carry on with their friends-with-benefits arrangement that had apparently been going on since college. I'll miss not having the other two there, but in all honesty I can't wait to have the flat to ourselves.

"We could make the spare room in to a room for Albert?" Eff and Emily have been looking for a place for months so Katie's had time to think about what to do with the other bedroom. We have Albert a few times a month, and since, by some miracle, JJ somehow managed to knock Lara up they have a little girl on the way; so I imagine we'll be having Albert over a lot more.  
"You could get some gnome wall paper?" Emily suggests, smirking as Katie joins in with teasing me. Albert's almost five now and he still insists on calling me Aunty Gnome.

Jenna interrupts their teasing as she comes back in to the room and hands out glasses of wine, telling us all dinner won't be too long. She slaps James' hand as he tries to take a glass of wine and hands him the one with orange juice in instead. James, their younger brother, is still as big a pervert as ever, but now he's seventeen and taller than his dad. His hands slip down to my arse as he hugs me and Katie and Emily both end up clipping him around the ear for his troubles. I get a hug from Rob Fitch, who unlike his wife actually likes me. "How you doing kiddo? Still haven't seen you around the gym yet!"  
"It's my new year's resolution, honest." I laugh, safe in the knowledge that I've still got a week before I need to make good on my promise to start going to the gym with Katie.

"Nice one! So, what did you kids get for Christmas then?" I like Rob; he's a pretty down to earth bloke. When he found out about me and Katie he simply took me aside and warned me that if I hurt either of his girls again he'd kill me. He'd still had that big ridiculous grin on his face at the time, as though it had been a joke, but I knew he was being serious.

Katie's face lights up at the question as it's the perfect opportunity for her to show off her Christmas gift from me. "Naoms got me this." She holds out her hand for everyone in the room to see the big sparkling diamond on her ring finger. It cost me a small fortune and of course I had to ask Emily to help me with it. I'd managed to smuggle one of Katie's rings out of the house and had found it was a perfect fit for Emily, so the younger twin had been given the thankless job of helping me find just the right ring for Katie. I'd spoken to Emily about it beforehand of course, made it clear I wouldn't do anything without her agreement. She'd squealed when I told her I was planning to propose on Christmas eve and it's a good job I only told her a week earlier as she's been dying to tell Katie ever since.

"That's fantastic love!" Rob is all smiles as he pulls Katie in for a crushing hug and then drags me in to one of the legendary Fitch Family hugs.  
"Finally making an honest woman of her, aye?" I blush as James makes a joke at his big sister's expense and Emily thumps him again. I thought long and hard about asking Katie to marry me, her face when I gave her the ring last night told me I'd made the right decision. We'd been curled up on the sofa sharing a bottle of wine and at midnight I'd offered her an early Christmas present. Of course she'd instantly asked to open the biggest present under the tree. I'd pulled the little ring box out of my pocket with shaking hands. She'd screamed so loud Effy had come running out of her room armed with a cricket bat. Effy's mum and dad had actually made an effort this year and along with her brother the four of them were celebrating Christmas in their old family home. No doubt she'd be calling Ems to go rescue her before the end of the day.

"So, you're going to be a Fitch then love?" Rob chuckles as I choke on my wine. We haven't really discussed it, but Katie and the rest of the Fitches roar with laughter, even Jenna manages a smile.  
"Naomi Campbell-Fitch, has a ring to it, doesn't it babe?" Katie smirks at me, knowing full well it's the name I write under at the paper. My editor had made it clear in the interview that I'd do better with a different surname. Funnily enough Fitch was the first thing to come to mind. Katie had loved the idea.  
"Let's get Fitched." I shoot back at her with a smirk and it gets everyone laughing again.

Jenna's eyes light up as she addresses me and Katie. "So when were you thinking of having the wedding? We could probably get the Winford Manor hotel next summer; it would be absolutely darling on the photos." I'm actually close to going in to shock as Jenna Fitch starts fussing over my upcoming wedding to her daughter. I'd expected her to try and kill me, not start discussing wedding venues and dresses. Did Katie crash the car on the way over here? Are we dead right now?

"We'll have to start looking at dresses; you are both wearing dresses aren't you?" She looks to Katie for the answer, which is probably right since I already know I'm going to have very little say over this wedding. I just didn't think Jenna would want to be involved. I know her wedding business has really taken off over the last few years, and this is probably the perfect opportunity to show of her skills, but she's actually fucking glowing as she pulls out wedding brochures from the sideboard. I'm still holding my breath, expecting her to turn around and hit me with them.  
"Jen." Rob throws her a cautious glance as he looks over to where I'm silently sitting on the sofa, cradling my wine glass. "Maybe the girls should decide this stuff between them?" He's trying to be tactile and avoid some sort of civil war as Jenna's eyes narrow on him.

"Of course." Jenna's voice is tight as she turns to me with that forced smile back on her lips, like I'm something she tolerates. I catch Katie glaring at me, and I know how much this means to her. I force a smile as I turn to my fiancée.  
"We'd love you to help Jenna, wouldn't we Katie?"

Jenna finally gives me a genuine smile as she bounces over to me and sits down with the handful of brochures, instantly assaulting me with dresses and flowers and everything else all at once. Katie takes a seat on the other side and takes my hand again, squeezing it in thanks as her mother rambles on. The woman is positively glowing, and for once in my life she's actually being nice to me. Apparently all it takes to win Jenna Fitch over is to ask her daughter to marry you. Maybe she gets how serious we are now, or maybe James slipped some drugs in to her wine; either way I just hope it lasts.  
"I better be chief bridesmaid!" Emily jokes from the other side of the room. I'm so glad she's ok with this because I know Katie would never go through with it otherwise. "And no horrible dresses either!"

"Emily, you can't outshine the bride…brides." Jenna adds as she pats my knee and shows me yet another massive meringue dress that I would never be seen dead in. "Now the cut on this one is nice, but with Katie's height you'd need something more fitted-" I don't hear a word she says as my fiancée leans in close and whispers in my ear in that sultry voice of hers.  
"You are definitely getting it tonight." I smile as I nod at Jenna, oblivious to whatever I'm agreeing to.

"So, when are you going to start having babies then?" James teases from the other side of the room. Emily smacks him again, rolling her eyes and telling him to leave it, but I catch the look on Katie's face. I know Effy isn't the only house guest she wants to have. We've spoken about fostering and adoption, and I know Katie wants kids someday, I just didn't think we'd be considering it so soon. We still have Albert over on weekends and I know how great Katie is with him, I just think it might be a bit different having a kid around full time. Katie can't conceive naturally though and again I feel Jenna patting my knee. Oh hell. I take a large sip of my wine and press my lips to Katie's cheek. Fuck it, in for a penny in for a pound and all that.  
"Whatever makes you happy babe."

**A/N: So that's it :) A special thanks to FreakFlagFlyin for leaving the review that gave me the idea to have Naomi face Jenna Fitch on Christmas morning. Once again a shout out to everyone who's put up with my updating and for the people who have kept me going by reviewing. **

**Trufreak. **


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